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Sorry I found this forum because I need to hear some advice from people who have perhaps gone through the same thing and can understand how I feel.
My husband is an alcoholic. We have been together 5 years and I have tried everything I can to support him and be there for him. I have gone to the AA with him, left him, stayed with him and supported him, stopped his access to money, stayed off work to help him and nothing helped. I was so depressed and didn't know where to turn any more. We had suffered 3 pregnancy losses and each time my husband just got more depressed and drank even more. I blamed myself. I felt like I couldn't make him happy. At times he blamed me for his drinking. His parents blamed me as they believed him and that he had stopped drinking.
I lived 2 years feeling empty. The alcohol destroyed my sole. I did everything for him. Looked after the house, controlled the money, cleaned him up and stayed up most nights to check he didn't knock himself out. He has been to the hospital 3 times in a year and had numerous ambulances out to see him too. I couldn't live like that any longer. I had sunk into depression myself. I couldn't stop him drinking. We had a great life, good jobs and money and a great relationship and he just drank it all away. So 6 months ago I decided to leave. I couldn't cope anymore. My counsellor advised me to leave for my own well being. I was sick. It was the hardest thing I ever did. I felt like I had turned my back on him when he needed me. But I realised I couldn't cure him. He had to do it for himself. Well last week his heart stopped and he passed away. I cant believe chronic alcholism actually killed him. He was only 30 years old. His parents and friends won't talk to me. I fear they blame me. They think it is my fault because I left him. And now I am living with this terrible guilt. If I had stayed he would probably still be alive right now? They obviously blame me. They think it is my fault he drank. They think i should have been able to make him stop. They couldn't make him stop though so why did they expect me too? I really don't know what to think or do right now. I guess that is why I am reaching out on here. I need some advice. I need something right now....
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