Day 5
Posted , 11 users are following.
This is the longest I've gone without alcohol for about 20 years. It feels like a momentous day for me!!! But hubby just doesn't see what the big deal is, and when I told him this morning I think he'd had no idea I was that regular of a drinker and thinks it's really strange that I think this is a big deal. So, I'm coming here to celebrate!! Okay, that felt good.
Physically I'm still having prickly skin and sleeping SO MUCH that I haven't been very productive. I have managed to get household stuff done that I would normally do with a buzz, but I still have not been able to work in my art studio. I just have such a strong association of being buzzed and happy while creating that I've stood in front of my palette and easel and don't feel it. So I just walk away. Which is bad because I have a commissioned piece that was supposed to be finished by this weekend. Alcohol gave me that energy and push to get lost in the process and now it just feels... like work, not fun.
It was awkward for my husband and I this weekend figuring out what to do. Normally he really likes to go out to a bar together, and ask certain friends that we'd hang out with - that was one way we bonded and socialized after being so busy all week. He just wants to avoid the whole alcohol subject, has no interest in talking about it with me and his solution was to stay in his room and play video games all weekend, which means not interacting with me because I think this whole not-drinking thing makes him a little lost. I don't want to be left out of fun just because I'm not drinking! So I found a state fair for us to get out of the house and go to together. Even though we were two of the oldest people there and he was so resistant, I convinced him to go on some rides and by the end he was laughing and having a good time. Last night we went to a movie, but just us. Afterwards we would normally have headed "out" but we just went home. I think he finds sober me pretty boring and isolating compared to going out drinking, but I hope he realizes I as a person am much more fun to be around when I'm not angry or crazy or hungover from drinking. Plus I've already lost 2 lbs and my skin is starting to clear up, so that should make me more physically attractive soon.
For me, I'm proud of myself. I had started an exercise and diet plan a couple of weeks ago but wasn't seeing much results because I was still drinking. Without all the poisons to process these last few days, I can gradually feel myself getting stronger for the first time, not just recovering from being hungover. I also feel proud that I'm so far keeping a promise to myself.
But I need to work in the studio today, and whenever I start to work, his bottle of scotch in the kitchen starts calling....
3 likes, 30 replies
PaulJTurner1964 ArtGrl
Posted
Don't answer the call of the bottle of Scotch
ArtGrl PaulJTurner1964
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zoony ArtGrl
Posted
The association you feel with being "buzzed" and producing your art was another thing.. Surely if the piece is a commision then it's work? Paid work?..Few of us enjoy working, let alone feel that we have the freedom to get "buzzed", euphimism for drunk I assume, while we're doing it..
Not many spouses prefer their other halves to be high all the time without them and I'm not really surprised that he doesn't know how to react..You speak of being " angry, crazy or hungover " when you drink or have been doing so, and you hope he realizes that you're more fun to be around sober but are you? that seems to YOUR assumption, maybe you're not? Maybe he likes you fine after a drink or three but not after ten, fifteen or twenty?
Gald to hear that your "skin is clearing up" and you've lost 2lbs but the effect of that would surely depend on where you're starting from which you don't mention.
It's only right that you're proud of keeping a promise to yourself and seeing the difference but the promise was between you and yourself, nothing to do with your husband from what I've read.
I realize that this could sound very negative toward you but it's not meant to be that..Something tells that there's a gulf between the two of you that's been there a while and desperately needs bridging..something I personally wasn't good at. I may have learned from that but can't be sure 'cos I've never allowed myself to get in that position again.
If you care about your relationship perhaps seeing a good counsellor would be a positive step..though how you find a "good" one I have no idea..Go alone at first if it's easier, but do talk to somebody qualified to guide you on these complicated issues. You're other 'alf can come into it when you feel it's right. Oh, and either throw his bottle of Scotch in the bin or put it in a bloody cupboard!
ArtGrl zoony
Posted
I'm not too far off being in shape, maybe 15 pounds, and he's always wanted a wife who's in great shape, but I told him that I was with a professional athelete once and another time with a personal trainer and that those people might look pretty but they're pretty focused and boring. Now maybe he'll understand what I was talking about, hahaha. regarding the scotch. I've thrown away all the alcohol in the house a few times in previous attempts and he was so angry that I'd thrown the money down the drain and that he couldn't have a glass of scotch once a month or so when he wanted it. Some of his first words when I told him I'm going to try not drinking were "don't touch my scotch."
The art thing is tough because my studio is a room in our house, so it was very easy to drink "at work", and clients loved the work I produced buzzed.
It's a big adjustment for many areas.
zoony ArtGrl
Posted
Artists, drink and drugs have a centuries-old relationship which is even romantic to another's eye, but this is your life and his. Only fair to give it the best chance of surviving, changing, and growing into something that neither of you presently feel is likely, or even possible. ( At this point I might be tempted to insert, if I didn't dislike 'em so much, an appropriate emoticon but there ain't one.) Z
Robin2015 ArtGrl
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ArtGrl Robin2015
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vickylou ArtGrl
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i replied on your other post, that I found it easier to keep sober for a couple of months before tackling relationship difficulties. It took a long time for my husband and I to adapt to me being a different person and a change in our lifestyle.
like you we had a very busy social life. We would love sitting, chatting and planning over a couple of bottles of wine, then going to our favourite restaurant before heading home. That went when I stopped drinking. So to my husband that's just one example of what my OH had lost through no fault of his own.
make sure you don't want to run before you can walk. When I felt stronger, we had counselling through relate which really helped.
i can now drink socially, I know my limit and that when I'm stressed and anxious I could have an extra bottle or two.
good luck
ArtGrl vickylou
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tim081952 ArtGrl
Posted
Would you consider a drive out into the countyside to do your "work" ???
A new "you" and fresh ideas working from an place where you are not familar.
Maybe your hubby might like to explore there as well?
Keep going please, 5 days and counting.
ArtGrl tim081952
Posted
I wish I could work somewhere other than my studio, which is apparently a trigger area for me. But I"m working on a commission that's made up of about 30 small pieces that can't be exposed to dust once they're painted. So, my studio's all set up with them. Gotta tackle it again today because the piece was due by today and I still have at least 50 hours of work left on it. ugh...
Thanks for the encouragement, it is appreciated
michael1154 ArtGrl
Posted
Keep it going!!! We salute you!!!
ArtGrl michael1154
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Radley13 ArtGrl
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ArtGrl Radley13
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Another tool I learned is "urge surfing", where, when I do get an urge (usually around 3 in the afternoon), instead of trying to ignore it or willpower it away, I face it. I sit still, focus on the urge in all its whispering and convincing and then I'm able to also imagine what it will be like if I do take that drink, initially good but then two or three later and the next day, how I'll feel. Sometimes the urges last 10 minutes, one was over 2 hours which was brutal!!
I do think I"ll be able to get to social drinking 1 or 2 with people at a restaurant or something, but I don't think I"ll ever be able to keep alcohol in the house.
ArtGrl
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Robin2015 ArtGrl
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