Confession time. addicted & afraid. need advice
Posted , 10 users are following.
About 2 years ago after the death of a child I started using more opiates. This has become a serious problem. I'm going to run out and am terrified. I am taking 2,10mg vicodin and 2 soma (strong muscle relaxer) at a time just to keep from getting sick. Sometimes I take more. I also take Oxy as well - 10 mg tablets. Sometimes I take 20 to 25 pills a day from the time I wake to the time I go to bed. I do have back problems and legitimate pain, but I admit I'm using it to cope as well. I think that's what has gotten me into trouble. My last refill I gave my bottles to my husband so that he could lock them up and give me my recommended dose each day so that I wouldn't run out ealry and go through hell. Well, he took them. himself. He knows what I'm going through and that I've felt suicidal over the loss of my child (not his child) and that I'm really trying to get better and he took them. Now I'm almost out and I don't know how I will cope. I'm sad and so broken. I feel like no one is there for me. HOW can I get through this? WHAT can I do? I would have been better off keeping my bottles and being strong and only taking the prescribed amount because now I'm screwed and I'm just so upset. Any advice? I'm scared and I do have another child to care for and no family support so I can't check myself in somewhere. Withdrawal will hit hard and I don't know if I can cope with it.
0 likes, 43 replies
david10584 melissa73284
Posted
Don't worry you WILL make it through this. It's time for the fun to begin. I'm on the tale end of a prolonged self induced opiate withdrawall. Let me share my past few weeks. It might help. First off I'm 38 years old and have been on opiates for a car accident/conastant pain for the past 4 years. And I'm going through a divorce/custody battle right now. Also I have to optain a class B at the DMV for work. I said when I ran out of my script, no more I WILL, CAN do this. I had gotten it into my head that it's time for the madness to stop. I went 6 days with just OTC meds. I don't know how I made it to work, but I did. Oh I forgot I scored oxycodone blues 30mgx28 and ate those, it only lasted for 3 of those days. I'm not sure. Then I filled my methadone script Ive been on for a year from pain management and had eaten 15x10mg for 5 days and gave 40 away. Then weaned myself cause I didn't have any more for 4 days with 2 a day. So then I went another 7 days with no opiates but I had scored Gabapenitn, baclofen and xanax we call them yellow ladders. It was enough to last for 5 of those 7 days. It definitely helped a lot. So now we're at July 20th my daughters B-Day and I ate Norcos 10mgx8 with xanax 1 and 1/2. The next day I ate 4 then I got real sick. Had no more opiates. That day was a bad day. I had given up laying on my bathroom floor naked and wet from a shower I had attempted to take sick as hell. I think I regret eating those norcos because I think it may of just dragged out the withdrawall. But there is going to be times when you have to give up and realize your not in control. So then I sucked it up and went to work. I took a mega dose of Imodium, I drank a whole bottle the larger one and ate 6 capsules. That was 7 days ago and you have to realize I've been sick this whole time. Today I scored some more Gabapenton, baclofen and and Wellbutrin instead of xanax. But at first today I forced myself to function and cleaned my house had compny over, fed my cat and my daughter, did work in the backyard, took my daughter swimming and shampood my carpets. That was befor the Gabapentin. I read two books, The Killing Joke and part of another book about brain chemistry, biochemistry, thast had helped to reinforce what I'm putting myself through because I had read about how opiates affect you nerology and nevous system, and about the GABA, seretonin, receptors and inhibitors. How it changes your whole biochemistry. So like I had stated this whole time I've been sick but forced myself to function. You just have to WILL it to happen even when you can not find the effort to go on it still goes on and it will get better hopefully soon. I only missed one day of work last Friday. Today I feel better.
david10584 melissa73284
Posted
I'm sorry I said 7 days ago in my last post it has been really 10 days though. I feel a lot better, In pain but not sick. I had that car accident I died 7x in the ambulance shattered my leg fractured my spine and had a head injury. I awoke from a coma and knew I had been in an accident but could not remember the last year of my life due to the head injury and my freinds and family said my whole personality changed. They said I would never walk again, I can still run a mile under 6. Just real lucky I guess. But I didn't start taking pain meds for my constant pain till I just gave in and couldn't function anymore and needed releif. Then after a surgery last year to remove some hardware from my leg they started giving me oxycodone and methadone with my somas and norcos. I knew then I had a problem but just let it continue till now. I'm going to make an appointment this week for physical theropy and accupuncture to help with the pain from previous injuries. I also tore my rotater cuff in bouth shoulders, that gets really painful just like my leg and back from when the car hit me going 60 mph. But like I said at first 10 days now and feel great, much better-also due to the gabapentin, baclofen, and wellbutrin. Like I have the WILL and STRENGHT to perservere. If you can take those meds to help with the WDs.
melissa73284 david10584
Posted
Good for you David, I'm glad you are doing better too. I'm on Wellbutrin too. I'm hoping the subutex works out for me. Tastes SO bad, but is better than withdrawal! (they dissolve in your mouth)
david10584 melissa73284
Posted
I'm sure the subutex will work out for you. Definitely give the gabapentin a shot though that way you can have time without any kind of opiate in your body. It worked for me when i took it with a muscle relaxer and an antidepressment plus imodium. That way your going cold turkey of the opiates but you'll feel great too. I'm very proud of you for dealing with your situation instead of ignoring it, which seems to be what a majority of people do. You deserve to enjoy your day and spending time with your family without worrying about getting sick. And please forgive your husband for eating your pills. He's not perfect but I bet he loves you very much. Keep me posted whether you eat a bunch of oxys tomorrow or stay on your subutex. Talking with peaople about this helps me so much.
tonya34547 melissa73284
Posted
Charlie-from-UK melissa73284
Posted
Hi there guys,
So, today I went to my gp and we discussed my oxy usage. I was completely honest with him, and he had the report from my pain doc.
We've laid out a plan to reduce from 400mg daily, back down to the original dosage of 200mg daily (100mg a.m. then 100mg p.m.) I'm going to reduce by 20mg each dose over 5 weeks so I'll be down to the target and manageable dose of 100mg x2 daily. This dose does manage my pain, but we're adding in pregabalin to boost the painkiller effects so I'll hopefully not need to over-use going forward.
I've not been treat like a junky, which is what was my fear. They've treat me like a patient with chronic pain issues who's grown a tolerance to opiates. It's actually much more common than I'd ever dreamed of.
So @Melissa it's looking like we're both on the road to getting our lives under control.
I'm really grateful for everyone's input on here thank you guys you've given me the strength I needed!
Much love,
Charlie.
Guest Charlie-from-UK
Posted
Well done for going to your GP & being totally honest Charlie!! It takes some guts to do that but I bet you felt great about yourself when you came out the surgery hey! Good on ya!!!
Do you have a plan on how you're gonna keep to what you said about 100mg in the morning & 100 at night without taking more?
I don't wanna P##s on your fire honestly I don't but it is really hard, especially when you have so much Oxy about you end up having extra, then telling yourself "It's ok, I'll have less later or tomorrow" it never happens! I know because as you know, I've done it myself. My prescribed dose was 800mg per day and there were days I took 1500mgs. I was always given 1 months worth, I had
120 x 80mg & 120 x 120mg per month and I always told myself, "I'll take an extra 400mg today & ill pull that 400mg back it will be easy! It never was!!! And I never did pull it back.
I'm really pleased you have done the 1st step seeing your GP & the 2nd step, being honest really really well done, you should be very proud of yourself!!!
If you find you are struggling & as long as it isn't too much of a hassle for you, you can always get you surgery to do daily scripts at the pharmacy which is what I did. I picked up my 800mg daily so if I took all my 800mg before dinner time then tough, I had to go without till the next day!! Just a thought.
Really well done though Charlie, if you need to shout or need any help, I've been there so please shout up, im here to help!
Take care
Ritchie x
Charlie-from-UK Guest
Posted
Hey Ritchie,
Thank you for your concern, I totally agree with you. It's gonna be tough so it's a concern which I totally take on board.
I think the driving force has to be my resolve to not wanting to let painkiller use that allows me to function at a level of normality, that I'd not had for the first few years of being ill. Without it taking over my every waking thought, thereby negating any positive effects.
I guess I'm luckier than you in that my usage was in the lower hundreds than the mid thousands. But it was still an issue as I was doubling up!
I've got a really supportive partner, she's an absolute gem. In fact she's paid for me to jump the waiting lists to see my pain doc early by going private with him. Otherwise there was a 18mth waiting list to get back in with him.
I've fessed up to her as well as seeing my pain doc and gp. We've also got a safe in our house so I may be putting my meds in there (and obvs changing the code to one only she knows lol) and getting then given to me dose by dose. I honestly couldn't cope with daily collections, that'd be far too close to the methadone addicts type behavior for my liking. I'm not putting them down btw, I know I've got the exact same problem, opiate addiction. I just don't think I'm at that stage of things. At least not yet, hopefully never.
I'll be very careful moving forward, I kinda sleep walked into upping my dose bit by bit. I'm much more aware of the dangers now, in fact I'm terrified of the dangers now.
So this morning is the first day of the new routine, I've taken 180mg and I'll not take another until 6pm (has the "i can do this" mantra on repeat in my head). I've made sure I've got loads of stuff to do to keep me occupied.
It's Gay Pride in Brighton this weekend, so that'll be a tough time to not slip an extra dose in as we celebrate quite hard lol. I'll be popping in here to look for some support if that's ok?
I really should make a new thread instead of hijacking Melissa's.. Apologies Melissa, again :O
Guest Charlie-from-UK
Posted
Sounds like you have a great partner there Charlie, she sounds great! I really wish I had your outlook on it Charlie, that's an amazing attitude to have.
I suppose due to my back problems this was the reason I kept going up in doses to start with. But after a while my body just got used to it & it did nothing at all for me & in the end, I was just taking that amount to prevent withdrawals & just to feel normal.
I dont know if you have read all the stories about Oxycontin & how the manufacturer Purdue Pharma have paid out approx $650million to certain states in the USA. This drug has killed thousands in the states due to overdosing.
It has wiped out a whole generation in Kentucky where they call it "Hillbilly Heroin"
I hope you have a great weekend as it sounds like you will!!
You know where I am if the going gets tuff!!
Take care
Ritchie x
brianthesnail melissa73284
Posted
Hi melissa
i know how you feel... its like your trapped and you cant find any way to escape .. essentially the vicodin,soma and oxy have are in charge of your body and you have no control
however i used to think no one cares and theres no support but there is .. its a multi stage recovery and this includes
1) admitting you have a opiaite problem
2) finding the right support ( eg local drug service )
3) detoxing safely with support from local drug service and
4) after care support ( to avoid relapse and finding alternative meds for your existing pain )
your local drug service are not just for illegal drugs but also prescription drugs and your normal GP wont help as they dont have the expertise ( and are overworked ) ..were as your local drug service deal specificly in over usage and addiction of prescription drugs and also know how to safely reduce people either at home or in patient
so allthough you think ( in your words ) "I feel like no one is there for me" well there is .... look on http://www.talktofrank.com/need-support and by entering your postcode you can find your nearest support/drug service
dont feel embarrased .. you can do it and there are people who can help ...
any questions let me know
brian