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As you may have seen through other posts I was prescribed mirtazapine but due to side effects of swelling and muscle ache my GP has changed them to Venlafaxine 75 mgs daily. I have taken them for 1 week now. Not had any problems switching from one to the other. Yesterday I was at a christening and although at first I felt no one cared I quite enjoyed the day.
Today I didn't want to get up this morning, but I was due to for some voluntary work at a cafe. When I got to cafe I wasn't really needed. I could have stayed but we would have been falling over each other so I decided not to work. If I had done what I was normally used too doing I would have been ok, becsise i would have been busy and my mind would have been occupird, but because of the situation I just felt not wanted. Yes I know it was stupid to feel like that so I thought I would go and do some shopping. I managed to break a vase in a big chain store, staff were fine and said it didn't: matter and proceeded to clear it up. However all I did was stand there and started crying. I felt so stupid with myself.
I eventually managed to compose myself enough to drive home. Now I am sat here thinking how do other people present with depression. I feel I am a one off and I wish it on myself. The thoughts I have when I am alone are always negative and that provokes a feeling I am doing myself no favours (which I know I am not,) but I just don't seem to help it. I just want to be happy but I am not. I have said too my GP I have wondered if I have a form of bipolar but I do not have the extreme highs.I just feel so low today I don't feel life is worth living.
Thanks for listening
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