Day 14. My journey

Afternoon Phil, thanks for the reply.

Yes anxiety is awful, I don't normally suffer this type of anxiety. I have phobias like flying, where i get anxious prior to a flight, but not this anxious feeling from waking. I did some reading last night on this site and I've taken the advise of just rolling with it. I had very little anxiety this morning and I'm trying to make my mornings easier, like preparing my clothes for work, my items for work etc...

I did have some strange side effects yesterday though, lots of muscle twitches, I know I shouldn't google them, but it did state that the medications can lower sodium levels to begin with, so I've bought lots of lucozade sport today to keep my electrolytes up, no muscle twitches yet.

I also suffered a migraine aura, which is something I have had in the past, so I'm not sure if its my usual episode or the medications.

I'm also trying CBT this weekend, hopefully this will help with introducing techniques to stop racing thoughts.

Again I seem to be better in the evenings, so that's where I will try and get most chores done and be productive.

With regards to the gym, I have missed a lot recently, but exercise is my natural medication, I get a natural high from it, so the sooner I return, the better.

p.s after reading other peoples experiences with when they take their medications, I've opted to take mine at 12 noon. I didnt want issues with sleep or anxiety on a morning, As I have a phobia with taking medications as it is. So this time works good for me.

Hello Joanne, nice to hear from you, I think posting does help a lot. Interesting to hear about your experience so far - how's your employer feel about being signed off work with a Doctor fit (sick) note if you're based in the UK? It might be worth looking into in case you may need some time off as the fatigue can build up because of sleep disturbances for a while. I'm getting muscle spasms usually an hour or two after taking the tablets but it wears off, more like little twitches! I had to go into a&e quick as I thought I had a detached retina but it was something called optical (or visual) migraine, which cleared after about an hour, was like looking through those kaleidoscope tubes we had as kids but in monochrome, like zig zag shaped, scared the bloody life out of me! Caused by stress and anxiety, hmmm. A lot of what you've described is very similar to my state, but this anxiety came out of the blue, I usually just get the normal stuff like you said about flying etc. I ended up in hospital with hyponatremia (the salt thing) and they put me on rehydration drip solution, fine after an hour or so! I use those rehydrate powders from the chemist, but put more salt in my awful diet at the moment, omg, I've lost about 2 stone so atmo I'm just forcing anything down as the nausea in the mornings is grim, but like you I'm feeling better in the evening! I really miss the gym now but hopefully it'll get better in time, I feel very worn out all the time. I'm feeling pretty down today, a blip within a blip, so trying to force myself to move around. Well keep on pushing through it, I'm guessing if you're a gym person you'll have that resolve to keep on pushing, but please don't give up ok, I'm not sure it's going to work for me but it's the only way to go on, even though it's really awful. Have you tried the Talk Plus service through the NHS and your gp? I was sceptical as it's initially all online, but I did a phone assessment for about 45 minutes and now waiting for 1 to 1, face to face counseling with a psychiatrist! What dosage are you on? I'm on 20mg but I take one 10mg each in the mornings and evenings to try and minimize the side effects. I'm seeing the doc next week to discuss progress as I've been on these for 8 weeks now. Anyway, have a good evening and hopefully sleep, keep in touch 💊🤞

Hi Phil,

I'm extremely lucky that I run my own company. Not lucky in the fact that the business is the cause of my depression, too much stress over a long period will break even the strongest. I've suffered from extreme stress for the last 12 years and it broke me this year! But yet I perform my absolute best when I'm under pressure?!

I also feel my worst when I am off from work, just lying in bed does me no good at all, so I make myself go to work. The drive to work is horrendous, full of dread, but when driving home those feeling are positive, how feelings and thoughts can change in a matter of hours! From having no hope, feeling worthless, not wanting to be here at 8am to feeling ok at 4pm. That's what keeps me going knowing that yesterday I felt ok around tea time, I'm battling it out every day. From this I have to take strength.

Just had lunch for the first time in 2 weeks, as I had an appetite and now I've eaten I feel so nauseous now. I suppose its a rollercoaster.

With regards to your drop in sodium levels, has that happened since you've been on the medication?

Yes the visual auras I experience are zig zags and colour like a kaleidoscope. Ive had them checked out previously, but I am a migraine sufferer. I'm having my eyes tested this afternoon so I will mention it to them.

I take 20mg daily at noon.

Not tried the therapy, I did go on a list for some sort of CBT via the NHS for it to be cancelled, so I've decided to go private for CBT.

I speak to my Dr week after next to see how I'm getting on.

Hope things improve for you very soon, you're 6 weeks ahead of me!

Hi again Joanne, yes the hyponatremia started quite soon after I started and I should have recognized it as it happened to my mother when she was in dementia care, the symptoms are pretty similar (omg I just thought about it, more health anxiety - so far (in my mind)I've had everything from terminal liver and kidney cancer to skin diseases, and COVID-19 etc etc..amazing, still here)!! I actually did have a colonoscopy and that's when I got the salt deficiency, how nice. There's only so much the body and mind can take, my work over the past years has taken a hell of a toll, but losing my wife and also a great friend 7 years ago put me on the track to breakdown, et voila, here I am! I'm getting sorted for PTSD and depression now, oh what jolly fun. All the best, and let us know how you're getting on when you can, we'd all be interested as it's helping us all, take care driving if you're getting more tired, sorry for preaching!

Oh Joanne I forgot to mention about something the doctor put me in for called Social Prescribing, and I had a good chat with the lady yesterday about it, it's for the more socially isolated and bereaved I guess, but might be worth mentioning to your doctor when you go as it could be a therapeutic change to what sounds like a pretty full on life? I'm probably going to be driving folks around to the hospital and stuff like that, although I suppose I'd better start thinking more about getting back to work, yuk!

Hi Phil, yes my life is pretty full on as I have teenagers, Dogs and elderly parents as well as a business.

Didn't have the greatest nights sleep last night as I had terrible muscle twitches, mainly in my legs. Ive read this morning that plenty of others have experienced this and it soon goes. However I'm at work and i seem to be getting the odd muscle jerk n my side and back. I think I'm going to ring my gp just to double check. I don't want it to be low sodium.

Hope you're doing ok

Hi Joanne, I m pretty sure the spasms are just the tablets side effects, the brain is being slightly rearranged and there's lots of weird things happening as the brain architecture is changing with new neural pathways and transmitters being formed to cope with the increasing amounts of serotonin. They've been quite widely reported to be a side effect. You do sound like you're very busy, it's not easy these days in this modern world! I had a very scary night, woke up at 3am with a massive panic attack which I thought was a heart attack, the ambulance came to check but it was ok after an hour or so, sorry to worry you. I've had a bad reaction to the fluox and the GP told me to stop taking them and see her next week to review the meds and possibly changing to another one or adjust the dosage, I know that's not what you want to hear but you actually seem to be doing ok so far, compared to you I was in a really bad way after 14 days so please don't worry, just keep on going and dig deep ok. Some meds just work differently for other people. Hopefully the doctor will get your bloods checked but I think it's highly unlikely you'd be low in salt, it's quite rare and mostly in the elderly. Don't overdo the fluids as it can wash the sodium out. I tried magnesium supplements for muscle cramps which might help the twitching. Speak again soon, best wishes.

Just to boost you up, before the ambo arrived earlier I realized I'd taken my two 10mg tablets together rather than morning and evening, guess what, I feel better now than I have the past week and a bit! I wonder if that's the problem all along. Shaking, tremors and twitching have all suddenly stopped and anxiety has gone, no chest tightness, how strange. Will be interesting to see how it goes overnight - if ok I'll repeat it tomorrow and see how I get on - will let you know.

Hi Phil,

i hope its okay i've been following this diaglogue. i'm 3 weeks on 40mg (after being on 20mg for 4 weeks before that). I just wanted to say I hope you're okay and I hope you have a better evening tonight. Feel free to reach out if you need anything 😃

Hiya Daisy, nice to hear from you! Oh well that's interesting you got increased from 20 to 40. That was quite a quick rise after 4 weeks, was the reason because it wasn't working or the side effects were so bad? I'm starting to think that's the problem I'm having so will see how it goes overnight, if ok I will take both tablets again together tomorrow and see if that works again, maybe 10mg in the morning and then evening is too little to start and the time between tablets is too long, like I need the 20mg hit in one go. If so, I'll suggest it to the doctor next week. Have you been following my chat with Nataliya.k as well, a lot of what you're going through is the same as her journey and she's doing really well after going from 20 to 40 having been on 20 for about 10 months I think? Thanks for your message, I really appreciate it, and I hope your side effects are manageable!

Sorry Daisy, I meant to ask you how you're feeling now! Any improvement so far, I'm guessing it's for anxiety/depression. Do you take the tablets all at the same time in the morning?

Hi Phil, I'd previously been on 20mg for a long time, recently reduced to 10mg and came off. then a life event catapulted me into such intense anxiety the Dr immediately put me on 20 and when I was still suffering daily panic attacks they put me up to 40. Last week I was doing really well, but this week a few triggers have set me back a few paces. But I can tell I am in a better plave than where I was. I did get some more side effects when I increased the dose, but they were only really intense for a week or so! I take both of mine in the morning 😃