Posted , 12 users are following.

So today is going to be the challenge day for me. Saturday is the night I always binge drink at home. It wil be the first Saturday night in many years besides been pregnant or too ill or away at the inlaws that I haven't drank. I also binge on a Sunday as the craving to do it again is strong. I don't work Mondays so that hasn't helped the situation. 

I have been feeling positive about it all week that I can do it & trying to look forward to spending the time with my husband after we put our son t bed watch a film order food & remember it all the next day. I always fall asleep as I am wasted & can't remember what the food tasted like or how the film ended. I wake on the couch in the early morning & make my way to bed. Last week I thoought I could try drink a little less but I tried to get as much down me before my husband came downstairs so I would feel I had enough to get intoxicated. 

I have to not drink tonight. There is no vodka in the house so I would have to actually go buy it. I have to stay strong & see what it feels like to have a sober Saturday. Yesterday set me back when my friends came to visit I just felt so anxious. I think I just need a quiet life with my family for the next few weeks maybe a month to get to a better state of mind with this. 

This forum has helped me so much. I really feel I would not have even gotten to this stage without the support from you lovely people. You understand & pass no judgement. When I feel panickiy I can come on here & vent. Thank you!! I'm hoping in the future I can be more supportive to others too.

Big hugs xxx

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  • Posted

     if  can go without drinking easily during the week, you're not physically dependant. It's a habit rather than an actual craving. 

    I really enjoy Indian food, the hotter and spicier the better. However it's always after several hours in a pub. I associate Indian food with alcohol and could never imagine eating a curry without it. 

    However I now know I can enjoy my Indian food with or without alcohol. You've become conditioned to associate alcohol with Saturday nights.

    If you google Pavlov's theory about classical conditioning and association, you'll see what I'm trying to say.

    Hey, I've just had a takeaway without the pub first, OH has had his normal couple of bottles of Adnams (something like that) and my 'old Rosie cider' is still in the fridge, just didn't fancy it.

    Hope your evening goes well

    • Posted

      It is not that simp,e vickylou. I too can make myself go days without alcohol (so not dependent in the sense that done are) but I still crave the alcohol....just able to abstain for days then inevitably succumb and binge, Just starting Naltrexone now so fingers and toes crossed.
    • Posted

      I have been the same Sharon with my drinking .Most of it has been done in binges usually with many days abstinence in between.I would often crave during this time not always cave in but instead focus on the next session .I now take nalmefene which helps me deal with this perfectly and I am now 3 months plus in and feel my brain is now showing positive signs of a very different relationship with alcohol..Resetting the brain. I so hope that the Naltrexone does the same for you .. healing vibes to you x
    • Posted

      Nat  you sound just like me. I would have thoughts of it between binges but I set myself Saturdays & Sundays only as I have a child & a part time job with my routine during the week I can't afford to be hungover for.  I was drinking some days during the week in secret before I had my  child but the binges at the weekend was a half bottle of vodka each night. I really hope I get Nalmefene to reset my brain too. Have your reduced your intake Nat? xxx

    • Posted

      Hi VickyLou,

      Yeah I don't physically crave the alcohol its a habit ingrained in me for many years & I do be looking forward to it all week. It's like looking forward to something exciting happening at the weekend all week. It os not good for that to be the thing that gets you most excited. Once I start at home I want more & more. If I am out at a meal however I can just have a glass or 2. It's very strange it does have to do with circumstance with me.

      I have to admit my usual takeaway without being under the influence did not taste as good. I felt full quicker. I crave the takeaway more when I have been drinking that is for sure. Another habit that has been long going on. I love to get drunk & get a takeaway its like a ritual. lol 

    • Posted

      Thanks Nat, It is good to hear from someone also trying it. They say it can take about 6 months to a year to retrain. Please keep me posted to say if another 3 months makes even more of a difference. So glad it is beginning to help.
    • Posted

      Hi Sadie dee 

      Yep its like a psychological dependence, Sometime I couldnt contain it to the weekend and drink heavily in the week too which made daily living a nightmare being hungover and trying to work etc etc ..The trouble was once I started like most of us I just couldn't stop and always   thinking 'this time it will be different'

      Any sign of you getting nalmefene or naltrexone . I am sure when you do you will see such an amazing difference in your drinking.It really is like a miracle. I havent even bothered this weekend, just had no feeling that I wanted to drink and when I do have a drink a couple of glasses of wine is enough, occasionally it has gone to 3 but I really dont enjoy the 3rd,.

      There are  two bottles of wine in the cupboard and a bottle of brandy from Xmas , A few months ago they  would have been gone in a shot (lots of shots lol)

      Thinking of you x

    • Posted

      Hi Nat!!

      Wow! It seems amazing! So glad it is working for you. 

      I will be going to my gp in the morning to ask for a prescription & my husband is coming with me. Based in Ireland so I 'm not sure if she will be familar with the medication so I am bringing printouts with me. I hope I don't have to do a lot of convincing. I am nervous about not getting it & if not I will keep trying elsewhere. 

      Lol cheesygrin that is great news. So do you feel like you don't even miss the alcohol! I look forward to that feeling & enjoying the simple things in life more. xxx

    • Posted

      It would seem that the world is ignorant of TSM, so don't be surprised if it isn't known in Ireland 😁 xx

  • Posted

    How did things go today for you? 
    • Posted

      Not great. Doctor wants to research Selincro before prescribing it & will let me know next Monday. She said to me but you have just done a week with no alcohol so keep going with that. So I think next Monday if I stll haven't drank she will say it's been 2 weeks now keep going you don't need this. ugh!!

  • Posted

    So this is the part of that is wreaking my head is that I don't drink during the week. Occasionally it pops into my head but I always think about what I have to do the next morning & it just doesn't seem worth it. I managed to cut out Friday night & even there about 3 weeks ago I poured myself a drink on a Friday & stopped after 2 infact my husband drank a bit more than me. Saturday though is the day I say you can have it tonight. 

    I walked back from the doctors this morning & I said to my husband if I don't manage to get Selincro in the near future & the only option is to abstain I could be abstaining for the rest of  my life when I actually don't need to. He agreed he said your problem looks bad because of the secret drinking besides that yeah you go overboared sometimes but you don't drink every day so you could be abstaining for life from your anxiety & being too hard on yourself. From that discussion I am more confused than ever. I'm thinking well if I can contain it to just a 'blow out' once a week why not??? Then I know though that I will want to drink a lot though to get that feeling I crave the relaxed I don't care feeling. In order to do that  would need to drink more than what my husband would think was ok so secret drinking would come into it again. Then I think well make it a rule not to secret drink & just have what is out in the open & drink at social events.

    Is this the alcohol talking to me or am I being too hard on myself? I have spent the last week thinking about this situation to the point of having a bad headache today. 

    I am in general a very bad decision maker comes from anxiety. 


    • Posted

      Dear Sadie,.....No, No, No you are not being too hard on yourself. It I still the alcohol talking. Like you I am a secret drinker and have tried do many times to convince myself I won't or I'll have less or I'll only drink with friends etc. For me this has gone on for years which is why I finally decided I needed help and more preferably retraining of my mind. I think deep down you know the answer to your own question. Your husband is bading his conversation on what he knows you drink not on all the extra that you know you also drink.

      I was afraid that if I just abstained then if I failed (I am a bit of a perfectionist, an all or nothing kind of person) I would just spiral down again. So many people of this forum share their experiences of having abstained then when they fell were worse than ever.

      Hope this is helpful.

    • Posted

      Never forget that your brain has been altered by alcohol Sadie, it is insidious. So stop blaming yourself hon xx You have got options now, you don't have to abstain. Your GP does not have to live with the worry of a relapse. Only you know how you feel when you wake up in the morning after a drinking session the night b4

      Have you ever counted how many units you are actually consuming in a week?

      Kind Regards


    • Posted

      Thanks Sharon! I am such an indecisive person in general & torment myself making decisions yet I can't rest easy until I have a decision made. I wish I just had the meds so I could decide to start. I face another weekend of no alcohol & I'm afraid in will cave. I think it's been a bad day today.

      I know what you mean my husband doesn't know how much I actually ha e been consuming. I neefed a pep talk Sharon thank you!

      This is hard. Last week I was in a better place reality kicked in. Xxx

    • Posted

      I might use that line to say to my GP next week. I was already thinking she hadn't got a clue what it's like. How can she even understand. She is going by the book. I have to come well prepared to the next appointment.

      I would say over the Sat & Sun it would be in total a full bottle of vodka so a half bottle each night on occasion a bit more if there is a bit of whiskey there I might dip into that. I don't know what that is in units. If I'm out with friends or go to there home & bring a bottle of vodka I could if consumed 3/4 & have gone to blackout stage. The girls I hang out & perform with always drink to get wasted so I tend to go mad too but I don't get to go out that often xx

    • Posted

      My point is, if you could work out how many units you are having above the reccomended limit for women, it MIGHT help you to persuade your GP that although you are a w/e drinker you could be well over the limit and need the Selincro. I say might, I haven't got a lot of respect for GP's regarding AUD x 😡 x

      Kindest Regards


    • Posted

      Sadie Sadie listen to Sharon.The alcohol monster is trying to fool you.I too could abstain during the week if I really tried, I could also secret drink , I could lie to myself and everyone else about my drinking and also make myself so frequently feel so physically ill with it too.I could crash out on the settee and wake up in the small hours and barely be able to function the next day (often a Sunday) I could also go to work desperately hungover and I could also stop drinking for weeks at a time if I tried hard enough. I would then convince myself I was able to drink 'normally' only to go crashing down again. I have HAD to face I have a problem and to do something about that problem .I now with the help of nalmefene drink more like a normal drinker , that's as long as I take my pill and remain compliant and mindful. Although still early days life has been transformed .I do really really hope you get this medication ...keep fighting lovely ! xxx

    • Posted

      You are welcome my love. I know it is so hard. Just keep telling yourself you will get the medication somehow, in time. You will Sadie....one way or another! So just hang in there! Once I thought I was going to get it I felt more positive. You too can start to be positive because you know you will get the medication soon from some source or other. Just keep telling yourself this. You won't have to or will be doing it without this help. Keep telling yourself that my lovely. X

    • Posted

      Thank you Nat! These encouraging words really help. I'm just looking for an excuse to drink & the longer I am waiting oon the medication the harder it will be to resist. I think I should of acted more distressed in the docto;'s today. I think I appear too together whan talking about it as I find I always try to hold myself well it would shock people to know i had a problem. I suffer bad with anxiety but only those suer close to me would notice. 

      I hope so too. I have to go in fighting for it next week. I may tell her I relapased even if I haven't to see if his will sway her. xx

    • Posted

      I'll keep trying to tell myself that Sharon. I will get it. I have to  just got to wait it out now. This is the hard bit. Just got to get through this bit. Please let me know how the meds work for you. 

      Thank you lady it means a lot xxx

    • Posted

      Yep I think you might have to tell the doctor that too..just bend the truth a bit to get her on side

      In reality it will be true even if you don't to relapse , you will just be talking about a different week lol

      I have similar problems especially with the ARC ,I think I came across pretty much together and them not really taking on board the seriousness of what I was saying about my alcohol issues .They are more understanding of drug problems than AUD ! x

    • Posted

      Yes Nat is right....you may need to bend the truth a little. It might be easier next time if your hubby waits in the waiting room this time. Then you can use a typical week as an example even if you imply it was last week. X
    • Posted

      After my 12 months on campral, my plan was to drink socially when with friends or OH. He and I agreed that if I started to want one I'd buy a bottle of wine, put it on show somewhere and I'd drink it when he came home. He agreed not to pour it down the sink. This worked fine until the secret and devious side of drinking took over.

      The answer was obvious, why had I not thought of it before, simple buy two bottles until the two became three. Back to square one again.

      ?My husband has always said " I can deal with you drinking, what I can't do with is the lies, deceit, secrecy and total lack of trust and driving home from work thinking what will she be like?"

      That seems a lifetime ago now, and certainly a path I have no intention of following


    • Posted

      I hear ya! The deceit part of this is the one I find the hardest. I hate beign deceitful & I think it will come back to haunt me one day. I find it hard in general to lie to people but with this it was always my dark secret. 

      I'm glad you seem to be in a better place now xxx

    • Posted


      Youre not going to Spain in the near future are you.? You could buy this medication over the counter 18 months ago, along with diazepam, basically the drugs we have difficult getting on prescription!! Am sure Joanna could find out for you.

      Have you thought of seeing a private dr who could issue a private prescription. Might be worth looking into, and would be safer than using an online pharmacy 

    • Posted

      Don't get me going on the help drug addicts get Nat!! My pet hate. We all know why, but it's very unfair

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