Day 5

Posted , 11 users are following.

This is the longest I've gone without alcohol for about 20 years.  It feels like a momentous day for me!!! But hubby just doesn't see what the big deal is, and when I told him this morning I think he'd had no idea I was that regular of a drinker and thinks it's really strange that I think this is a big deal.  So, I'm coming here to celebrate!! smilesmile  Okay, that felt good.

Physically I'm still having prickly skin and sleeping SO MUCH that I haven't been very productive.  I have managed to get household stuff done that I would normally do with a buzz, but I still have not been able to work in my art studio.  I just have such a strong association of being buzzed and happy while creating that I've stood in front of my palette and easel and don't feel it.  So I just walk away.  Which is bad because I have a commissioned piece that was supposed to be finished by this weekend.  Alcohol gave me that energy and push to get lost in the process and now it just feels... like work, not fun.

It was awkward for my husband and I this weekend figuring out what to do.  Normally he really likes to go out to a bar together, and ask certain friends that we'd hang out with - that was one way we bonded and socialized after being so busy all week.  He just wants to avoid the whole alcohol subject, has no interest in talking about it with me and his solution was to stay in his room and play video games all weekend, which means not interacting with me because I think this whole not-drinking thing makes him a little lost. I don't want to be left out of fun just because I'm not drinking!  So I found a state fair for us to get out of the house and go to together.  Even though we were two of the oldest people there and he was so resistant, I convinced him to go on some rides and by the end he was laughing and having a good time.  Last night we went to a movie, but just us.  Afterwards we would normally have headed "out" but we just went home.  I think he finds sober me pretty boring and isolating compared to going out drinking, but I hope he realizes I as a person am much more fun to be around when I'm not angry or crazy or hungover from drinking.  Plus I've already lost 2 lbs and my skin is starting to clear up, so that should make me more physically attractive soon.  

For me, I'm proud of myself.  I had started an exercise and diet plan a couple of weeks ago but wasn't seeing much results because I was still drinking.  Without all the poisons to process these last few days, I can gradually feel myself getting stronger for the first time, not just recovering from being hungover.  I also feel proud that I'm so far keeping a promise to myself.  

But I need to work in the studio today, and whenever I start to work, his bottle of scotch in the kitchen starts calling....

3 likes, 30 replies

30 Replies

  • Posted

    Congratulations, keep going smile Your husband is probably finding it a bit difficult to adapt to the new you, but I'm sure there are plenty of things you will be able to offer him which more than compensate smile

    Don't answer the call of the bottle of Scotch smile

  • Posted

    I can see where you're coming from with this and your feelings appear reasonable enough though a coupla things caught my attention. ( if you'll forgive the presumption.) It IS a big thing that you're doing, and you should, quite rightly, be proud of yourself but it's YOU that's doing it..Okay, you perhaps feel that you're doing it for both you and your husband plus your marriage, but he doesn't seem to get it at all, which is quite a big thing don't you think? Have you done this many times?

    The association you feel with being "buzzed" and producing your art was another thing.. Surely if the piece is a commision then it's work? Paid work?..Few of us enjoy working, let alone feel that we have the freedom to get "buzzed", euphimism for drunk I assume, while we're doing it..

    Not many spouses prefer their other halves to be high all the time without them and I'm not really surprised that he doesn't know how to react..You speak of being " angry, crazy or hungover " when you drink or have been doing so, and you hope he realizes that you're more fun to be around sober but are you? that seems to YOUR assumption, maybe you're not?  Maybe he likes you fine after a drink or three but not after ten, fifteen or twenty?

    Gald to hear that your "skin is clearing up" and you've lost 2lbs but the effect of that would surely depend on where you're starting from which you don't mention.

    It's only right that you're proud of keeping a promise to yourself and seeing the difference but the promise was between you and yourself, nothing to do with your husband from what I've read.

                                                        I realize that this could sound very negative toward you but it's not meant to be that..Something tells that there's a gulf between the two of you that's been there a while and desperately needs bridging..something I personally wasn't good at. I may have learned from that but can't be sure 'cos I've never allowed myself to get in that position again.

      If you care about your relationship perhaps seeing a good counsellor would be a positive step..though how you find a "good" one I have no idea..Go alone at first if it's easier, but do talk to somebody qualified to guide you on these complicated issues. You're other 'alf can come into it when you feel it's right. Oh, and either throw his bottle of Scotch in the bin or put it in a bloody cupboard!

    • Posted

      I appreciate the thoughtful reply, Zoony.  Feels good to talk to people about this! smile  This is a continuation of another thread, so it's hard to rehash everything, but yes, I"m sure he totally enjoys me after 1-3 drinks, and that's been a big part of some of our most enjoyable times!  I'm sad to see those go, but it had progressed to where I couldn't stop at just 1 or 3, it was more like 4-5 every day of the week.  Maybe someday once I dry out I'll be able to control it like that, but I"m so terrified of the place I ended up (described in past post) that for now he's going to have to adjust. 

      I'm not too far off being in shape, maybe 15 pounds, and he's always wanted a wife who's in great shape, but I told him that I was with a professional athelete once and another time with a personal trainer and that those people might look pretty but they're pretty focused and boring.  Now maybe he'll understand what I was talking about, hahaha.  regarding the scotch. I've thrown away all the alcohol in the house a few times in previous attempts and he was so angry that I'd thrown the money down the drain and that he couldn't have a glass of scotch once a month or so when he wanted it. Some of his first words when I told him I'm going to try not drinking were "don't touch my scotch."

      The art thing is tough because my studio is a room in our house, so it was very easy to drink "at work", and clients loved the work I produced buzzed.   

      It's a big adjustment for many areas.

  • Posted

    Yes, I understand the big adjustments..Though I must return to my former point(s)..A marriage is an "honest contract" and as such deserves the frankness and input of both parties to succeed and thrive...If you both seek a liveable solution to the present difficulties then he has to be a part of it rather than a disinterested onlooker and you, for your part, should perhaps understand his difficulties in doing so. Frankly, I feel you won't until you hear and get to grips with them. Please get some professional advice as to how your new-found strength may affect him and an insight into your own realistic expectations of these changes.

       Artists, drink and drugs have a centuries-old relationship which is even romantic to another's eye, but this is your life and his. Only fair to give it the best chance of surviving, changing, and growing into something that neither of you presently feel is likely, or even possible. ( At this point I might be tempted to insert, if I didn't dislike 'em so much, an appropriate emoticon but there ain't one.) Z

  • Posted

    HI ArtGirl. Keep in there and avoid the Scotch like the plague  sad You can do it and we are all supporting you in the early days...tricky to get support from the ones you love since they do not always understand the gravity and just how hard it is to stop. keep going!
    • Posted

      Thank you for the encouragment, Robin.  It really helps a lot! smile  
  • Posted

    From my experience I would concentrate on staying sober. You've done five days which is great for you and well done. On the other hand, to someone who can take or leave alcohol, it's a situation they can't understand or appreciate so consequently it's no big deal.

    i replied on your other post, that I found it easier to keep sober for a couple of months before tackling relationship difficulties. It took a long time for my husband and I to adapt to me being a different person and a change in our lifestyle.

    like you we had a very busy social life. We would love sitting, chatting and planning over a couple of bottles of wine, then going to our favourite restaurant before heading home. That went when I stopped drinking. So to my husband that's just one example of what my OH had lost through no fault of his own.

    make sure you don't want to run before you can walk. When I felt stronger, we had counselling through relate which really helped.

    i can now drink socially, I know my limit and that when I'm stressed and anxious I could have an extra bottle or two.

    good luck

    • Posted

      Your comment about what your husband has lost because of your sobriety through no fault of his own was such a helpful thing to hear!  My poor hubby I'm sure thinks our social life is so boring now!  We went to an art gallery show on Friday which normally would be a blast because we'd be, well.. blasted. But, now that I'm on the straight and narrow (that's what this feels like to me) we only stayed for about an hour and it was pretty tame.  I think I, too, will get up to the social drinking once in awhile thing.  smile
  • Posted

    Hi ArtGrl, your statement "I've stood in front of my palette and easel and don't feel it" makes me wonder if the environment your are use to also has the emotion of your talent and assosiation with drink.

    Would you consider a drive out into the countyside to do your "work" ???

    A new "you" and fresh ideas working from an place where you are not familar.

    Maybe your hubby might like to explore there as well?

    Keep going please, 5 days and counting.

    • Posted

      Thanks Tim smile

      I wish I could work somewhere other than my studio, which is apparently a trigger area for me. But I"m working on a commission that's made up of about 30 small pieces that can't be exposed to dust once they're painted.  So, my studio's all set up with them. Gotta tackle it again today because the piece was due by today and I still have at least 50 hours of work left on it.  ugh...

      Thanks for the encouragement, it is appreciated smile

  • Posted

    Hi, it is like reading about myself except you are 5 days further on than me as I have relapsed on numerous occassions and I do admire your determination which I seem to have misplaced sad  Have you taken any meds during the 5 days or have you just gone cold turkey?  How much were you drinking a day if you dont mind me asking -  Your words and what you have said have given me inspiration just loving how you are so in control and not prepared to weaken at whatever the cost or tribulation - Do keep us posted of your continued progression - I will read with Artfelt interest xx
    • Posted

      Hi Radley, in answer to your questions, no I didn't take any meds, I just went cold turkey.  I was drinking every day for over 20 years, and it had worked up to 5-6 either shots of vodka or glasses of wine per day.  I found that people are motivated in 2 ways, some of us away from negative things and some of us toward positive things. So, it was initially very motivating for me to move away from the things that scared me to death - losing my husband's love and respect, possibly divorcing, losing friends, gaining weight, my liver hurting, just basically wasting so much of my life away.  But, that only motivated me for about 2-3 days.  The reason I was able to stay off for so many days is the positive things I really want in my life that I can't do with so much alcohol.  I have a version of myself where I'm physically fit, vibrant, productive, loved as a queen by my husband and successful.  And those things have started to happen because of quitting!  I'm on a diet and exercise plan that I follow every day (well, pretty much) and I've seen my body drop weight and add muscle and I feel so much more confident and relaxed.  And my husband has even literally started calling me his queen even though I never told him my vision.  That's not to say it has all gone perfectly.  I have slipped up and went back to my old habits twice of buying vodka, hiding it in my art studio and having a couple of shots before making dinner or going out.  And this weekend I bought one of those double bottles of wine thinking I'd just have a glass or two a day and it would last a week.  Hahaha, yeah, it lasted two days.  One day of 2 glasses and the next day the rest, so over a full bottle of wine.  But because I drank that much last night I couldn't get up to do my workout this morning because I had insomnia and also I was hung over, my stomach is bloated and I honestly don't remember what my husband or I talked about last night, which means I wasn't very present or plugged in.  So, these are all the types of things I don't want in my life.  I want to get back to those mornings of waking up feeling rested and energetic, belly bloating melting away and my husband constantly commenting how beautiful I look. Vanity can be a powerful motivator, lol.

      Another tool I learned is "urge surfing", where, when I do get an urge (usually around 3 in the afternoon), instead of trying to ignore it or willpower it away, I face it.  I sit still, focus on the urge in all its whispering and convincing and then I'm able to also imagine what it will be like if I do take that drink, initially good but then two or three later and the next day, how I'll feel.  Sometimes the urges last 10 minutes, one was over 2 hours which was brutal!!

      I do think I"ll be able to get to social drinking 1 or 2 with people at a restaurant or something, but I don't think I"ll ever be able to keep alcohol in the house. 

    • Posted

      Another huge challenge for me with this whole non-drinking thing is boredom!!! Life is so boring when you're living and eating healthy, hahaha.  So, not drinking sometimes feels like having to be perfect, which bothers me and makes me resent it.  Who wants to live a life they're not enjoying?  Oh, how I wish alcohol was just the ups and not the downs :P
    • Posted

      How hectic ArtGirl! Keep trying to keep it under control and do NOT have any hidden alchohol in the house since that is the wrong way of dealing with are dong well and keep analyzing the benefits of not drinking and I salute you and wish you all the best...I stopped nearly 3 yrs and regained respect from everybody. 

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