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Could this be the light at the end of the dark tunnel?

Posted , 4 users are following.

karen76145
karen76145

Hi everyone, I finally woke up this morning feeling very good. Haven't felt like this in probably a year. But I am almost scared to feel too happy, as I'm afraid it won't last. I still don't have all my motivation back. I would so appreciate any thoughts and encouragement right now, as I don't really know how to act and a little anxious.

0 likes, 23 replies

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  • katecogs
    katecogs karen76145

    Posted

    Yep, this sounds like it is!!  When I recovered on SSRI's, that dreaded anxious morning feeling upon waking was the last thing to disappear for me.    I had occasional mornings when it came back, but gradually every morning became a joy to wake up and start living again.

     It does feel strange to feel like this again after so long, and even though you may get mornings of feeling not so good, they'll disappear.  Motivation is tough, and should return.

    K x

    • karen76145
      karen76145 katecogs

      Posted

      Thank you so much for replying so quickly!  I feel really good, but I am afraid to let myself go on and feel it all the way. I guess I don't trust it. Is this normal? 
    • karen76145
      karen76145 katecogs

      Posted

      Sorry if this is a silly question, but I just don't know how to act.

       

    • katecogs
      katecogs karen76145

      Posted

      No worries, I know what you mean :-)

      When I recovered many years ago I first remember thinking once when I was out 'oh my, I haven't thought of "it" for a while'!!  I hadn't actually realised  I was feeling normal.  It did feel strange and I felt scared to even blink in case it vanished.  I got more and more of these episodes, mostly at the end of the day and like you, I was afraid it would disappear and I wouldn't find it again.  Each day I'd wake feeling anxious and rubbish, and as the day wore on I'd feel great.

      Yes it is normal to be apprenshive of 'letting go' and actually enjoying it.  But it really does sound like this is recovery and how it happened for me too.  Remember that this feeling might disappear, (it might not), but don't worry if it does as it'll definitely come back.

      When I started waking feeling good first thing and it lasted throughout the day, I knew I'd finally turned the corner and was truly well again.

      Ive been well for 15 years now ...... life is soooooo good!

      Enjoy the feeling, hug yourself, smile, run outside and yell ....... it's great!

    • karen76145
      karen76145 katecogs

      Posted

      I just feel so good and I think I will hug myself and run outside!

      Praise God!

    • katecogs
      katecogs karen76145

      Posted

      Haha  :-)

      Let us know how it goes ...... the continuation, not the hugs lol cheesygrin

    • karen76145
      karen76145 katecogs

      Posted

      Hi katecogs. The last few days I am back down to just mediocre. Still having ups and downs, only much less distressing. Much more managable with the anxiety. But, yes, steadily improving. 
    • karen76145
      karen76145

      Posted

      I can see more aspects of myself coming back. smile
    • katecogs
      katecogs karen76145

      Posted

      Hi Karen

      So you aren't feeling as good?  It does happen - this is the up and down period I suspect, so feeling mediocre is temporary.  You know you're steadily improving, and you'll find as time goes by you'll feel that elated feeling again more and more.  Eventually the mediocre feeling will go.

      It does seem to follow a pattern with most people.  I went through this same pattern too.  Sometimes I felt not happy, yet not sad ..... a sort of nothingness.  It eventually got better.

      Amazing how slow recovery takes.  Always 2 steps forward and 1 back each time.

      K x

    • karen76145
      karen76145 katecogs

      Posted

      You are sooo encouraging Kate. Yeah, I'm in that kind of mood today. Not happy, but not sad. Two steps forward and 1 step back is right.
    • katecogs
      katecogs karen76145

      Posted

      I've been there many times, and again when I restarted these meds.  It's annoying, and I remember sighing a lot :-)  I felt I had no emotions inside me at all ..... this nothingness.  It seemed to go on for ages, but looking back it was probably only a few weeks.  Just another phase to go through.  Yes throughout the whole of recovery it's definitely those 2 steps forward, 1 step back.  You feel small progress only to slip back again.  Happens all the time right through til the end.

      You're progressing really well, and that happy feeling is sure to come back soon, eventually staying all the time.

      K x :-) :-) :-)

    • karen76145
      karen76145 katecogs

      Posted

      That "nothingness feeling", was that when you were leveling out, before you finally got back all your normal emotions?
    • katecogs
      katecogs karen76145

      Posted

      Yes it was.  Flat, nothing ... not even anxiety.  No joy in doing anything at all, but not depressed or anxious either.  It slowly lifted after a while.
    • karen76145
      karen76145 katecogs

      Posted

      Update:

      I'm still having the ups, flat feelings, and downs all seem to be lasting about a week each. I'm am now in a depressed period. Hoping I will get back into a good place again soon. I guess this is still par for the course.

  • Meeps
    Meeps karen76145

    Posted

    Hi Karen,

    so encouraging ! 

    What dosage of Flu are you on. I was just increased to 40 mg 3 days ago . Was on 30 mg for 6 weeks. On it for depression and OCD. Been dealing with this almost a year, tried Lexapro, sertraline ...think dosage was too high left GP and went to a psychiatrist....bridged me from 150 mg Sertraline to Flu. ......ready to be my old normal self! Always wake up feeling blah, no smiles and feeling down ...for no reason. Start to feel better as the day goes on, feel tired though but by evening I feel almost normal. Hoping I wake up in the morning with a smile. Need encouragement that the 40 mg will kick in!

    Guess this isn't encouraging to you....but your encouraging me! wink

    • karen76145
      karen76145 Meeps

      Posted

      I've been on 40mg for 4 mo. I was thinking about going up to 50mg a couple of weeks ago, but decided to hold out a little longer and I'm glad I did because I've noticed a big improvement since then. Going up can increase symptoms again. Being on 30mg for only 6 weeks is not very long. If you do get bad side effects from the increase, you can always go back to 30mg and wait awhile longer. It can take a long time to get leveled out. Katecogs said it took her son 5-6mo. to start to feel good, and now he is back to his normal happy self. I hope you get well quickly!
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