Dad diagnosed with copd

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Hi everyone 

my dad has been diagnosed with severe copd(nov 16) ...i have read so many stories and information my heads going to burst..i honestly dont even know what i am looking for as i have read it all before, its as if i think i will find an answer...i know others with copd and dont get me wrong they arent great but they still going after all these years but then i ask myself how long has my dad had it.. if hes severe..and because hes up and about i think hes ok still years left ...he still smokes and i dont see him giving it up i would be shocked..i know nobody knows when they will die but see when a illness hangs over your head i cant deal with not knowing... i dont know how to shake this feeling...i keep saying stop reading stuff i get on with it but then i start googling it again grrrr sorry for the rant but nobody eles knows how i feel

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20 Replies

  • Posted

    hiya  Leanne  im so  sorry that  you  are  beating  your self  up  about  this,  its  quite  understandable.     now  im not  an  expert   on this   as i  was  only diagnosed copd  around   a  month  ago.     im  wondering  how  your  Dad  feels  about  it  all.   can  you talk  to him  about  it.     its such  a  shame he  cant  give  up  the  smoking.   im  only  early  stages   and  i  can  tell you  im  really struggling  with  every  day  things.    i  get  so  breathless  and  tired.   i  do  also  have  a  heart  issue.      i  gave  up  smoking   nearly  3  years  ago,  so  i  can  only imagine  if  i  had  carried  on smoking   who  knows  i  might  not  even  be  here.   if  you  cant   talk  to your dad  about  your  feeling.     im  thinking  maybe  you  should  speak   to the  GP.   im  sure  he  will  explain  things  to  you.   wishing  you  all the  best  love  julie   xxxxxxxxxxxx     in  case  your wondering my  age  group  im  59   xxx
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    • Posted

      hi julie 

      thanks for the reply... sorry to hear you have it and also heart problems...hes dealing with fine from what he makes out..he does tell me when hes struggling but i know he will hide some of it...i havnt gave him a hard time about still smoking as i can imagine it being hard hes nearly 62 and smoked since he was about 9

      love leanne 

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    • Posted

      hiya  Leanne  well  if  it  was  my  Dad  i  would  leave  him to  his smoke,  bless  him   its prob  his  little  enjoyment   in life,    and   you  cant  take  that  away  from him.    all  i  can  say   is  spent  time  with  him.    and  talk,  and  ask  him things        i must  admit   i sometimes  think  if  only  my mam or  dad  was  here  i  would  ask  them  such and  such  a  thing.      enjoy  your  time  with  him.    love  and  best  wishes  to  you and  dad   julie  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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    • Posted

      Hi Julie 

      over the years i told him he should stop but i dont want to stress him with going on about it...i am trying to just go with it...and think whatever happens happens...i dont want him to die but if hes happy smoking what can i do.. i always pop in asap i work and with 4 kids i am always busy but i call aswel

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  • Posted

    How old is your dad Hun?  He may have resolved that the time he has left he may as well enjoy it smoking.  I can see his point.  The only thing you can do is be there for him and support him in any way you can.  You have to remember he is a grown man and I am sure knows the risks of continuing smoking.  Copd is a hard pill to swallow,  stay strong and try to rember this is his life.
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    • Posted

      hey 

      thanks fro replying...hes nearly 62 but smoked since he was about 9...i dont give him a hard time about smoking ...yes if he quits he might add a few years on but i keep telling myself why cause all that stress he be aswel enjoying it...i guess what i struggle with not knowing when...i feel like i am just waiting on something happen...he also has a twist in his spine due to work and arthritis ...doesnt exercise or get fruit some veg and hes only over 8st so when something happens he will struggle to fight

      leanne 

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    • Posted

      He still young,shame.  Boy are men stuburn, I have copd and my husband watches me suffer everyday but he still smokes, never eats a leafy vegetable and the dude has never been sick in the 30 years I have known him.  Quitting smoking is stressful and stress can cause a host of Heath problems.  Everyone has to decide what's best for themselves.  Maybe cook him a heathy meal for a nice treat and just remind him how much you love him.

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    • Posted

      hi pam  thats  a nice  idea      a  meal.      everyone   on this  site  always  refer  to  smoking     either  they  do   they  have     they dont  now.    from  what  you  know   is  copd   solely down  to  smoking.      as  a  teenager  i had  a  crafty  smoke  like  most  young  people.    but  then  i  didnt  actually  become  what  id  call  a  smoker  till  i  was  39   only did  this  cos  of  family  pressures  etc.   i smoked  for  say  20  years  in the  last  5  years  of  smoking  i  would  buy  tobacco   gold  leaf  i think  and   i would  roll  silly  little  thins  cigs.    im  wondering  if  this  why  ive  now  got  copd.     ive  not smoked  now  for  nearly  3  yrs.   never bothered  me   think  i  just  smoked  for the  sake  of  it.  cos  i gave  up  too  easy.  love  julie  xxxxxxxx
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    • Posted

      Hi July, my dr loves to remind me I have copd from smoking, like I did not know that duh.  If I did not have the chest pain I would still be smoking and never would have known I had copd.  I think it's lovely this person cares so much about her father, if my family took the time to help with my daily stress I bet I would not be as sick as I am now.  I am glad you quit July and are dealing with it well,  this man is lucky he has a child that cares so much.

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    • Posted

      very  well  said  there  pam,   i  totally  agree  with  what  youve  just  said   ie   family   etc.    you  take  care  love  julie   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx   ps  you  said  you have  chest pain,  can  you  tell my  where  exactly  the pain  is.       im only  asking  cos  ive  2 things  going  on heart  and  copd.   my chest  pain  the  medical  team  think  its  my heart.    thanks   julie  xx
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    • Posted

      My chest pain is right where my heart is but I had tests done, heart ok three good X-rays .  a few dr think it's eather acid reflux, so I changed my diet to low acid, and high ph.  Or post nasal drip,  I have a crocked nose and a sinus infection that won't go away.   What I caugh up seems  to look like what's coming out my nose. I am glad to say it's getting better these last few days. I am seeing a ent in June.   I just hope I don't get my daughters cold.

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    • Posted

      yip guys are stubborn ... i am trying to go with the flow..i always remember going on at him when he started having a cough to go see a doctor because it wasnt going away that was years back...then beginning last year he took really ill not in hospital but on steriods then finaly he went back oct 16 and got diagnosed with this finally in the nov....it was a releif if am honest because i knew something was up and i wanted to know what... thats sounds terraible sad but i know my dad and if they said they couldnt see anything that would have been fine with him.. so atleast now he has inhalers to help.
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  • Posted

    Your right Leanne no one knows when their time is up but your dad can make his last days a bit easier i have stage 4 copd & use to smoke heavy & thought i would never give it up but it was the best thing i ever did ok i have still got copd  but what an improvment & like julie feel i might not still be here if i did not honest Leanne you have got to try to get him to stop ASAP 

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    • Posted

      hi william 

      thanks for reply...i have tried years back...but i dont want to get on his case now..he will probably smoke more if i stress him out...i believe he needs to want to stop himself.. he did cut down a little well so he said lol he is struggling with breathing more than he lets on i think...maybe if he get hospitilized it will give him a big enough fright

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  • Posted

    No body knows when their time is up, perhaps instead of obsessing over how long your Dad has, get into the groove and enjoy all the time you can still have together.  

    Otherwise you may look back and think of all the time wasted on googling how long any one with COPD has left when it could have been time spent thinking up ways you can still enjoy the days ahead with your Dad.

    For sure it would be great if your Dad stopped smoking and for sure there is every possibility that by doing that and going on a pulmonary rehabilitation course, he could prolong his life and the quality of life he can enjoy now and in the future.

    But if you want a real story to spur you into enjoying some quality time with your Dad  I have known 4 people who continued to smoke after diagnosis, and one lasted 5 years, one lasted 12 years, another 10 years and one eventually did stop smoking but alas now has lung cancer in the remaining lung she has left, (the other lung was riddled with cancer and has been removed)  this person still lives today but is on borrowed time.  The person who lasted 10 years had the same lung damage as myself on diagnosis and was diagnosed a year after me.  I am still going 15 years down the line (I stopped smoked within 3 weeks of diagnosis) I have been active and stable most of that time / years.  This winter though, I had flu, then viral bronchitis, another flu strain then pneumonia and I think if I had not been as active or as strong as I was previously I would not have survived.  The experience resulted in further lung damage and diagnosis of additional lung problems and additional probs near the heart.  If I went through that again chances are I may not survive it but I may be lucky and live to tell this tale again who knows.  Either way I am still going keep on doing anything that I can to enhance life and definitely not focus on how much longer I have to live.

    Hope your Dad gives up the cigs and lives a long and lung stable life and can enjoy plenty of up beat conversations and outing with you.

    Instead of thinking how you feel, consider how your Dad may feel.   Are you his full time carer?  If so you need to perhaps seek advice for yourself to help you cope with the situation.  Contact the BLF helplinel.  contact details from this page:

    https://www.blf.org.uk/

     

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    • Posted

      Hi

      I am trying to be as positive as I can but sometimes when he says he doesn't feel great I always think this is it he will end up in hospital....my dad finds it hard to walk anywhere not just because the copd but the twist in his spine really hurts ...I have spoke with British lung foundation and I described everything and was told I had to try convince him to stop smoking eat veg/fruit and exercise which he won't do...we spoke at great length and was told he could die within 2years if he never started taking more care...I wasn't surprised and I know that's the worse case ...I also know a few people with it and honestly can't believe one is still alive...when I think of these people I think my dad will be fine I know it will get him eventually but not to soon then my mind starts again lol I can be a terrible worrier....I have spoke with him about it he seems to be taking it in his stride as far as he's concerned he's something's go to get you ...he also drinks a few cans of beer every night I only mean like 4/5 but someone who treats their body like this it does catch up I guess

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    • Posted

      Morning  Leanne,   i  know  you  cant  help  it.   but  all this  worrying  is  not doing  you  any  good  at  all.     i  really  dont  know  what to say  to you.   at  the  end  of the  day   everyone  is  dying.     as  yet  ive not known  anyone  to  live  forever,  and  actually  i dont think  anyone  would  want  to.    i know  you love  your  Dad  help  him  with  things  he  struggles  with,   but  then   you have to think  about  YOU   and  of  course  your  Family.    you  have  got to have  a  life  of  your own.   

      your  Dad  know  what  hes  doing   and  if thats  his  only pleasure  having  a  smoke  and  a  few  cans,  well  Leanne   im sorry  but  you have to  respect  that  you  really.     please  try  to enjoy your life  as much  as  you  can.    i  always  say  life  is  not  a  dress  rehearsal   this  is  it,  you  only  get  one  crack  at  it.   so  please  enjoy it.   love and  best wishes  to  you     julie   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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    • Posted

      Julie

      Everything you have said is exactly what I say to myself...being a only child no mother or family around I guess plays part of my worrying...but I need to remember about myself I am waiting on a hip operation and I do nothing but worry about everything else lol but from now on I will try be more I can't change the future kinda attitude ...sometimes I just need someone to talk to I guess...thanks for the reply

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    • Posted

      Hiya Leanne   its  me  again,  hope  you dont mind.    ive  just  got to say  i  also  was  an only  child.   and  you wont  believe  this   but  i had  might  right  hip  replaced  on 15th  september.    My  left  hip  was  replace  in  2003.   Although   im  still having  probs  with  that  one.  i  do  use  a  stick,  but  ive  got  a  great  consultant,   he  will  be  looking  into  it  at  a  later date.   ive  too much going on  at the min  to have another  op.  what with  the newly diagnosed  copd.   and   my heart.    I know  its  very difficult   been an only child.   I  nursed  my  dad  at  home   my  mother  was  still at  home, but finding it  difficult  so  i moved in for  a short period  of time  to  care  for  him  in  his  last  days.   I  actually  grieved for him while  he  was  alive.     I  truly   do understand  Leanne  how  difficult  it  is.    please  messege  me  anytime   just for  a chat   a  moan   a  scream  anything  you  like.    lots of  love  julie     ps.  so  you  got an idea of me  i  will  be  60  in July.   very  out  going  like  a good laugh.   xxxxxxxxxxxx
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    • Posted

      Few things in common 😊...my hip replacement is down to my legs not being put into place when I wasborn ...I had no pain until I was 17 now 33 and nhs agreed they have to do it 😩...dreading it but hopefully it will be for the good...

      When you said greeving before someone passes that's what I felt like was happening it's a horrible feeling 😫

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