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Depressed and angry

Posted , 6 users are following.

kenz43
kenz43

I've suffered from anxiety and depression for years. It's gotten so bad that I've become accustomed to never really being happy. Never ever expecting it. Just going through life day by day. I am 45 years old and have never had children. I've never really wanted children. As I've gotten older I've fulfilled my need to nurture through the love I've had for animals. My cat baby of 15 years died last year and I vowed to never have another pet. The pain I experienced with her loss was unimaginable. Recently my husband got me a puppy. The first time I held her I was in love. I couldn't go anywhere without her following me and wanting to kiss me. The five days I had her I was so happy. I had this puppy that needed me. Wanted to be held like a baby and loved. She was all that I didn't know I needed. The problem was that she was not very fond of my husband. Every time he would walk in the room she would bark at him. This upset him so much that he decided to give her up for adoption. Saying that she was aggressive and that it would for the best. I begged him to give her time. He refused and had the Humane Society take her away. I've been crying ever since, unable to get out of bed. I've missed time from work because I'm so depressed. I've begged my husband to get her back but my tears and pleas have fallen on deaf ears. Am I being unreasonable? I'm so incredibly sad and hurt. I hate my husband for what he did and want nothing to do with him anymore. Can anyone help me sort through my feelings?

2 likes, 22 replies

22 Replies

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  • caliblueyes
    caliblueyes kenz43

    Posted

    Would it make you happy if you knew the puppy was happy right at this moment wherever they are, even if its not by your own care? Its hard to think in those ways sometimes because we want their happiness to come from us.. because making them happy makes us happy. Making the puppy happy IS what made you happy, because you were able to be the one that did it..thats your caring nurturing nature coming through. Your husband by buying the puppy, whether he liked animals or not, was the same attempt at making you happy and nurturing you. His happiness in that moment was to make you happy. "You cannot change a thing by stopping that thing" or else it would no longer exist in the first place.. Don't STOP loving your husband just as you shouldent STOP yourself from loving animals that may come into your life in the future, because then love will no longer exist. I honestly feel like theres a positive road to follow even in the darkest of times or feelings. Show yourself that love can still exist because sometimes it can change but please dont stop loving. One thing also I think might help your heart in this is maybe its possible to check on the status of the puppy, perhaps the image of a caring family with a little boy or girl having adopted them will help bring closure to your pain.

    • kenz43
      kenz43 caliblueyes

      Posted

      I would feel better if I knew she was with a good family. I can't stop thinking of her in this cage with other barking unhappy dogs, cold and afraid. My husband had the Humane Society come pick her up under the premise that she bit him and may have rabies. The whole situation is more than disturbing to me. She nipped him because she was trying to run beneath our bed to hide from him and he grabbed her by her two hind legs. What animal wouldn't bite you?!?! Everything you've said calublueyes is absolutely true. I believe that he was trying to make me happy. However, at some point in those few days we had her I think jealousy crept in. Jealousy of all of my affection and time being directed toward her. It all makes me question who he is at his core.

    • kenz43
      kenz43

      Posted

      That was a typo ... not calublueyes ... Caliblueyes. My apologies.
    • caliblueyes
      caliblueyes kenz43

      Posted

      Dogs and cats can have quite the differences in terms of how they act and their behaviors... maybe he hadent thought through those differences. Cats are usually way more mellow and not as territorial as dogs can sometimes be, maybe the frustration of learning that fact in this situation got the best of him. Though I dont know you or your spouse it makes me think of one of the lessons my mother taught me growing up. Who is considered the better of the two.. the person who has done bad all their life and finally does something good or the person that has done good all their lives but then suddenly does something very bad? We often judge people based on what is happening in the moment and sometimes forget that this person may have been doing good mostly but had a bad moment. Only you can decide ultimately how you feel but I always try to see the whole of the person and try to forgive those few times when they mess up.
    • kenz43
      kenz43 caliblueyes

      Posted

      Touché. You've given me a different way to see this situation. I've been so caught up in my own feelings of despair that I haven't given him a chance to be an imperfect man that makes mistakes. I'm not sure if I'm ready to forgive him yet but with your words of wisdom I may very well be on my way. Thank you caliblueyes. I greatly needed this talk.

    • caliblueyes
      caliblueyes kenz43

      Posted

      Im glad our chat coud help bring a little clarity to how your feeling about things and I wish you the best of luck :0)
  • borderriever
    borderriever kenz43

    Posted

    Kenz

    For goodness sake, it was a Puppy and it was relating to you, given time it would have bonded to your Husband all you needed to do was go out the three of you together and the puppy would have bonded eventually, it was seemingly the dog was set with you and you to it, 

    How old and where did it come from, was it badly treated before it came to you.?

    We have an Irish Colley that was left on the Irish Ferry at five weeks. He was transported over two hundred miles and we chose him from the Dog Trust, He was not to good for twelve months and now He is five years old and loves everyone including the neighbours.

    He is Jet Black with a white cross on his chest and as bright as a button. 

    Get another Dog, both of you go and pick one together

    BOB

    • kenz43
      kenz43 borderriever

      Posted

      Thank you Bob. I felt the same way ... given time she would've come around. She was two months old and came from a neighbor of ours. They had a dog that had a litter of about 7 puppies. My husband actually chose Maya. I honestly think that my husband has a narcissist disorder. There have been quite a few things that he's said and done throughout our 12 year relationship that has brought me to this conclusion. I believe he was jealous of the attention I was giving Maya. Before she started with the barking at him he would threaten to take her away from me anytime I would defend her. It's all a sad situation that has led me into a tailspin of depression. He's promised to get a puppy that is a "better fit" for us but I will not do it again.

    • borderriever
      borderriever kenz43

      Posted

      Kenz

      I always feel a dog is one of the only pets we have that wriggles its way to our heart, sometimes, they only get on with one Partner and not the other and then they seem to be tied to our thoughts and deeds.

      Our Pax is generally looked after by my Wife, she takes him for walks and puts out His food every day. This however fails to mean as much to Pax who will prefer to lie at my feet every evening. He actually touches my foot or leg as much to say Hey I am back. They are all individuals and we can never change their ways.

      Given time you will most probably look for another dog, when the time comes you need to look after the tyke both together and try an make light of preferences your dog may have. They seem to split up their time for their family members.

      Remember a Dog is a pack animal and it will look at its family as Alpher Male and Femail, with little Alphers below. It will want to make you all happy. The dog is there to enjoy and the dog will feel the same for your pack

      BOB

    • amanda35274
      amanda35274 borderriever

      Posted

      Ohhhh the love of a dog is amazing. It just means the world to me im so lucky to have mine xxx
    • amanda35274
      amanda35274

      Posted

      Big woofs from mine to pax ;0)) xx
    • kenz43
      kenz43 borderriever

      Posted

      Thank you Bob, that was beautifully put. I couldn't agree with you more ??

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