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Daily High Fives and Daily Struggles

Posted , 8 users are following.

Misssy2
Misssy2

Hi - vickylou and I wanted to start a thread where we all can continue to keep in touch daily if possible.  Our rants and struggles and successes are helping others..

So today for me...people are coming over...I HATE that...none of them drink...but I always feel like I NEED to drink to socialize and it is always a very painful experience - high anxiety ridden the whole time people are around when I am not drinking.

But, I will do this...and get thru this....Its very sad how the small things...are so HARD for me to get thru....

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  • vickylou
    vickylou Misssy2

    Posted

    Another week nearly gone. Three weeks since I last had a drink 😄😄 been doing some Xmas shopping as I want to be organised this year. I particularly don't want to be cooking Christmas lunch after drinking half a bottle of champagne and two bottles of wine.

    last years lunch was a total disaster. We always have beef, pork and a gammon joint. However last year a friend gave me one of his turkeys from his farm which was huge. I'd bought the biggest roasting dish I could find (actually from a catering company hence the size) turkey was sstuffed and ready to go in the oven, then came a major problem, it wouldn't fit in the oven!!! So there I was, bottle of wine gone struggling to get this huge tray in the oven and shut the door.

    Hubby and two sons at the pub, rang their mobiles but they didn't answer. I'd recently had a new kitchen with oven built in. Obviously under the influence, I had a great idea, forget the roasting tray and the turkey went in OK straight on the oven shelf, no thought given to the pork joint cooking in a tray under the turkey.

    i even went through the motions of trying to  baste said turkey with the juices dripping onto the pork. Next roast parsnips, why the hell I put them in at the same time as the turkey God only knows.

    making fresh cranberry sauce I decided to make it smooth so it went in a blender. Might have been a good idea to have put the lid on the blender first! Turned it on and yes, you've got it a newly tiled kitchen wall and floor covered in red grunge resembling a scene from the chain saw massacre. What a mess.

    next disaster was making bread sauce. This looked like a mixture of gruel and wallpaper paste. By now there was a strong burning smell, roasted parsnips which were now black. I can even remember using a chisel to turn them over as the plastic one had melted.

    time for some more wine, candles and carols. Decided to take the charcoal like parsnips out of the oven, but unfortunately the oven glove touched the red hot element and caught fire, better have some more wine!! Well from then on everything went downhill (could this meal get any worse! !!)

    I managed to set the table, but put fish knives and forks out instead.

    Thought I'd better get on with the starter, avocado with smoked salmon and prawns. I couldn't see the point of defrosting the prawns as they would defrost on their own. I'd made a mayonnaise and chilli dip to go with the starter the day before when sober, and I'd also made brandy clotted cream to go with the Christmas pudding. Another glass of wine later I put the sauce on top of the prawns. I knew there was something missing, but couldn't think what. Turned out it was potatoes.

    As everything was under control (joke!) I thought I'd sit down for a minute in the lounge. I can vaguely remember the men coming back from the pub and a lot of shouting going on. Of course I insisted I'd only had one glass of wine, despite there being two empty bottles!! The next thing I remember was waking up in bed at 8pm. Couldn't really remember much, but their was a burnt smell everywhere. Hubby, daughter and sons had salvaged what they could and managed to have some sort of Christmas lunch. Apparently they sat down to eat their starters only to find I'd put brandy butter on top of the prawns!!

    i shall not be drinking whilst cooking Christmas lunch this year!!

    I do apologise for boring you all with my Christmas lunch, but writing it has given me an added incentive, NOT TO DRINK

    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 vickylou

      Posted

      You are SO FUNNY...and an excellent writer.

      I love that story...and fortunately....there is a good possibility we will not be drinking this X-mas -

      Your family is crazy!  I will go with you to travel!  If I asked my family to go...they would not turn that down.

      Ok, I'm from the US...so I had to look up what gammon was?  I think it resembles my "ham".  And your prawns...I call "shrimp".  YUK brandy butter on "shrimp"?  LOL. 

      Its awful that you found yourself sleeping...and last Christmas I think I was sleeping too...I let the whole family down in big ways...I won't even go into it...because it depresses me.

      Its so cool that your family seems "strong" and supportive of you...if I were a sober person and you made a mess of my Xmas meal...I would be so disgusted!  But, its ok for ME to mess up...and if anyone gets crabby with me....I shrug it off...

      Thank you for sharing that....and yes, its a good reminder for you!  I had to laugh too when you said 1 glass of wine...OK.

      And the turkey not fitting in the oven? Well that wasn't really your fault....I don't know how you would have known that...even if you were sober.  If I were sober and that happened I would be SO UPSET.  AND...if I were drinking ....there would be NO TURKEY in the oven or anything else for that matter.

      OH...I blew Thanksgiving last year too...I didn't eat..but cooked for everyone...but my b/f's Mom was upset I wasn't EATING...I don't know if she knew I was DRUNK....But, this year...we are all going to a church meal....its FREE...and prepared (no dishes).

    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 vickylou

      Posted

      p.s.  I did forget to add....that you sound like a really GOOD cook.

      And this year...you will get it right!

  • vickylou
    vickylou Misssy2

    Posted

    Where has everyone gone? Don't know whether that's good news or bad!!

    I'm going to assume it's good news that we're all happy and sober, well maybe that's a bit of a tall order.

    i'm happy that I managed to behave and not embarrass my husband at a dinner party at his boss' house. Previous occasions have seen me stumble trying to walk in high heels, and last time make inappropriate remarks and on both occasions have left early.

    The only problem I had was my husband asking me to explain that the reason I wasn't drinking was because I was taking antibiotics for an infection after having a tooth extraction. After the fiasco last week when I took my own drink and my comments to someone questioning me over me not drinking, he thought it far safer to say I was on antibiotics.

    As I had gone three weeks without any alcohol, I was feeling quite good about myself. I'd had my hair washed and blow dried and my nails done yesterday and bought a new dress especially for the occasion. I was now expected just to say I was on antibiotics. He explained he didn't want me kicking off again and saying I was drinking too much. He didn't want his work colleagues knowing I had a drink problem.

    I could see where he was coming from, but at the same time it felt like he was being dismissive over my achievement.  However as he has been so supportive for years about my drinking, I agreed begrudgingly, to go along with it. Does anyone think I was wrong?

    As it turned out, no one even asked why or said anything at all, and although I moaned and grumbled in the taxi on the way, I actually quite enjoyed the evening, especially the compliments about how "stunning' I looked (not my word and I'm not boasting)

    Previously I would have been so anxious and made sure I'd bought a secret bottle of wine to drink whilst getting ready. I could join in the conversations, listen to other people talking and offer sensible comments and not become a bit loud when someone disagreed with me, or had a different take on subjects we were talking about.

    It was also great to wake up not hungover, worrying about anything I'd said or done, and more importantly, my husband saying how proud he was of me and his boss saying to him what good company and intelligent I was and how he enjoyed listening to someone who had an opinion and views on a wide range of topics.

    I am not trying to put myself on a pedestal or boast about myself, but point out the difference my not drinking made not just to me, but also to my husband and other guests.

    Yet again another plus and incentive not to drink. If someone had told me a couple of months ago how I'd enjoyed and coped without the need before, during and after the evening without alcohol I'd never had believed them.

    I could see where

    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 vickylou

      Posted

      You should boast about your achievement and although you felt like your husband didn't give you the recognition you wanted before going to the party....I think you have to realize he was probably very apprehensive about the event and too nervous wondering IF you would drink...and IF you would tell everyone the TRUE reason your not drinking.

      I'm just like you....I boasted to people I worked with about not drinking and they were happy for me.  But, your husband like many people wants others to NOT know that "he" is dealing with any problems...and just has a beautiful wife...who is intellegent.  Hes not an alcoholic..so he can't understand your need to boast about how GREAT it is that you are conquering the problem.

      However, you did say that after the party he did...compliment you and said he was proud of you.

      For me as a drinker I have given myself low self esteem...and feel funny about saying anytime I do something GOOD.  I know when I LOOK GOOD....and there is nothing wrong with boasting about it....you have earned it! 

      I remember the first parties I went to and didn't drink...and how amazing I felt when the parties were OVER...and how proud of myself I was.  AND like you said the next morning without a hangover...is SUCH a relief...and a great feeling as well.

      I don't think it is wrong to tell people you were an alcoholic...people that you are comfortable telling...but I do understand why your husband wouldn't want you tell people he worked with.

      The only problem with the antibiotic statement is everytime you are around these people you will not be able to say you are on an antibiotic.  For the people that your not comfortable with....that ASK (most people don't ask or don't CARE if we drink or not).  But, if you need an excuse...Just say...I don't drink because of medications I am on for some conditions I have.  Simple.

      Its always good to feel good..and always great to get compliments..yes, the things that will KEEP us sober.  Great job!

    • Robin2015
      Robin2015 vickylou

      Posted

      what a fantastic evening you had!! Brilliant comments from the boss all helps and YES you did a stupendous job and must be really proud of yourself. You cooking story at Xmas 2014 is the funniest I have heard in a long time. I just wish you had not been sleeping and could have seen the look on their faces as they walked in to parsnips looking like steel rods and some pork done beyond recognition..I myself stopped 1st Jan 2013 since the day before 31st Dec had been a total disaster (as usual) and too many hidden bottles and sleeping before midnight.keep going!! you can do it and nearly one month for you without drinking. So impressive.
    • vickylou
      vickylou Robin2015

      Posted

      Robin and misssy

      Thanks to you both for your comments.

      came home from dinner party and wrote my post. Next I had a text from my son saying put the telly on. Put it on sat up in bed and OMG  my daughter is in Paris for a hen party, she only left at 5am Friday morning and was due back Tuesday morning.

      rang her mobile and got nothing at all, husband tried and got the same. Went downstairs to watch this horrific attack unfold. We knew two of the girls she was with, their parents were in the same position. I can't describe the feeling of knowing that one of your children was in danger and there was absolutely nothing I could do. I was shaking from head to toe and knew I needed a drink, no way could I just sit there waiting, not knowing what had happened, where was she. I had visions of her alone and frightened. I'd have given anything to swap places with her.

      Poured myself a large brandy, went to drink it but the smell of it made me feel sick. I decided to neck it, then remembered her phoning to see how my CBT had gone and her saying well done mum love you to the moon and back. I didn't drink it. One of my sons came up from London, and the eldest then arrived and we just sat there all night, each with our phones in our hands, watching and waiting. The emergency number was just engaged, don't know how many times we all tried to get through.

      Lost count of the amount of coffees we had and I was virtually chain smoking. 9.30am and still no news, then my sons phone rang and it was my baby girl (she's 26) but will always be my baby. She was in shock, crying and couldn't speak at first.

      the six of them had gone out for dinner, a few streets back from the one targeted. They heard the shots, screaming, shouting, people running in the middle of the road, then all the sirens. The owner was brilliant, he got everyone in the cellar and stayed there till about 5am. Fortunately they all had their passports with them and ran for ages. My faith in human nature has been restored, a van pulled up, asked where they were going and drove them to the airport and hopefully they'll be back tomorrow.

      you read and see scenes of horror, but somehow you think god how sad, but life goes on. When it involves someone you love, a part of you, the absolute helplessness you feel is undescribable. You feel useless and totally out of control. I wanted to shout at the tv do something, throw something, scream, anything to release the anger, terror and tension.

      The van driver wouldn't let them give him any money at all, they were so grateful and tried again. He didn't speak English, but one of the girls spoke fluent French. She translated what he said, he had two daughters round about their ages, an older son and grandchildren and he couldn't, wouldn't be paid for doing something to help them. It was his duty as a father himself. He hoped if ever any of his family were in trouble and away from home that someone would do the same for them. They have his address which he was loathe to give them and my husband and I will go and find him and thank him personally. That's the least we can do.

      I feel totally knackered now, but better for writing this long saga and so glad I didn't give in and drink the brandy,

    • vickylou
      vickylou Robin2015

      Posted

      Think my post has been moderated, probably for security or political reasons as my daughter was in Paris on Friday night. Will try and PM both of you once I've got my head sorted, but she's safe, one of the lucky ones
    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 vickylou

      Posted

      vickylou...so glad your daughter is SAFE.

      What a horror show...and as a Mom you must have been freaking out.

      Good job on not drinking thru that scare.

    • Robin2015
      Robin2015 vickylou

      Posted

      what a brilliant ending to a tragic start Vickylou...I am very happy that she is safe and sound and what a briliant Frenchman for helping them!
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