Depressed after major life change

Have u seen a doctor that's the first move. There is a depression as a illness and depressed caused by our life, u need to make changes to make yourself happy. Also the depression could be making u hate everything rather then the other way round. Iv a lovely happy perfect family life but depression and anxiety hit me hard out of no where ! 

It seems you're secretly p*ssed off actually. You didn't get much option of house moving did you? Or how big a house you needed etc. And if you feel like this all the time you will not want to pick up a camera as it's something you enjoy and you don't want to taint it. I'd say you need to think about what you actually want and whats achievable, your unhappiness sounds very environmental based. Maybe stop putting money into the house and book a holiday for you and the missus? See if you feel better away from that area in general. If you are still unhappy elsewhere then you know it's not just the move. Then at least you'll know whether or not what avenue to take?

Oh Daniel I am so sorry.  As you are posting on the depression site, I presume you think you have got clinical depression.  Have yoiu been diagnosed by a doctor, and given advice.

I know major changes like yours can cause depression.  You are certainly struggling.  I have had depression for many, many years.  I battle it daily.  Unlike you I have no money, live on state pension and benefits.  I am a good person who worked until depression made it too difficult to work any longer.  I lost everything to depression, but I picked myself up.

Every day is a struggle for me.  Can I pay my bills, shall I put the heating on? 

I would like to give you advice, but something tells me that you feel "depressed" with your circumstances, rather than suffering the illness depression.  I can see how difficult your life is now, and you are finding it hard to settle. 

My only advice is talk to your wife about how you feel, try and get motivated again, however hard it may seem.  If you feel a doctor can help, then go and see one, and perhaps you feel that anti depressants may help you.  As you say you cannot change your living cuircumstances, than, perhaps, like me, you have to accept them.

I know it is no consolation to tell you there are many people, me among them, who are a lot worse off than you.  I live alone in a tiny shared ownership bungalow.  Yes it is hard to motivate oneself and get up in the morning. 

My advice, I am sorry I don't know.  Do you think you have clinical depression because of changed circumstances?  Do you want to discuss with a doctor or counsellor?  You may find counselling helpful, if you can talk to someone about all this.

Take care, and keep in touch if it would help.

Anne

Daniel, I was in a similar circumstance. Very similar except that I was a single mom. I bought a house I ended up unhappy in, fearful I couldn't keep up with repairs and mortgage payments. I hated going home.

My only advice to you is to MAKE A CHANGE now. Do not wait. Can you sell and move back? Maybe live part time in the city and take up photography again? If you're depressed then as you said, your wife will suffer too. It's not worth it to hold on to that lifestyle.

Hey Daniel, 

Sorry to hear that you are struggling. 

You definitely should go to the Dr. I know it's terrifying and can feel overwhelming but, they are getting paid to listen and help you! 

Is there any work that you can do in a town/city closer to your home? Maybe not in London but somewhere nearer?

Any job may help, just some part time work somewhere could make a difference.

In terms of photography you have a goldmine on your hands! You can challenge yourself now, that is what makes it so enjoyable! I love nature photography but lived in a very ugly city with no green, anywhere - but, I altered my style and found beauty and intrigue in new shooting styles and ended up finding things I wouldn't have anywhere else! 

It's really sweet that you have done so much to make your family happy, be proud of that - you sound like a very loving husband and a brilliant son-in-law! Don't put your own happiness on the back shelf though, find a compromise somewhere, you deserve to be happy and I am sure you will be again. 

 

Daniel, I am glad I found your post. You are not alone. Iam going through a very similar situation. I moved from an area in Virginia (US) into a more eclectic, urban area be closer to family. To make a change in life that i thought would bring me closer to the artistic and musical passions tha I have. Now I identify with your feelings of losing yourself and not knowing who you are. Like you, I had a good job and more inmportantly an environment and daily routine that inspired me. I had perfected the art of working for a regular corporate job, while still having the feelings of freedom and creativity. I worked form home two days a week and started each day with amazing insporation and ambition for the new day. I would work from home for a few hours until noon perched in a light filled room with a nice view. Then, after nooon, I would bike to various locations nearby to sit and work remotely by the water outside in a park, or in a cofee shop in a relly nice historic area of Virginia. I had eight or ten different locations where I cold park myself and still be connected and working, It was my way of staying connected whiel still finding peace, solace and most importantly -- freedom! I somehow convinced myself that I was isolating too much and that moving to this new areas would open up opportunites to realize my creative potential with my creativity both in work and in my personal life. So I packed up everything and bought a new house. I realize now that the ambition and inspiration that gave me this sense of greater potential for myself was largely a result of the environment, rituals and routine that i had etched out for myself in the suburbs. Now I do not have the sweeping views of the water while I work, I do not have the quiet bike rides in the afternoon while the rest of the world is stuck in a home office at work. I loved it so much and had no idea how good I had it. And through many years of this lifestyle, I was able to advance in my career and acheive a level of happiness I had bever experienced. Beliveing that this happiness was new part of me and would go with me anywhere, I decided to take a step forward, or so I thought, and recreate my life somewhee else. But when I got here, I soon found out that  I no longer knew who I was and had left myself behind.  i thought this act of getting out of my comfort zone was what I wanted to grow and move to a new chapter in life. Now I realize that there is no need to make a big change when the little things in life are good. I have learned not to fool myself into thinking that if things are good anf my life works, that I can make it even better and step up to some new level. Like you Daniel, I want to move back more than anything in the world. Also like you, I can never get back to that same house, with the same views and location I had in the past. I fear that even if I were to find my way back in a few years to a differnt house in the same nieghborhood, that it will not be the same and I will never get back to the person I was and life I had in my 10 years there. My only hope now i that through this painful growing experience that I will somehow escape the isolationist tendancies I had and find a myself more connected to people and the joy of life that is supposed to come from sharing expereinced with others. The only thinh I hold onto is the hope that I will someday look back on that life and realize that I perceived it as perfect, but the life I have now and the person I am is so much happier and fulfilled. Right now though, I can't see it. It is almost like I want to hold onto the past and refuse to experience the benefits of growing through the pain and uncomfortableness of this situatuion. The advice I could give you, that I can't way I am taking myself, is not to rebel against the way you may change through this expereince. The wisdom you will gain and the knowledge you have now to stand up be willing to voice what you want as well as what may be right for others. Refusing to embrace the new environment and make it into something good, although it may seem to pale in comarison to what you had, will only prolong the process of getting back to a state of mind that gives you peace. I am so mad at myself for second guessing my instincts and I am also mad at myself for thinking I needed to be more, do more or grow more. We can take smal steps to change our life, right from where we are. We do not always neeed to make geographic or employment changes to jumpstart the process. For me, I belive that the sweepng life change may have been a but of a copout. Rather than take the more challenging and tedious efforts to make changes in a very comfortable life. I forced a change, ultimately thinking that i would then not have to deal directly with the changes I needed to make in myself. I would just move to a new environment and automatically be changed. Now I sit with the same challenges I had with solicalizing and connecting to people, but in a completely infaniliar environment. I still have to make these changes, but I do not have the sense of self and security to step out and do so that I had built for myself in my old location. The important thing is that, as painful as this has been, I now know, more than ever, and unconditionally what I want from life and no longer second guess my instincts. It may take me a few years to acheive the same level of happiness and ocntentment that my old environment and routine afforded my, but once I do, thee is nothing and no one that can get even close to taking it way from me again.

I am Lise, a 38 years old mom of 2 boys 10 and 13.

I was single mom for 10 years, raising my boys in NYC.

I came to the US in 2008,  I moved from France and I thougt long distance moving was not a big deal for me (I rarely missed my country or my familly from France. )

Back in July of this year I moved to LA to be with my boyfriend.

He is wonderful and we have an amazing connection together. The only problem is that I hate LA. I miss NYC so dearly, I can’t get over it. I cry constantly, most of the time I feel like a big grey cloud around me. I walk with my head down, I don’t smile. I hide to cry. I want to be alone I don’t want to make new friends.

I miss my old job, I miss my Ney York friends and I miss the city.

I never ever felt this way before. I am usually so happy, energetic and positive. I became sad, negative and shut down.

I am a competitiv bodybuilder and my only escape is training. I have made some plan to compete again in few months, which keep me a bit sane. Other than that, I feel like I am not myself anymore. Even being with the kids is just too much. I used to do so much activities with them. Now nothing ! on week end, I just stay on the couch and wait for the day to be over.

My boyfriend knows I am unhappy, he is really patient and try to lift me up. But nothing works.

I wonder if I am going to be normal again and happy, I wonder how long it’s going to take. I wonder if I should move back to NYC.

I understand totally what you say. I feel the same way. I need advises too.