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Day 1. Cold Turkey. It's taking all my strength not to find yet another pharmacy.

Posted , 3 users are following.

happystallion
happystallion

I tell myself I am in control. Yet the next thought is, which pharmacy was I at last? What did the person serving me look like? Can I go there again or shall I visit the one I was at a week ago and hope they too don't recognise me?

Currently I alternate within a chain of pharmacies who allow me to obtain codeine under a false name, as my ID has been recorded too many times. (I am in Australia, where our drivers license is required to be presented and then recorded in a database).

These pharmacies are currently supporting my codeine addiction. 

I have been addicted to 15/500, 16 a day - 8 morning, 8 afternoon) for the last 12 months. 

This morning I woke up and the first thing I did was google codeine addiction.. and I came across this forum and I couldnt believe the outcries from others who have been in the same situation as myself.

The last time I visited my local pharmacist (who knows my face) I purchased 40 15/500 at one time. He gave me a look of what I perceived as judgement.. but later I realised this was most likely concern. So this morning, instead of driving 30km to find a pharmacy to support my addiction... I saw my local concerned pharmacist.

I opened up. I told him of my addiction. I thanked him for giving me that look as it had created the thoughts in my mind - what on earth am I doing with this toxic stuff? Why do I hide this addiction - why do I constantly try to find trash cans not within my home to dispose of the empty-packeted evidence - why the f am I actually addicted??

My pharmacist (let's call him Steve) was more than understanding. I asked for the name of a non judgemental doctor nearby... and he referred me to my very lovely GP (I have hidden this from her too). I have now made an appointment for the soonest available 3 VERY LONG DAYS AWAY. 

So for the next few days at least, I'm on my own.

I resist the urge (currently) to drive the 30km and figure out from the few empty packets I have left, which pharmacy I was at last and how long ago. 

I know they will sell it to me.

I need them not to.

I need to keep busy.

I snap at my family without this stuff (I shout) yet I cannot take a break from them during the withdrawals and recovery.. and this will be very difficult as the ONLY person who knows about this is Pharmacist Steve... my husband does not know. No one knows.

I don't know what to expect during these next few days, weeks, months as I come off codeine and go back to living a 'normal' life. Although I do look forward to my thoughts not being consumed by where I can get my next codeine fix. 

Any replies are anticipated and appreciated. Like you wouldn't believe. 

 

0 likes, 21 replies

21 Replies

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  • hannah_47557
    hannah_47557 happystallion

    Posted

    And I meant to say.....keep doing your daily report on here hun....I love reading success stories! And yours is massive....lord knows how many people u r helping with your posts! You are certainly inspiring me! x
  • hannah_47557
    hannah_47557 happystallion

    Posted

    And I meant to say.....keep doing your daily report on here hun....I love reading success stories! And yours is massive....lord knows how many people u r inspiring....I know u r an inspiration to me and give me hope! x
    • happystallion
      happystallion hannah_47557

      Posted

      I don't know how many people are reading this... but a few people's threads I read before creating this one, even though the followers and responders to those posts had fallen away / continued doing their own thing the biggest disappointment was that more often than not, OP disappeared too and we never got to hear how they were doing in the end, most likely as they thought no one was around anymore. These were threads from 2-5 years ago. 

      Those who did stick around to update their own posts with their progress and outcomes were the most inspiring. 

      I resurrected a few of those old threads to congratulate them on coming out the other side. 

      Side note- my husband bought codeine today (he injured his foot last night). 

      I saw it sitting there innocently in its packet across the room from me., and I wasn't even tempted. I'm feeling so great without it.. the thought of going back horrified me. And my husband didn't bat an eyelid when I drove him to the pharmacy to buy it, he had no troubles leaving it in the room with me.. my biggest fear was that he would see me as an addict. He didn't. He trusted me and that was huge for me. 

    • hannah_47557
      hannah_47557 happystallion

      Posted

      Brilliant! I'll be keeping everyone up to date on my progress here....I'm so glad I found this forum. I use it like a wee diary of my journey. I can't thank you enough Happy for all the encouragement u have given me on here...it really has kept me going! It's lovely to hear how people are getting on and give encouragement and advice were possible smile oh and yes I started taking high strength magnesium along with lots of other vitimins which are in the 'Thomas Recipe' about a fortnight before I atempted tapering x

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