CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY

Ladies, I can really relate to all of you.  A few years ago I signed up for a fun job with a direct sales company, which requires me to do home parties.  I used to just love it, getting out with other ladies and doing the sales.  I've been somewhat successful, and now have a team of 42 women under me and have even gone on free trips that I earned.  But in the last few months, something has changed in me, and I'm not the same person.  I feel so much anxiety, just picking up the phone and calling customers or just having to leave the house.  I don't even like going to the grocery store any more.  I feel like I've lost myself, and I'm sure my husband does too.  I am downright rude and mean to him when I get really out of control which I hate.  He is a kind and patient guy and tries to understand.  Now I know why so many couples get divorced after 30 years of marriage - meno changes a person and I could see why a man would have a hard time sticking around for that.  Also though, I started stuggling with my feelings towards my husband, always internally criticizing everything he does, getting easily exasperated with him when he really doesn't deserve it.  The feelings are real, but the situation isn't, if that makes sense.  I don't know how I can deal with this for the next number of years.  I feel like I'm going insane sometimes.  I want to stay home, but I feel like doing nothing.  Then stuff piles up and causes anxiety, but I feel too overwhelmed to deal with it.  On top of that, I have the demands from the ladies on my team (I never used to see it as demands, but opportunity to help others...) which stresses me out.  I feel like a ship that is slowly sinking.

I feel fat and ugly wherever I go.