Cutting my alcoholic friend out of my life

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I have had a close friend around me for several months who has a drinking problem which they admit to having and Im not a drinker. This friend or now ex friend did try to get some help and support by his GP couldnt really do much for him. My ex friend did try to cut down on the cans he was drinking everyday because when I first got involved with him to help him. He was on 9 litres of Cider a day, he gave that up and went on to weak cans of lager. He stopped them for a fews days then relapsed and went back on to them. But he has refused to ever go into Rehab, why I dont know but I think he has a big fear about it. He has no one else left in his life, well no one at all. I have done a lot for this now ex friend of mine if not to much and I do know now he will be hiding from the world again drinking away. I have had to tell him I dont want nothing more to do with him unless he is willing to except real help with going into Rehab, otherwise stay out of my life. It was a hard desecion to make as I would say me and my ex friend was probably more closer then friends, but I refused any relationship with him and an alcoholic and non alcoholic do not work out at all that way. There became occasions where he would get very verbally nasty and blame all of his problems on me if he was drunk, then test me with mind games. No Im done with all of that and my ex friend is better of learning how to deal with his own inner demons on his own. He did tell me many times how much he hated his life and wanted to give up drinking, but I just dont feel like he had the strength to do it in the end. So now I believe I have done the right thing and walked away from him, even though he does live just round the corner from me which could still be a problem as long as he leaves me a lone now. If someone isnt willing to help themselves, then I believe there is no point being around people like that.

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  • Posted

    You are right Wanda. You do have to consider yourself too. Have you left the door open for him to contact you if he decides to seek proper help for his problem?
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    • Posted

      I get what you are saying Linda but Wanda walking away may be the very thing he needs to give him a kick up the backside and, if he DOES decide he doesn't want to lose the one person who has shown she cares, he may decide to do something. Until he shows that he is willing to do something to sort his problem, I agree with you.
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    • Posted

      I think thats the only thing what will make him seek proper help is me keeping away and me sticking to my guns. Yes he knows the door is always open for him to come back to me, but only to get real help. Other then that he is to stay away for good, otherwise he will drag me down with him and possibly make me ill along the way. I do have a feeling its not the last iv heard from him, but in the mean time he will be feeling sorry for himself and drinking at the same time. Not my problem anymore
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    • Posted

      Yes Wanda, I think you are taking the right approach to this. He may feel sorry for himself for a while and drink even more, but he is very likely to think things through and decide to do something to avoid losing you for good.
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    • Posted

      Please stick to your guns.

      He will bring you down. Keep a distance between you.

      Walking away till he wants and genuinely wants help is the only way forward.

      Its not going to be easy but you must do tgst for you own health's sake

      Words are nothing you need to see action from him...

      No action no contact.

      I will try and send private message to you later and you will see what I mean.

      Good luck and love to you x

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    • Posted

      At the moment he seems to be acting like he is a victim in all of this and because i have fallen out with him by giving my word to him that there is no more contact between us until he seeks help. Then he is blaming everything as my fault and everyone elses fault. He probably does think I will change my mind and come back to him which is what he will want, but his actions as hiding away from the whole is attention seeking as i see it. 
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    • Posted

      Yes as usual everything is someone else's fault.

      He will blame everyone except himself, sadly he truly believes its every everyone else's

      fault.

      Please be prepared that he may not seek help..... If this happens fir your own sake let go and stay away. No communication at,all.

      He us killing himself

      Please walk away if he does nothing.

      Maybe your last remark that may work is

      Ask him what he wants at his funeral?

      And has he enough money to pay for it.

      Tell him you won't be at the fuberal as he is killing himself. Xx

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    • Posted

      At first when this all started of me helping him for several months. I would say I went to far helping him my own way by buying him new clothes, and other things I could see he didnt have in his life. Since he use to be a biker most of his life as he is 52 years old and I am only 31. Yes big age gap there!!! I even made him an offer to him to agree that if he could get himself of the alcohol I would buy him a brand new Kawasaki cbr 1140 motobike. He told me not to even go down that road and forget about spending such a big sum of money on him. It would have cost me nearly £8000. Now he could have said yes to that and he refused it which prooved to me, he wasnt using me for my money which is good. But at the same time I kept saving a lot of money up as I would have bought him this supersports bike in the end. But when I could see he was struggling to stop the drinking and refused any proper help like Rehab. I am now so glad I never spent that amount of money of him as it would have been a waste of time and at the moment. He doesnt deserve my support either way because its all blown over now. So now he will have to approach the real road if he wants proper help which i will help him with. Other then that. Its his choice now
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    • Posted

      At first when this all started of me helping him for several months. I would say I went to far helping him my own way by buying him new clothes, and other things I could see he didnt have in his life. Since he use to be a biker most of his life as he is 52 years old and I am only 31. Yes big age gap there!!! I even made him an offer to him to agree that if he could get himself of the alcohol I would buy him a brand new Kawasaki cbr 1140 motobike. He told me not to even go down that road and forget about spending such a big sum of money on him. It would have cost me nearly £8000. Now he could have said yes to that and he refused it which prooved to me, he wasnt using me for my money which is good. But at the same time I kept saving a lot of money up as I would have bought him this supersports bike in the end. But when I could see he was struggling to stop the drinking and refused any proper help like Rehab. I am now so glad I never spent that amount of money of him as it would have been a waste of time and at the moment. He doesnt deserve my support either way because its all blown over now. So now he will have to approach the real road if he wants proper help which i will help him with. Other then that. Its his choice now
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    • Posted

      At first when this all started of me helping him for several months. I would say I went to far helping him my own way by buying him new clothes, and other things I could see he didnt have in his life. Since he use to be a biker most of his life as he is 52 years old and I am only 31. Yes big age gap there!!! I even made him an offer to him to agree that if he could get himself of the alcohol I would buy him a brand new Kawasaki cbr 1140 motobike. He told me not to even go down that road and forget about spending such a big sum of money on him. It would have cost me nearly £8000. Now he could have said yes to that and he refused it which prooved to me, he wasnt using me for my money which is good. But at the same time I kept saving a lot of money up as I would have bought him this supersports bike in the end. But when I could see he was struggling to stop the drinking and refused any proper help like Rehab. I am now so glad I never spent that amount of money of him as it would have been a waste of time and at the moment. He doesnt deserve my support either way because its all blown over now. So now he will have to approach the real road if he wants proper help which i will help him with. Other then that. Its his choice now
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    • Posted

      Yes, it doesn't sound like he was ever after your money. I'm sure that he will struggle along for a while and then decide he wants your friendship back. You are right to stand firm. By giving in, you would be reinforcing his behaviour.
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    • Posted

      Wanda u have to move on and find another friend, l use to be like you feel sorry for people only to find out years later that l felt that way bcoz l was depressed, bcoz l am not been funny why would you want to by a stranger a motor bike, you seem to me as someone who is suffering from depression hence your kindness is exageratted, l am just trying to help you as well bcoz l can see u are feeling guilty about someone you barely know bcoz 8 months is not a lot, if you feel guilty just know its not normal, unless if it was your brother or a chilhood friend, any way cheers.
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    • Posted

      Sorry richard but thats where your wrong. It may seem a bit crazy that I would choose to spend a massive sum of money on someone to buy them a new bike if they gave up their drinking which they didnt. So Im glad i never did. Just because I want to help people which is something I have done all my life with many people does not mean I am depressed. I have my own life, family and I work happly for myself. So you must be thinking of yourself there. I have never suffered with depression before which im grateful for.
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    • Posted

      That's fine l am happy to hear u are fine,l use to suffer from depression and would buy friends things l could not affordbcoz l felt pity for them , cheers good luck.
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    • Posted

      Its no problem. I can understand on some part where your coming from as i do know a few people who have done simerlar things to buying people stuff they cant afford. Even my now ex alcoholic has done this to other people before and tried to buy me things which was generous of him, but I told him there was no need as i know he didnt have a lot of money on him. As for the money I saved up to which i nearly choose to buy him a motorbike on. I spent the money on myself by buying a new car which i have no regrets out. As for my ex alcoholic friend. The doors will always be open to him ONLY if he is willing to get real help by Rehab etc... Other then that he isnt my problem anymore and id rather move on from him
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    • Posted

      Hi Wanda,

      i totally understand tan dur situation. I think u made the right decision. Move on with UR life. If he really cares about u he will do what it takes to find sobriety.

      im truly sorry u went theu so much to help and in the end u did the right thing.

      HOPE4CURE

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