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Controversial topic! GH and casual sex - to disclose or not to disclose?

Posted , 8 users are following.

FelizCastus
FelizCastus

Everyone knows that you need to disclose your GH status when you're embarking on a long-term relationship. However, not everyone is lucky enough to find a long-term prospect, especially one so accepting. Others may not be ready for a serious relationship.

Does that mean such GH individuals need to remain sexless? No. Casual sex can still be an option, but should you disclose, and if so, how?

What annoys me about most GH info sites and advice columns is that they only talk about GH in the context of monogamous relationships, but what about sex and the GH single? The same ways to reduce transmission apply, but the disclosure issue is a somewhat controversial area.

Some argue that you must always disclose regardless, because you are playing with other people's lives. Very black and white, no grey areas whatsoever. Doesn't even matter which type you have, as GH is GH.

On the other hand, a person with GH who is doing everything possible to reduce transmission (i.e., sex outside of outbreaks/prodrome, proper condom usage, daily suppressive therapy) is far less risky than a person who falsely assumes they're clean because they're asymptomatic and acts recklessly as a result. Isn't that how some of us ended up with this thing?

Heterosexual transmission risks of HSV-2 can be reduced to 1% and 4% for men and women, respectively, if the above mentioned preventative measures are adopted. That's extremely low, but it's also not 0%.

HSV-1 is barely an issue when it comes to genital-to-genital transmission. Most cases are caused by oral sex, so should those with cold sores, even if from long ago, also be required to disclose? Why is genital HSV-1 viewed as worse than oral HSV-1? It's the same exact virus, just in a different location.

Anyway, I am not justifying one over the other, but just thought I'd put it out there for discussion. For those of you who have engaged in casual sex since GH, what did you do? For single GH newbies, have you given this any thought? Curious!

1 like, 30 replies

30 Replies

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  • FelizCastus
    FelizCastus

    Posted

    To be honest, if the guy who gave me GH had told me he had it, I doubt I'd have had sex with him. However, if he didn't tell me but took all measures to protect me, as above, I probably wouldn't have gotten it either. Instead, he was one of those annoying asymptomatic ones who figured he was clean and didn't take all precautions, so now I'm forever stuck with this thing. Sigh!
  • FelizCastus
    FelizCastus

    Posted

    I should add that I spoke with the head doctor at my local STD clinic about this very topic and he said it was a tricky topic, but he was of the opinion that so long as you take *all* precautions as above, you don't need to disclose for casual sex, which by its very nature assumes a degree of risk in the first place. For long-term relationships, however, disclosure is of course necessary.
  • NuMe
    NuMe FelizCastus

    Posted

    My doctor told me as long as I'm on the meds and not having an outbreak that I didn't have to tell my business. But idk I feel weird about it. I would want to extend the courtesy that wasn't extended to me. But then I'm thinking am I literally gonna tell everyone I ever sleep with? It's so complicated.
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus NuMe

      Posted

      I hear you! It's tricky for sure. But then I suppose if you take all precautions, you're already extending a courtesy that wasn't afforded to you.

      The thing that worries me is that casual sex partners don't owe you a thing, so what if they blab? What if they turn you down, so there's not even any sex (doh!), and they still blab to all their mates? Lol, I would hate to be known as the Herpes Chick!!

      Does the above mean that you should then only disclose in places you don't often frequent? Foreign cities/countries even, lmao? That makes it all seem seedier!

      While I have no intention of having sex anytime soon (think I'm taking a break for a few months!), I have been thinking about this and wondering what to do when I'm finally ready. It's not easy to find a monogamous partner where I am, even without GH, yet I don't want to be sexless. Arghhh!!

    • NuMe
      NuMe FelizCastus

      Posted

      I think for me..if it isn't something serious then I might as well keep it to myself. I don't plan on having sex soon either so I suppose we have time to figure it out!
    • jessb1738
      jessb1738 NuMe

      Posted

      i also googled transmission rates and read on the herpes org i think the website was that from female to male taking meds and using protection the risk is only 1-2%!!!!!..... It is still not 0 but close enough! My counsellor said its pratically nothing! .. so say for example someone was to sleep with 100 people using protection and taking meds .. only 1 or 2 would get it
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus NuMe

      Posted

      That's what I'm thinking, too. Just take all precautions and avoid getting drunk, as that's what usually leads to sloppiness/carelessness.

      Alternatively, if a guy is hitting on me, I could jokingly turn him down with a few bizarre/random excuses, the last one being GH. If he thinks I'm still joking and remains interested, just laugh and proceed. Can't say I didn't tell in such a case! Lol

  • jessb1738
    jessb1738 FelizCastus

    Posted

    I think exactly the same thing! Does everyone i sleep with need to know? ... I take daily meds and would be sure to use a condom as i am not on any type of contraception. Im young single and still want to have fun! ... Not saying im going to go around sleeping with people but say you're getting to know someone and they dont want a relationship long term neither do you ... would it be ok to have casual sex and not disclose? Obv taking all precautions to minimise the risk of passing it on .. I still would feel guilty as hell! Imagine the awkard conversation of them telling you theyve noticed something wrong down there .. how do you explain that?!?!  Like ummm yeah i know i have something that will change your life but i just didnt tell you...

    Hmmmmm i just dont know!  .. I have been having counselling sessions which have really helped.. the counsellor even sugguested not telling everyone unless it is a serious realtionship long term as it is your personal business and really it is just what you feel is morally right i guess...

    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus jessb1738

      Posted

      That's very interesting. So, between the three of us, we have had two doctors and a counsellor who don't think disclosure is necessary for casual sex (optional at best), provided preventative measures are taken to minimise transmission. That is actually rather reassuring to know, as I'm not sure that I would always want to tell for the "Herpes Chick" and other reasons!
  • kiki474747
    kiki474747 FelizCastus

    Posted

    I'm not really a newbie but honestly don't have much knowledge. I've got it once 2 years ago and I assumed that it wont' transmit if I don't have the outbreaks. Recently, I got a sex (with hands so no condom) and the guy got it from me. I think I got a sign of the sore but I didn't realize that. He turned me down and made me depressed as I'm going to destroy someone's life and all the world if I kiss or touch anyone. He said he couldn't blame me but he couldn't kiss his nephews anymore. To be honest, I'm feeling so upset. It's my fault innocently. Now I'm feeling on the same way as him that I couldn't have sex with anyone, no date for all of my life as it's  undesirable. :-((
  • kiki474747
    kiki474747 FelizCastus

    Posted

    What is daily suppressive therapy by the way? I'm learning to live with it.
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus kiki474747

      Posted

      Hi Kiki! First of all, if you haven't already done so, you need to confirm that you really do have genital herpes, and if so, which type, as it makes a big difference. Secondly, you need to learn more about it. I have created a very useful discussion thread, so please take a look (see link below).

      https://patient.info/forums/discuss/genital-herpes-useful-info-for-those-looking-for-answers-like-me--482438

      I cover daily suppressive therapy in the thread. Basically, it's daily antiviral medication to minimise your outbreak frequency/severity and infectiousness to others. Usually only recommended for HSV-2, not so much HSV-1.

      You should note that genital herpes can most definitely be passed *without* outbreak symptoms, but even more so with. Avoiding sex (and any genital intimacy) during outbreaks and using condoms helps, but is not 100%. Antiviral meds offer an extra layer of protection. But again, you should find out which type you have.

  • cheri03545
    cheri03545 FelizCastus

    Posted

    So the herpes 2 is the worse kind? Does this mean I am going to have outbreaks all the time? It's my first outbreak doctor said its usually the worse but he said I didn't have it that bad when it comes to sores cause I have 1 sore and its inside on the left and it hurts so bad I can only imagine the women who get sores all over especially on the uthera. I am scared to have sex and scared of touching my children
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus cheri03545

      Posted

      HSV-2, if that's what you definitely have, is the one with the worse social stigma, is more infectious whether with or without symptoms (but only via sexual intimacy; your kids are fine), and usually outbreaks more often.

      If you touch the area, especially during an outbreak, just wash your hands afterwards before touching anything or anyone else, including yourself. Objects don't transmit the virus, but best not to immediately share a damp towel that has been in contact with genital lesions.

    • cheri03545
      cheri03545 FelizCastus

      Posted

      I have one sore deep inside and I ain't touching that or sticking anything in there . when I go pee I Pat dry after staying on it to dry it because I don't want to wipe wrong and add more sores. Sounds like I am doomed
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