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Controversial topic! GH and casual sex - to disclose or not to disclose?

Posted , 8 users are following.

FelizCastus
FelizCastus

Everyone knows that you need to disclose your GH status when you're embarking on a long-term relationship. However, not everyone is lucky enough to find a long-term prospect, especially one so accepting. Others may not be ready for a serious relationship.

Does that mean such GH individuals need to remain sexless? No. Casual sex can still be an option, but should you disclose, and if so, how?

What annoys me about most GH info sites and advice columns is that they only talk about GH in the context of monogamous relationships, but what about sex and the GH single? The same ways to reduce transmission apply, but the disclosure issue is a somewhat controversial area.

Some argue that you must always disclose regardless, because you are playing with other people's lives. Very black and white, no grey areas whatsoever. Doesn't even matter which type you have, as GH is GH.

On the other hand, a person with GH who is doing everything possible to reduce transmission (i.e., sex outside of outbreaks/prodrome, proper condom usage, daily suppressive therapy) is far less risky than a person who falsely assumes they're clean because they're asymptomatic and acts recklessly as a result. Isn't that how some of us ended up with this thing?

Heterosexual transmission risks of HSV-2 can be reduced to 1% and 4% for men and women, respectively, if the above mentioned preventative measures are adopted. That's extremely low, but it's also not 0%.

HSV-1 is barely an issue when it comes to genital-to-genital transmission. Most cases are caused by oral sex, so should those with cold sores, even if from long ago, also be required to disclose? Why is genital HSV-1 viewed as worse than oral HSV-1? It's the same exact virus, just in a different location.

Anyway, I am not justifying one over the other, but just thought I'd put it out there for discussion. For those of you who have engaged in casual sex since GH, what did you do? For single GH newbies, have you given this any thought? Curious!

1 like, 30 replies

30 Replies

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  • ouch109
    ouch109 FelizCastus

    Posted

    Dies any ine know the transmission rate female to male with meds but no condom?
    • ouch109
      ouch109

      Posted

      Sorry for the typos

      Fat fingers

      Does any one know the transition rate for female to male with meds but no condom

  • jessb1738
    jessb1738 FelizCastus

    Posted

    Also I was thinking what if you was to have casual sex with someone not disclose .... But later down the line end up having a serious relationship? How would you tell someone after you've already slept with them? .... Things like this keep running through my mind 😩
    • ouch109
      ouch109 jessb1738

      Posted

      Yea, I thought about this too.  I think I'd be p*ssed if the shoe was on the other foot
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus jessb1738

      Posted

      Some casual relationships may turn into more, but I suspect most don't. If a guy can have a gal casually, what's the incentive for something more serious? Maybe I'm too sceptical!

      But I suppose if that were to happen, you would need to have the talk and explain how doctors/counsellors didn't think it necessary for casual partners so long as precautions are taken, and that you have been very careful, etc. Might not go down well, but it would be honest!

      Alternatively, keep a strict line in your mind between causal partners and bf material, and don't mix the two.

  • ouch109
    ouch109 FelizCastus

    Posted

    Thanks FelisCatus

    That sure seems low risk.  I am a pretty good citizen and try to be moral in my actions towards others, but I'm in the whole bargaining and denial phase since I just got diagnosed.

    I have had a sexual partner for 8 months.  We have been having unprotected sex.  Most likely I got it from him.

    Seems  plausable that I got from my last BF who I slept with last in November of 2013.  He had been very promiscuous prior and I wonder if he had it and its been dormant in me. 

    The new guy has been in mostly monogomous relationships.  He has another partner besides me and they are both fine never tested but no symptoms)

    So confusing...  Friday the PA from my doc office called and said I was positive after swab (I went in for what I thought was a vaginal infection).  She just said I was positive and told me to go pick up my valtrex).  She said she'd send me a pamplet.  I'm doing my best to educate myself.  Still reeling from the news.

  • brandy091984
    brandy091984 FelizCastus

    Posted

    All that I can say is this... Use your best judgement and act in a moral way that is in accordance with your values. Put yourself in the opposite shoes, as you once were before. How would/did you feel? I personally did not sleep with anybody casually after I was diagnosed, but that is because I didnt want anyone else to feel what I felt. Thats just my opinion though, take it with a grain of salt!
    • cheri03545
      cheri03545 brandy091984

      Posted

      I was infected by a man on purpose he knew and he was also in a breakout then he went to my friends house and infected her. I felt like my choice was robbed from me. It should of been my decision to want this virus not his!
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus cheri03545

      Posted

      That is so wrong of that guy, no question about it (a monster, indeed!!), but what we're talking about here is casual sex with every preventative measure taken and then the issue of disclosure. I would have preferred that in my case, even without disclosure, because I probably wouldn't have caught it otherwise, but the guy that gave it to me claims he had no idea, so he was not on antivirals and sloppy during sex...
  • ouch109
    ouch109 FelizCastus

    Posted

    I use organic coconut oil as lube

    I am reading that it has antiviral properties

    I wonder if this helps reduce the risk of transmission

    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus ouch109

      Posted

      Probably not. The antiviral properties are likely mild at best and may help prevent sex being a trigger for you, but I don't think it would do much to reduce transmission, otherwise it would be recommended instead of (or in conjunction with) antiviral meds!

      Also, for the benefit of anyone reading this, please note that oils compromise the integrity of condoms, so coconut oil lube should definitely not be used for casual sex. PSA over, lol.

    • ouch109
      ouch109 FelizCastus

      Posted

      I am reading that there is a cream form of valtrex like antiviral medicine

      I wonder if that inhibits transmission

      Sorry.... Im sure i know the answer... Still in the denial/bargaining phase

  • Peas
    Peas FelizCastus

    Posted

    Hi FelisCatus,

    I wanted to bring this thread back alive and grab your knowledge/opinions a year on on this topic! 

    I was recently diagnosed with genital HSV-1 (got the news today however started the meds when the doctor saw me) and as a 24 year old female who is recently out of a 6.5 year relationship, I'm only looking for casual sex. This has been the hardest part to come to terms with, my friends keep talking about "cute guys" they know that they want me to meet - all I can think is well that won't happen because I can't tell them about this issue - and that is really getting me down. I live in a city where everyone knows everyone and I too, don't want the news to travel that I have it because the only thing worse than me having it would be people knowing I have it, and guys talk... as I have only told my mum and one person, and won't be telling anyone else.

    My current view on this is if I were to engage in casual sex I'd only go home with someone provided I 100% had no symptoms, am going to be taking valtrex daily, and WITH a condom, then I probably wouldn't tell them. From your research what is the % risk of transmitting with all those precautions? I know this is viewed unfavourably to a lot of people, and obviously to those who don't have it, so I'm keen to know what you've done over the last year in this situation? 

    Also you said HSV-1 is barely an issue when it comes to genital-to-genital transmission - could you explain this a bit more smile

    Really hoping to hear back from you, this STI makes you feel so alone when you don't know anyone with it so I could use your expertise!

    Thanks 

    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus Peas

      Posted

      Genital HSV1 does not outbreak or shed often for most people, and transmission is nearly always through receiving oral sex. Furthermore, around two-third of adults carry it orally (many without symptoms), so they already have it and should be immune from acquiring it elsewhere. If you avoid outbreaks and use condoms, that's already a huge risk reduction. The daily suppressive meds are not usually required for gHSV1. The only problem is recognising a recurrence. Based on my personal experience, they can be very mild indeed. I'm much better at recognising them now, however. Basically it's whenever something feels a little sore (or swollen,) no matter how slight. Hope that helps!

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