Confession time. addicted & afraid. need advice
Posted , 10 users are following.
About 2 years ago after the death of a child I started using more opiates. This has become a serious problem. I'm going to run out and am terrified. I am taking 2,10mg vicodin and 2 soma (strong muscle relaxer) at a time just to keep from getting sick. Sometimes I take more. I also take Oxy as well - 10 mg tablets. Sometimes I take 20 to 25 pills a day from the time I wake to the time I go to bed. I do have back problems and legitimate pain, but I admit I'm using it to cope as well. I think that's what has gotten me into trouble. My last refill I gave my bottles to my husband so that he could lock them up and give me my recommended dose each day so that I wouldn't run out ealry and go through hell. Well, he took them. himself. He knows what I'm going through and that I've felt suicidal over the loss of my child (not his child) and that I'm really trying to get better and he took them. Now I'm almost out and I don't know how I will cope. I'm sad and so broken. I feel like no one is there for me. HOW can I get through this? WHAT can I do? I would have been better off keeping my bottles and being strong and only taking the prescribed amount because now I'm screwed and I'm just so upset. Any advice? I'm scared and I do have another child to care for and no family support so I can't check myself in somewhere. Withdrawal will hit hard and I don't know if I can cope with it.
0 likes, 43 replies
Ashamed1980 melissa73284
Posted
Wow guys, I'm also in the uk and I thought Oxy was only prescribed here if you're in the final stages of life! My dad was prescribed this when he was in the hospice! I stand corrected!!
Charlie-from-UK Ashamed1980
Posted
Hey there @Ashamed1980 no need to stand corrected lol, it's a common misconception that Oxy is reserved for the dying. As it's such an effective painkiller the pain docs have been prescribing it for severe pain for years now.
What's annoying is that it's not really a long term solution as we all know how our tolerance builds. That hasn't stopped them scripting up long term pain patients with it tho, and then what? Well I guess I'm about to find out, I can't live like this forever. Sh*t seriously needs to change :S
Guest Ashamed1980
Posted
Hi Asamed.
It is very rare though to be honest as Charlie is the only other person I've heard of in the UK that is on Oxycontin.
I should be dead with how much of the stuff I was taking!!
I was never told how addictive Oxycontin was when I was prescribed it, he'll, I didn't even know what an opiate was till I knew I had an addiction problem after approximately 4yrs of being on it, I went to my Dr & told her I thought I had a problem, her actual words were:
"Hmmmmm, im not surprised to be honest with you, we mainly give it to cancer patients as by the time they realise they're addicted to it, they're dead anyway"! WTF kinda statement is that for a GP to come out with FFS!!!!!
Ashamed1980 Guest
Posted
Hi Ritchie, I'm a codeine addict and it's bloody awful, I just started taking a legitimate pain medicine for my illness (if I'd known how addictive it was id never have started!) I've turned into a lying snake and I hate the way I behave because of it, another addict on here told be it was part and parcel and "all part of the game" but I'm fed up with it all. I recently took a holiday and had all my pills taken from me at the airport as it wasn't mixed with paracetamol or ibuprofen (Acetaminophen/Tylenol for those in the US) I spent ALL of my holiday money bribing a doctor to give me something to stop me withdrawing on the holiday. I'm just fed up x
Charlie-from-UK Guest
Posted
Hi Ritchie2168
Thanks for the reply, I really appreciate it.
We should talk away from Melissa's thread though, as we're way off her topic. I may start one of my own but just not right now as I've got a load of admin to do for our business (yes I still manage to muddle through co-running a business) and to concentrate I have to take another dose.
That's the cycle, to get up = take a dose. To get through lunch = take a dose. To stop from needing to crash out (fall asleep) mid afternoon = take a dose.... Etc etc etc
I'll tag you in a thread Ritchie is that's cool?
Charlie x
Charlie-from-UK
Posted
P.S. I've just changed my username from Charlotte(random numbers) to the Charlie UK one.
Guest Charlie-from-UK
Posted
Guest Ashamed1980
Posted
Hi Ashamed.
Believe me, I am the most honest person you could wish to meet but when it came to Oxycontin........... well, you know the rest!
My addiction started with codene till I could take boxes of them & it not touch the sides then I moved onto the Oxycontin because of my back. It was for genuine pain relief till I was taking enough to kill 5 or 6 fully grown men. And the lies I told to get more so I wouldn't go into withdrawals which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Whoever told you about the lies being part of it are 100% correct. It's all part of this great disease that we have called addiction my friend!!
Charlie-from-UK melissa73284
Posted
Oops, I swore in my reply.. It's waiting to be moderated :O hopefully it'll be added tho Melissa as I don't want to write it all out again
***APOLOGIES TO THE MODERATOR, I DIDN'T REALISE MILD SWEARING WAS DISALLOWED. IT'LL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN***
nikki48530 melissa73284
Posted
Hi Melissa,
I can relate to taking opiates to cope. To escape from a hideous reality. If I'm honest, I feared going into detox more than I feared death. It is the most frightening concept that anyone that hasn't or isn't an opiate addict will never understand.
Suboxone and methadone are not the only drugs that will stop withdrawal symptoms. You just need to do some research.
The only thing that got me through detox was a drug called "Lyrica" and I went cold turkey after 9 years of heavy opiate abuse. It's an anti-convulsent that is generally used for epilepsy, nerve pain, migraine and chronic back pain. A great number of people have found it to be very effective throughout withdrawal, for me, it worked wonders. I went through five days of absolute torture before I went to my doctor and got prescribed it. Before taking it I hadn't slept a wink in those five days. I thought I would never sleep again and that nothing on earth (besides opiates) would get rid of my restless legs. First dose of "Lyrica" and I finally slept. And my restless legs were completely gone.
Please don't think subs and methadone are your only options because they're not. A great number of addicts that have used the methadone or suboxone programme will tell you that stopping them produces withdrawal symptoms that are worse than heroine and last a great deal longer.
It is of course a personal choice. Plenty of people find both programmes effective but plenty of people have also developed a dependence on both because after stopping they find it's too painful. I myself found the thought of treating an opiate addiction with synthetic opioids counter-intuitive but I realise everyone is different.
I would deffinately reccommend being honest with your GP and going from there.
Good luck and don't hesitate to contact me if you need advice or to chat.
melissa73284
Posted
I had a really bad night last night. I think I almost overdosed to be honest. I'm really ashamed and scared. Ready to be done with this. I was was shaking and vomiting all night. I'm having stomach pain and wondering if I need to go in because of how much acetaminophen I ingested. I think you guys call it something else. Maybe throwing up helped save me? I really feel scared now but I'm also afraid to go to the ER because I don't know what they will do or how they will treat me.
melissa73284
Posted
Also, don't know what time it is there, but it's morning here. So I'm really trying to figure out what to do. Right now I'm also feeling extremely guilty and ashamed because I'm going to have to miss out on something for my kid.
Charlie-from-UK melissa73284
Posted
Hey Melissa it's 4:30pm here, I'm just off supermarket shopping.
Whilst ever you're stuck in this cycle it's going to effect your relationship with the kids. So thinking of that, why don't u get in touch with your family doctor and fess up to what's going on.
Come on girl, this cannot continue. For you and me both. I've made the first step and have fessed up to my pain doc, who's writing to my family doc to address the issue. As I've got chronic pain though it's going to be difficult, I don't want to be left crippled with pain but free of oxy.
Sending you the strength to win through, much love.
Charlie x
melissa73284 Charlie-from-UK
Posted
Thank you Charlie, I did. I ended up in the ER because I was so sick and dehydrated. I had a virus on top of withdrawal and my autoimmune issues were acting up too. I was just really not well. I got some IV fluids and I was honest. I found out that abruptly stopping the muscle relaxer I've been taking can cause seizures. He wrote me a script for that and oxy to get me through to Monday when I could go in for help - which I did. I started subutex today. I had to wait until today so that someone could be with me. Amazingly I haven't taken anything in over 24 hours and am doing OK. I'm weaning of the muscle relaxer. I hope I can beat this. I feel hopeful now at least. I'm glad you fessed up too.
Charlie-from-UK melissa73284
Posted
Hiya Melissa,
That's really great to hear, I'm proud of you and you should be proud of yourself too. This is the hardest part of getting better I believe. I'm sure you'll make it though, you've got the best start by fessing up.
So, I tried to order my oxy online like I always do (even after fessing up to the pain doc, I was hoping to get a early refill as usual from my gp) and it was refused. I called up and the doc has refused it as it's a two week early request (they normally just fill it). So I've got to go in at 3pm to see the him and discuss what's going on. I've actually got here by asking for help, so changing my mind like I thought I could isn't an option.
I'm just really nervous and hoping like hell they're going to help me rather than cut me off our something really drastic!
So ppl keep your fingers crossed for me and send me calming vibes.
If it's ok Melissa I'll update with what happens after my appt later on this thread? I know it's a bit of a hijack but I'm liking how we're supporting each other.
sweetmelissa melissa73284
Posted
I'm happy to hear that you choose to go on subutex. That's what I am on. It will give help with your pain and the best part is... it is NOT addictive. You will never get that strong desire to do more. Now don't get me wrong.. there is withdrawl to the subutex, but it is not addictive. Like I said before, I was an addict for years and started at 3 subutex a day. I am now at 1 a day. I have had no issues yet going down and absoutely no desire to go and do more. It really is a wonder drug. I wish you luck on your journey. You can do this!