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Days are full of nothing

Posted , 8 users are following.

fee25
fee25

I literally feel like all I do every day is sit here and wait for the day to be over. 

If I'm lucky enough to get some sleep then I wake up so disappointed and sad that I have awoken to face another dull day full of horrible memories and depression, alone again. 

And waiting for appointments, phonecalls, it's just all waiting. I am so sick of waiting! 

It's not as simple as, "pick up a hobby!" when you're mind cannot keep focus for any amount of time past about 3 minutes.

Happy Saturday.

2 likes, 47 replies

47 Replies

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  • michael98615
    michael98615 fee25

    Posted

    with regards to weekends, u knws u got no  appointments, an u wont be gettin any phone calls, got a friend u can visit or invite to  call over,
    • fee25
      fee25 michael98615

      Posted

      I'm not expecting any appointments or phonecalls today or tomorrow, I am speaking generally - over a period of 12 months
    • michael98615
      michael98615 fee25

      Posted

      i feel the GP surgery's are like way understaffed and under recourced, got no choice to be patient, do u have other commitments, such as work or family that can hold u up for attending ur ap ointments ?
    • fee25
      fee25 michael98615

      Posted

      My GP surgery is great, I can see my Dr when I need to, she's understanding and gives all her patients all that she can. I know not all surgeries are like that, I'm very lucky to have mine. But, GPs can't fix the problems, they can be there as a port of call and they recognise the issues and refer you on. It's those referrals that take so much time, one meeting a month on for another months wait etc. 

      I don't have any issues with my national heath service.

      In terms of the personal side I am currently just out of Uni and looking for work which, also seems to take it's time. I don't really like seeing friends due to my anxiety and my depression renders it difficult to be around people for any extended periods of time. My family are far away but, we are not particularly close anyway.

    • michael98615
      michael98615 fee25

      Posted

      thats coool u got a doctor you can relate too smile im awaiting more appoints refered from psychiatrist to somewhere, got a Dr.s appointment early september, i guess i may have a diagnosis, or be adviced how to further steps forward,

      one thing i knws, is that i would hate to be young, an be living in this system, trying to work it out, i guess my age is a valuable assett to me,

    • aliki2008
      aliki2008 fee25

      Posted

      Fee25. If I'm not mistaken, you may be suffering from depression. I've had clinical depression for 15 years and it is a brutal, insidious illness. I understand your reluctance to see your GP, because what can she/he do for it? Anti-depressants take up to 6 or more weeks to kick in, if they are the right one. THE BIBLE on depression is a book called the Noonday Demon by Andrew Solomon.  It's a very honest look at the illness and I've found that giving it to the few people around me and asking that they only read the 1st two chapters really helps them to understand. The best thing about what you are feeling is that it ends. Try, if you can, and visualise that, and then one tends to look forward to it. Lord knows, you aren't looking forward to much at the moment and I DO understand. Just keep reminding yourself that this is not permanent, (if it is, indeed depression), and the sun will shine once more. 

      I too am out of work and that is disheartening.  You will, of course, ultimately get a job, (as will I, I hope), and you will probably form some nice bonds with colleagues etc.

      You may also be experiencing what my doctor describes about the "double whammy"- you feel so crook AND you feel guilty about it, so you put on this "act". It. is. exhausting. I do it too, but you must find someone you can talk to.  All the anti depressants and talking therapy in the world is wonderful, (truly is, with the right doc), but human contact is imperative.

      Please speak up. Please talk to your doctor. And please, keep marching towards that end date when you will feel excited about things again.

      All the best.

    • fee25
      fee25 aliki2008

      Posted

      Thank you for your reply Aliki - I have been to speak to my GP, I went about 2 months ago and have seen her fairly regularly since. I'm now waiting to hear back about counselling, I met with them about a week ago where they diagnosed me with 'severe depression' and in four weeks time I should hopefully be getting some help. 

      I'm sorry to hear of your long term suffering with clinical depression, I can definitely relate to a lot of what you have said and I will definitely take a look at that book! 

      I agree that human contact is important but, I know that it'll take so much time and a lot of time for me to be able to be around people properly again. I was an incredibly happy, optimistic and sociable person my entire life and it was only about a year ago when I experienced a traumatic experience that completely changed that. I am now absolutely nothing like the person that I was, I can safely say that person is long gone. 

      But, I will attend my therapy session when it comes and keep going to see if it is possible to get a hint of the old me back. We shall see! 

      Thank you again for your reply. 

       

    • fee25
      fee25

      Posted

      *so much work and a lot of time 

      My brain is not working today! 

  • yvonne81394
    yvonne81394 fee25

    Posted

    I know it's hard to to have a hobby when you feel no interest or joy in anything.  I would suggest that perhaps you volunteer at one of your nearby soup kitchens, women's or animal shelters.  Doing for others and giving back gives the greatest amount of self fulfillment and purpose and can literally lift the spirits.  Just pick your favorite cause.  Start with one day a week and if you look forward to going each time, do two.  You have to start with small steps sometimes.  Even getting a dog and taking it to the dog park could give you an opportunity to get out and meet new people.  You don't have to have any particular talents to do those.  Lack of sunshine and light can cause vitamin deficiencies and cause depression or make it worse and it can turn in to a vicious circle and downward spiral.  Having no incentive for life any more can be a difficult thing but you have to start somewhere.  Good luck!   
  • yvonne81394
    yvonne81394 fee25

    Posted

    I'll try this again.  My first posting went in to moderation for some reason but I'll try to repeat what I said.  My suggestion to you was volunteering, either at a local soup kitchen, women's or animal shelter.  Giving back always gives one a sense of purpose.  Or just getting a dog and taking it to the dog park daily or for a walk meeting new people can be fulfilling.  Small steps are always the best.  Good luck to you! 
    • michael98615
      michael98615 yvonne81394

      Posted

      i fell for an old lady making me feel sorry for her due to her age, gave her loadsa free work( thinking it wud help ) only to feel like she kicked me in the teeth, wen i requested payments again, i'm thinking of a dog, as i have no commitments that wud hinder me having one, but like all of us, if were gonna decide to adopt a pet, needs carefull planning, 
    • yvonne81394
      yvonne81394 michael98615

      Posted

      I'm sorry but I was making the suggestion to fee25.  Sounds like what you did for the "old lady" was rotten if she was under the impression from the beginning that you were doing the work for free and out of the  kindness of your heart and then tried to charge her for it afterwards?  Who does that?  What a creep thing to do!   Please don't get a dog.  Waaay too much responsibility for someone immature like you! 
    • michael98615
      michael98615 yvonne81394

      Posted

      i started working for a fee, kindness of my heart, i dropped requesting payment, cos i didnt need it, an found it helped me mentally, she has a vast large of land, it was handy when i was living opposite her house, but now im ten miles away, its thrown sum spanners in the works lol,

      what makes u think i'm immature ?

    • yvonne81394
      yvonne81394 michael98615

      Posted

      You are immature because of the way you abbreviate words like "cos" for cause, "wud" for would, etc.  It seems childish to me like a teenager texting friends.  No need to abbreviate here.  The viewing screen is nice and wide and we're all adults....I think! 
    • fee25
      fee25 yvonne81394

      Posted

      Hey Yvonne, I've just got my degree and moved to a new city so I'm job hunting - when something comes up that should help, it's waiting till then. I did have a dog back home, we had to put him down two weeks ago which absolutely killed me, he was genuinely the most beautiful, happy dog. 

      Before my depression I was so active and I constantly volunteered and worked, alongside my studies. I do want to be active again it's just finding the drive and motivation again. 

       

    • yvonne81394
      yvonne81394 fee25

      Posted

      Good for you!  Sounds like you have more drive than you think you do.  Good luck and I'm sure you'll do well! 
    • fee25
      fee25 yvonne81394

      Posted

      Thank you for your kind words Yvonne smile 

      That's the thing, I used to love who I was and what I was doing! I just need to try and find that person again! 

    • michael98615
      michael98615 yvonne81394

      Posted

      i dont think anyone ever has become an adult, i think generation after generation has been winging it, growing up is a trap
    • yvonne81394
      yvonne81394 michael98615

      Posted

      I think you're right about the generation thing.  I was married and a mother at 21, bought my first house at 24, built a new one at 28 and worked hard for aliving with no college education.  Different generation I guess and all with severe anxiety disorder.  It's called pulling yourself up by your boot straps, getting the lead out and taking care of business instead of laying around whining about how bad you have it.  That's enough to make anyone want to end it.  I just lost my only son last November to a ridiculous accident and I've got to carry on like it or not.  Life deals you a bad hand but it's the cards you have to play sometimes and that's what I call being an adult.  Otherwise, you sit back and whine like a child who doesn't get his way.  Only you can decide which one you are. 
    • michael98615
      michael98615 yvonne81394

      Posted

      very good points u made their, i think to becoming a parent growing up is essential, not that parents do, an i'm sure thewir childs fare badly, fortunatly i not got dependants, and when i get wiv a new gf, i explain fully i do not want children, they usually dont stick around for long,

      so sorry to hear about ur son, and ur right you have to carry on, when my dad died, i never thought i wud live this long, and if i knew i may have drastically done something to prevent me continueing, but now though, i am getting help. so i dont knw how to feel bout this,

      i wud'nt say i'm a child not gettin my way, i basically cant be bothered, an wud happily giv my life back to God, an tell him, i dont want it, its all the evils everyone else in the world endures, i dont wanna knw bout it, dont wanna be here sad

      but hey, gota find sumfin possitive an all,

    • fee25
      fee25 yvonne81394

      Posted

      I disagree with the generation comment. I'm in my early twenties and everybody I know works so hard and contributes very well to societs, studying to be nurses, doctors, physios, accountants etc. I don't personally know any lazy people and those who I do know are in fact not in my generation. 

      I would say that type of mindset is a societal and 'human' issue, rather than a generational one. 

    • fee25
      fee25

      Posted

      whoops, *society
    • patricia44773
      patricia44773 fee25

      Posted

      Well said Fee, I totally agree....even though I am probably a generation above you, I so agree.  My two daughters are your generation and they worked hard to become a Policewoman and a GP, I couldn't be prouder.  Sorry, I probably shouldn't have joined into this debate, but I just felt I should support you. 

      Take care love

      Pat

    • fee25
      fee25 patricia44773

      Posted

      No, it's good to hear your opinion! Join in whenever smile 

      Wow! Two absolutely incredible careers, you must be so incredibly proud!! I imagine they both worked very hard indeed. There are of course lazy people in every generation, but there are a lot of very hardworking people too and I believe they outweigh the folk who sit about doing nothing. 

      x

    • patricia44773
      patricia44773 fee25

      Posted

      Yes, I agree.  My girls did work hard....but they were fortunate not to be stricken by the terrible affliction of depression or mental illness.  They were lucky. 

      The world today is a difficult place for anyone to live and I think it is harder for the youngsters who don't have the same experience to help them cope.  I was a mess when I was in my teens, I attempted suicide, was hospitalised and generally must have been a pain in the neck, especially to my parents who didn't understand why I was like I was. 

      I am older now, but I am predisposed to depression still.  I cope with it differently now, but it never really goes away.

      I think you are coping well, Fee.  You are a valuable contributor to this forum and I hope you find it helps you...as it does me.

      Take care, you are a special, lovely person.

      Pat xxxx

    • fee25
      fee25 patricia44773

      Posted

      Very lucky, I'm glad they have been lucky enough to avoid it so far! 

      Wow, it sounds like you have been through an awful lot - but, you have managed to pull through, stay strong and raise two absolutely amazing daughters! Well done!! It is always nice to hear and see people who have lived through it and have the good in their lives. 

      Depression always simmers away in life, I'm glad you have built some coping mechanisms to deal with it. 

      Aw thank you, that's really lovely for you to say. This forum is a big help to me as I don't have anybody there in my life to physically speak to at 10pm when I'm feeling low! It's a good place to vent and find support, or even to try and cheer up others. 

      Thanks again Pat smile 

      xxxxxx

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