D DAY
Posted , 12 users are following.
So today is going to be the challenge day for me. Saturday is the night I always binge drink at home. It wil be the first Saturday night in many years besides been pregnant or too ill or away at the inlaws that I haven't drank. I also binge on a Sunday as the craving to do it again is strong. I don't work Mondays so that hasn't helped the situation.
I have been feeling positive about it all week that I can do it & trying to look forward to spending the time with my husband after we put our son t bed watch a film order food & remember it all the next day. I always fall asleep as I am wasted & can't remember what the food tasted like or how the film ended. I wake on the couch in the early morning & make my way to bed. Last week I thoought I could try drink a little less but I tried to get as much down me before my husband came downstairs so I would feel I had enough to get intoxicated.
I have to not drink tonight. There is no vodka in the house so I would have to actually go buy it. I have to stay strong & see what it feels like to have a sober Saturday. Yesterday set me back when my friends came to visit I just felt so anxious. I think I just need a quiet life with my family for the next few weeks maybe a month to get to a better state of mind with this.
This forum has helped me so much. I really feel I would not have even gotten to this stage without the support from you lovely people. You understand & pass no judgement. When I feel panickiy I can come on here & vent. Thank you!! I'm hoping in the future I can be more supportive to others too.
Big hugs xxx
3 likes, 86 replies
Misssy2 sadie_dee70150
Posted
I think the most important thing I read in your post (for me) was that you wake up on the couch normally on Saturday morning/night and then go off to bed.
I thought of my children...and I wonder how much your son misses out on his Mom during this "sleeping" recovering and even drinking time.
I'm not judging you at all..since I drank both of my kids childhood AWAY. I barely remember bringing them to the after school sports and I know there was never a time I brought them without my "cup" of alcohol.
There were so many times I put their lives at risk..thankfully nothing dreadful happened (I know you typically drink at home and might now endanger his life).
However, if he were to wake in the middle of the night crying for his Mom..would you even hear him? I wonder how many nights..my child who had open heart called for me when I did not hear him because I was passed out.
Most recently my youngest son 27 had a seizure and needed to be hospitalized. I thanked GOD that I was sober that night and able to be a "present" loving Mom in the hospital vs. the very voisterous over the top drunk I can be. I have been in hospitals drunk visiting or helping care for members of the family...My life was a haze of alcohol.
I hope you give this day to YOURSELF (most of all) and the stuff with the family will be a HUGE bonus. You will see things tonight, feel things tonight, taste things tonight that you have not been able to experience on a Saturday night.
My wish for you is that you wake up tomorrow with a big smile on your face at accomplishing this goal you are working so hard to achieve.
Instead of thinking of this as D DAY..think of this as the awakening day...I feel like thinking of this day in a positive light will keep you on a positive path.
GOOD LUCK SADIE...YOU CAN DO THIS.
sadie_dee70150 Misssy2
Posted
I usually feel guilty on Sunday morning. My husband usuay get sup with my son & I come downstairs at 11 or so & I've missed the morning with them. When I drink it's always when m husnad will be home i have no intersest in drinking & then spending the night alone. If he was out fpr the night I would not bother. I's stay sober I like to b drunk & have interaction with someone. So I never feel klike I'm putting my son in danger as my husband is here but it is not an excuse or make it betterby any means. My son deserves to not have a Mam with these issues. I could be worse by his teenage yers when he understands what is going on. the couple of days after have gone on a binge I don't feel fully engaged with him- its not fair on him.
The relief you must of felt being able to be there for your son when he needed you. How are things for you these days Missy?
I really hope I do too Missy . I will try to be positive today. I spoke to my husband about how I felt yesterday when the girls called & he agreed I wasn't ready for that interaction that infact of course it will be hard as the lifestyle they lead is what I am trying to get away from & its like dangling it infront of my face. its is so goood to be able to speak to him openly & it redirected my thought today.
I will check in with good news tomorrow I hope.
xxxxx
JulieAnne101 sadie_dee70150
Posted
Best wishes Sadie. Please be careful going 'Cold Turkey' watch out for any shakes or sweating
Good luck hon
Kind Regards
JulieAnne
sadie_dee70150 JulieAnne101
Posted
Thanks JulieAnne,
I usually binge drink Saturday & Sunday & not the rest of the week so the first 2 days of the week is hangover & then I do be fine. I haven't drank since Monday so I'm feeling good. I just know when I start to drink i don't want to stop.
Thank you for the support
I hope to have good news tomorrow xx
JulieAnne101 sadie_dee70150
Posted
Oh ok so you will not be in any danger then. Alcohol can creep up on you can't it? My Husband has AUD, but it has made me cut down too. I dont tend to binge drink tho but binge eat, deffo x 😳 x
sadie_dee70150 JulieAnne101
Posted
I think we all have our drug of choice whether it be alcohol, food etc... It certainly can as the day is going on I want it more & more once I get passed today I've done a sober Saturday the first in a long long time. xx
JulieAnne101 sadie_dee70150
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Nat666 sadie_dee70150
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Thinking of you Sadie...you can do this!! ..I so hope you manage it tonight and can spend a 'real ' Sunday tomorrow with your husband and young son..The most wonderful feeling in the world x
sharon07214 sadie_dee70150
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sadie_dee70150 sharon07214
Posted
sadie_dee70150
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Guys it has hit me hard in the last hour how much I want to drink tonight. It's my ritual on Sat . I want that chill feeling. I'm thinking sure just go for it I'll get my prescription on Monday why put myself through no drink tonight, I'm walking the dog with €20 in my pocket thinking of buying some & downing some before I go home but afraid my husband will suspect . I had to write here . This is harder than I thought
sharon07214 sadie_dee70150
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Did you manage to get home without succumbing? X
sadie_dee70150 sharon07214
Posted
I am walking home now the €20 still in my pocket. I didn't do it! It was hard but I didn't do it. I just thought no hopefully I'll get a prescription soon & this will end & after the support my husband gave me I can't let him & my son down.
I'm so happy you got your prescription Sharon please let me know how it works for you I'd love to hear your progress with it. First night on a new road for both of us xx
sharon07214 sadie_dee70150
Posted
Well done you! Yes I'll keep you updated. Hope you get your prescription on Monday! X
sadie_dee70150 sharon07214
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Fingers crossed I do Sharon & please do ! So pleased for you! Xx
sharon07214 sadie_dee70150
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Thanks. A bit nervous as the deep seated fear is that I will be one of the small percentage it won't work for. But that is hopefuly just my insecurity. X
Nat666 sadie_dee70150
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sadie_dee70150 sharon07214
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You will be ok Sharon. It's a huge step forward your on the right track. That is just your anxiety playing up on you. Xxx
sadie_dee70150 Nat666
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Thank you Nat! I'm hoping a foot massage & a film will chill me out instead xxx
Nat666 sadie_dee70150
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Enjoy ! x
Misssy2 sadie_dee70150
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That said..if something happened and you drank...you STILL got further than you did previous Saturdays JUST BY NOT GOING TO THE STORE DURING YOUR WALK...happy for you.
sadie_dee70150 Misssy2
Posted
Hi Misssy!
I got my foot massage & watched a bad film haha!
No drink ! It was a bit hard & it didfeel like something was missing but I did it! It's a start.
Fingers crossed I get a presciption tomorrow xx
Misssy2 sadie_dee70150
Posted
Great for you! Did you feel better today when you woke up?
I hope so...I know you said your "bubble" was burst and from reading some of your responses from this morning...I can tell you missed it.
BUT...you DID it...I'm really proud of you for trying so hard and accomplishing what you set your mind to do...Funny, you eat when drinking and like it better...I am totally adverse to food when I drink.
sadie_dee70150 Misssy2
Posted
Hi Misssy,
Yes I did miss it. The build up to the night was hard & its happening again now. Sunday evening triggers have started & I'm making up excuses to go get some drink such as I did well last night & I'll be seeing the doc tomorrow & sure I'll sort it then. It is crazy how from the morning & then now it can all change.
I felt good this morning that I had done it but not full of excitement as I've a long road to face. It's the habit I am craving that moment I have a drink while he puts our son to bed I feel terrible admitting that. I know I did not drnk last night but I missed it & it will be same tonight
It is funny considering I can't remember how much i ate the next day or what it tasted like exactly or just know last night it wasn't the same. During the week I eat so healthy I think I let loose when drunk & want bad food lol
Husband has gone for a nap & iam fighting the temptation to go buy alcohol.
Nat666 sadie_dee70150
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oooh I have just seen this...Hope you do get your prescription tomorrow.... new beginnings
sadie_dee70150 Nat666
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Misssy2 sadie_dee70150
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Did you make it sadie? My heart really hurts for your struggle..I know exactly what it is like...I'm amazed that my son was out for the night last night and I didn't try to sneak some alcohol in..I actually didn't think about it until this a.m....
When you are "ready" you will be "ready"...take the prescripton...drink next weekend and see how you feel...I am wondering if you will now drink during the week because you "missed" out this weekend.
That has happened to me in the past as well...I did good and then wham..the triggers..and then I would say to myself...I should have just drank on my normal days! Which just meant I wasn't ready...don't give up trying sadie...
sadie_dee70150 Misssy2
Posted
I made it the 2 days without drinking. I actually did it! Once I get over those evening triggers I'm ok. Hard to get through but I did.
During the week is usually ok. I might succumb to it the odd Monday after Sunday's drinking. If I make it through tomorrow it will be a week.
I so hope I get the prescription but I'm preparing myself for a no but I will keep trying if not as I think it is the way forward for me.
I won't Misssy you - I'll keep going & you too you are doing great!! You thought about it in the am but you didn't do it!! xxx
vickylou sadie_dee70150
Posted
Well done.great that you made it through the weekend, am sure you're well chuffed.
The point I was trying to make is you're not physically alcohol dependant. As you said so yourself it's a habbit you're conditioned to.
Whats wrong with looking forward to a blow out at the weekend in moderation. I'm looking forward already to Friday night. Ten of us meeting up for a few bevies, good craic, a good laugh followed by a few drinks and a good Indian?
Fingers crossed you get your prescription today
JulieAnne101 sadie_dee70150
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sadie_dee70150 vickylou
Posted
gwen45436 sadie_dee70150
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Oooh sadie just why do we have to fight - why can't we just think (like my hubs) - naah I won't bother tonight - I will have a glass of water ....... whaaaat! I drink 3 pints of water through the day and I sure don't want it at night as well.
Feeling this big time for ya.
G.
gwen45436 vickylou
Posted
Whatever keeps you going guys - something to look forward to does really help you keep on track.
Best to ya all.
G.
sadie_dee70150 vickylou
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This is the part that gets me. Yes I only do it at the weekend so why give that up? Then again if it's all look forward to that's bad.
vickylou sadie_dee70150
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Sadie well done, you made the weekend without a drink, really pleased for you
No I've never taken nalmafene or naltrexone. The only drug I took was campral for 12 months.
vickylou gwen45436
Posted
It's good to have you back posting Gwen. Your posts are always uplifting, no doom and gloom 😄😄
OMG I'd forgotten paidric's day. My catholic upbringing always made 17/3 a good day. I went to a very strict convent school run by the nuns. Looking back however, I should have said wicked, rather than strict, but this isn't the place to explain why, other than saying the Catholic Church has a lot to answer for! Thanks for the reminder
sadie_dee70150 vickylou
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Thank you!
How did Campral work for you. I see you allow yourself to let your hair down & enjoy yourself. xx
vickylou sadie_dee70150
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Sadie
Campral worked very well for me. I took it for 12 months straight after a home detox. It really annoys me that if you manage to be detoxed, plans should be in place to start campral straight after detox.
Yes I do drink socially and also at home. I don't drink alone and i don't drink spirits. Drink of choice is champagne (oh hates it. He's a beer man!) or ill drink prosecco at home. Usually old Rosie cider when out.
The difference now is that I never wake up wanting a drink and I know when I've had enough. I've also agreed not to hide drink, not to have a secret supply and if I buy wine when shopping I'm open and honest and leave it on the side. This has worked out well for us. I don't feel guilty, I'm 58, if I want a drink OH knows so need to hide it. Secret drinking IMO doesn't work as there is no trust and guilt makes it a dirty secret which will only get worse
i have to be honest and say the thought of not drinking ever again would be horrible, but if I had to for health reasons I would.