Dating someone with depression

Posted , 6 users are following.

im currently in a good relationship with a man who has depression. We have been together nearly 4 month now. He was honest about depression from the very start but didn't really go into details. Up to now luckily it hasn't effected us at all. He had said it was improving and has seemed ok so I assumed it was ok. Today he mentioned he needs another sick note to stay on esa money from doctor. This led to me asking if he feels he would be able to work now if he had chance. He said he doesn't know but is trying to get on some course to help him get job if he feels up to it. He said he has days where he can't face doing anything every few days. Now I only see him once or twice a week due to us living far apart but he always seems fine. He said he hasn't had bad day when seeing me yet which could be partly luck and partly because it is something he looks forward to. I asked if he would still be able to meet as planned if he was having bad day when we had planned it. He said no.

Now I have never had depression or known anyone with it but I do know it's an illness that people don't understand if they haven't had it. I do not for one minute understand how someone feeling down would effect them going somewhere. But for the sake of this relationship I'm willing to at least act understanding. My next question indicated pretty much what I guessed was the case. We are planning to have a night away next month just to have time together. It will be in a premier inn near me therefore we will need to pay in advance and go or lose money. So I asked him what would happen if we had paid for room then he felt down on the day he said he would still make effort to come. So he can make effort if he chooses to. I'm thinking it's going to be a matter of both of us being understanding to the other. Like once or twice him not meeting because of being down me not trying to push him to and being understanding and if it does happen more often him making effort to still meet sometimes.

up to now he's only once not met when planned and he kept being sick that day so totally understandable he has met twice when he probably didn't feel like it as much once he wasn't feeling too well and once he had bad headache which he'd warned me puts him in bad mood but he seemed fine both times.

 

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  • Posted

    Hi Marie,

    Depression is more than just feeling down it's understandable to think this if you have not suffered yourself. When someone is going through an episode of depression everything including simple everyday tasks are extremely hard to do. When I am like this I don't want to do anything or see anyone including my boyfriend of two years. The only feelings I have are negative ones and I loose interest in life.

    Therefore going out and pretending everything is fine is impossible!

    What your boyfriend needs during a particularly bad day is your complete support and understanding. If he wants you to be there just be there and sit with him you don't have to say anything just being there will mean the world to him. And if he needs space then give him space, don't take it to heart it's got nothing to do with you.

    I hope this has given you a better understanding. Your boyfriend is very lucky to have someone like you willing to support him smile

  • Posted

    This is the sort of relationship I've wanted for ages so want things to work so I know me at least trying to understand depression will help. Quite a few things are making more sense now being linked with depression. He lost his partner after a long illness in August and it would of been her birthday next month just after Valentine's Day. We are having day together then and he's said he wants time alone on what would of been her birthday and it's probably best not to plan to meet that week. So I'm thinking he's thinking he mite be depressed them days. So planning to talk to him and see if he can say definite day after then to meet. Probably that weekend hopefully then he's had time alone and I will know when I will see him. I've also told him that week I want him to tell me how he is and if he wants to be left alone or to talk because if I don't know I'll worry and message him a lot which we could both do without.
    • Posted

      Best not to put any pressure on him, tell him to let you know when he's up for meeting up rather than having a set date that he needs to feel better by. Tell him he can ring you if he needs to talk. Just send him a message letting him know that you're thinking of him.

      In the mean time focus on you and do something that you enjoy doing. You can even make him a card letting him know that you care and write little jokes and phrases in it to cheer him up a little.

    • Posted

      Death of a loved one is a major thing that can cause or trigger depression. I would let him take some time alone but keep in touch --there is a good chance he will get extremely upset or depressed around Feb 14, as well as her birthday and the day of her death, etc. It would be a good idea to make sure he is ok at these times especially.
  • Posted

    It is hard for you to understand something you don't suffer from so I see why your frustrated. This has always been a problem for me as I suffer with anxiety and depression myself and all my relationships have failed because of it and its broken my heart many times. I don't do relationships anymore because the same thing will happen again so I just keep myself to myself now. It's very sad and lonely for me but I have no other choice as couldn't cope with anymore heartbreak
    • Posted

      Thanks Sarah

      I'm better off on my own I just can't cope with the emotional roller coaster of relationships anymore. Yes it's lonely on your own but I'm going to get out and about more from now on and take up some hobbies then that way I won't be lonely and I will have things to occupy my mind. I will find happyness that way and not by being in a relationship. Relationships are not everything

    • Posted

      Hi Michael, I have been single for almost a year and I am enjoying a lot of stuff I never tried before so you are right when you say they are not everything! In fact I think a lot of people in relationships get too wound up in each other and lose touch with other important people in their lives -- including themselves! But it makes me sad that you say you can't cope anymore sad Maybe someday you will meet an understanding person who won't require you to "cope"
    • Posted

      I'm sorry to hear that you have been single for a year now but at least it's given you some time to do other things and I'm sure that you will find someone when you feel ready too. You seem like a very nice kind person so I'm sure you won't have trouble finding someone
    • Posted

      Looks like the moderators stopped one of your messages. That's so annoying its happened to me a few times as well
    • Posted

      psychology 

      today

      single living

    • Posted

      Haha thanks. Actually I did not like it at all at first but it does have many advantages smile

      I can do whatever I want, when I want and no one (usually) complains lol

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