deep depression and nobody to talk to

Hello, I am sorry about your sister and situation. Everyone does have their own problems. However, some people are able to deal with It, and others are not. I'm not much use at counselling. However, I am one of those people that struggle to deal with my problems. I think that it's purely down to my genetics, and lack of happy chemicals in my brain. You don't mention any details about any happy pills you are taking. I would recommend you speak to your doctor. If you can sort your meds, it will change your perception about yourself and your situation. I would say that's your first priority.

Try writing down all the problems

Then start make relations

It will give you a whole idea about your problems

And make it easier to solve

Hi Rosa. I am sorry you are feeling so alone. One of the things about the beast of depression is that it makes us feel that no one cares and that people think badly of us. This is usually not true. I agree that a visit to your GP would be a first step to discuss medication as you say you have long-term depression. If you are already on medication this may need adjusting or changing. I find the Blurt it out online support site really helpful as they send emails reminding me that I am not worthless and unloveable but that depression distorts our view of ourselves and the world around us. Think about who has been kind to you and reach out to them and be honest about how you are feeling. Take care and remember that depression is an illness you didn't choose to have.

Hi

I am so very sorry you have lost your sister. Some people don't seem to fully grasp the impact of losing someone so close until it happens to them, that too is understandable, though its what happens at times.

The sadness of losing a loved one is insurmountable and the effects of this vary from person to person. If possible, seek some bereavement counselling, they dont judge and will listen. I would also link this in with some talking therapy especially having thoughts that others are judging you, though we all have feelings that others judge us at some point, try not to beat yourself up too much about that. Passive aggressive behaviours and judgemental approaches from others only serve to deepen your sadness, take no part in that behaviour, there is no room in this world that nonsense, people like to judge others and will use various self defence mechanisims to excuse and justify their behaviours; some say being judgemental is part of the human condition however, that is no excuse and we would all be in a more peaceful place if it didnt exist. So take yourself away from the judgementals of this world, life is hard enough. Please, be easy on you, you're at a vulnerable point in your life, try if possible, in surrounding yourself with others who will be sincere toward you. My thoughts are with you.

Hi Rosahome. So very sorry about the loss of your sister. I have always been close to my siblings I lost one brother in 2004 and another in 2012. I have grieved and grieved them and I missed them terribly. I loved/love them and I understand the deep loss that you feel. I promise. I take antidepressants and have had counseling and have a couple of friends that I confide in. It all helps. I will always miss them as they are a part of me but they loved me and I must live for them and share all that I can with others. That's our way. We will support you here in any way that we can. Please write here as much as you like. Diane

Rosahome I am so sorry for your loss i cannot even begin to fathom the loss of a sibling. My mother lost her brother to suicide when i was five, he had been diagnosed with terminal throat cancer. she used to visit him every morning to make sure he was eating properly, that he got up and washed. one day she had to go to work early, so she asked his ex wife to go instead, reluctantly. she agreed, but never actually went. that afternoon my uncle got into his truck, drove out of town and straight into a tree. he died instantly. I was only five at the time, but i still feel the loss, and with the stories my mother and grandmother tell me about him, he and i are very alike. i feel like he would have been the uncle i was closest with, especially not growing up with much of a father figure. 

so from my family's perspective, the loss of someone so close can be devastating, but what is important is keeping close those who we still have. my mother was very close to her brother, and her and her mother talk often about him. the guy she is with now was actually his best friend, they served in the marines together back in the day. he was just diagnosed with lung cancer, so i can only imagine what she is going through now. 

what im trying to say is that you can get through this, maybe the pain wont go away but you will grow accustomed to it. it is also important to remember the good times you had with your sister. know that she would not want you to tear yourself apart over her death, she would want you to be happy and to remember her as she was. i would think she would hate to be the cause of your pain? i think a bereavement counsellor would definitely help you, being able to talk through things, getting them off your chest, out of your head, releases some of the pressure that comes with depression. try and write down at least one happy thought a day, whether or not it happened that day. anything you can think of, to your toast coming out just right, or a bird landing on your windowsill. small things. try and exercise, it releases endorphins which help promote serotonin release, the happy hormone. do some meditation. whatever you can manage, even if its just opening the curtains for the first time in three weeks. making your bed. 

please dont let this consume you, and please try to explain to your partner that you are struggling and you would appreciate their support, even if they dont understand, because that is what marriage is about. 

i really hope you feel better soon <3 

Rosahome - see your doc, talk about meds for now, arrange counselling. You seem to have unresolved issues re: the death of your sister - condolences for your loss. Perhaps you have not properly grieved. Something to ask yourself - would your sister want you to suffer over this? The answer is no. Get the help - it's out there waiting for you. You have a life to live, you will see your sister again when the job is done.