Depressed boyfriend doesn't know how he feels.
Posted , 25 users are following.
Long story short (ish):
My boyfriend of a year and a half told me he has suffered from depression for many years. The reason he aditted it to me was because he would be there one minute then the next not speak to me for days without any warning.
That went on for awhile, but recently it got much worse. We were perfectly happy and fine (our relationship has been pretty strong minus the depression) and I lost my temper after we had plans and he just ditches them which happens fairly frequently in our relationship. He says this is the only way he knows how to deal with it and it doesnt have to do with me.
These past 2 months have been different. When i expressed my anger for taking my time for granted, i stopped hearing from him for over a month! Not one word. I tried to reach out to him but he would never reply to any messages. I finally decided to call him to ask how he feels and if we are still together and he could no give a 'yes' or 'no' answer- only 'I dont know'. I asked if it was the depression or just me and he replies 'this is what im trying to figure out'.
I know the common answer would be to walk away..but i truly know he doesnt mean what he says and really does love me and it's the depression talking.
How long could this last for?
Obviously have felt so heartbroken from all of this, but I think I have made myself too available. He always knows he can do that and me just forgive him. Should I just wait for him to message for now on and show him what it would be like me not always being there?
1 like, 36 replies
jocelyn68492 leah44609
Posted
I've searched on google to help me understand if anyone has been pushed away by someone who means a lot to them and came through to this discussion. The guy I'm dating have told me he doesn't want to see me again that came to my shock because we've never really had a major breakout. When we do we normally talk it over and back to normal. Just a few weeks ago, he started to get sick and have been told that he has severe depression. We've booked a trip to Fiji for the New Years and now he told me he can't go. I'm so heartbroken because he booked and organised the most lavish accomodation because I wanted to go there. He said I can still go as he's booked everything. He's been taking Valium most nights and due to this his been sleeping all day. He told me that he didn't plan to be unwell and that he's sorry and for me to move on. I'm worried that he may harm himself as he's tried before. I can never forgive myself if anything bad happens to him. Should I move on or should I wait?
Lucy365 jocelyn68492
Posted
I'm in a situation and I really don't know what to do. I've only been dating this guy for 3 months but everything was going so well! We were constantly making plans and he had told his family about me. He was having a bad day once and we haven't spoken properly since. At first I thought it was because of me and I over reacted and thought his feelings had changed for me. I asked him and he said it wasn't that, he just distances himself. So he still has feelings but says he can't deal with the stress of a relationship right now because he has too much going on at once. He keeps saying "I don't know" to everything i ask. Its been a month, I've been giving him lots of space 5/6 days at a time then a random text but I feel like I'm still waiting for him. He said he doesn't want me to never contact him again and when I asked if he wants me to wait he said Yeah. Its been a month and I don't know what to do. I've told him we don't have to be in a relationship if that's stressful, we can take things at a good slow pace but he's still not very responsive. He's still going out with his friends but not contacting me. I don't know what to do.. Can someone please give me advice?
Lucy365 leah44609
Posted
That sounds really difficult. Can't imagine what effect that is having on you.
I'm in a situation and I really don't know what to do. I've only been dating this guy for 3 months but everything was going so well! We were constantly making plans and he had told his family about me. He was having a bad day once and we haven't spoken properly since. At first I thought it was because of me and I over reacted and thought his feelings had changed for me. I asked him and he said it wasn't that, he just distances himself. So he still has feelings but says he can't deal with the stress of a relationship right now because he has too much going on at once. He keeps saying "I don't know" to everything i ask. Its been a month, I've been giving him lots of space 5/6 days at a time then a random text but I feel like I'm still waiting for him. He said he doesn't want me to never contact him again and when I asked if he wants me to wait he said Yeah. Its been a month and I don't know what to do. I've told him we don't have to be in a relationship if that's stressful, we can take things at a good slow pace but he's still not very responsive. He's still going out with his friends but not contacting me. I don't know what to do.. Can someone please give me advice?
danielle86290 leah44609
Posted
depression is a disease! it destroys the soul and the people you love , it's a self absorbing pity party if you let it , the destorer of happy families.
I'm 4 years into a pity party ( wallowing in selfpity) now my kids hate him , the man they once thought was God 20 years iv been with him best dad ever , now I wouldn't trust him with a dog ,
he chose to let it destroy him
get him help or get out !!
lynn122860 leah44609
Posted
until now, I thought I was alone in this experience.
I have been dating the same guy for 5 years. We got engaged last year. We live about an hour drive apart.
He’s had some bouts of depression before - a few days here and there, but the last 3 weeks have been worse than ever.
He’s been in a legal battle over one of his businesses for 4 years. I’ve helped along the way with some aspects of his case.
It looks like things will not turn well for him. It’s thrown him into a terrible depression.
At first, he would talk to me about the legal battle almost every moment we were together. Then, he pretty much stopped talking while we were together; just reading news on his phone or computer because it helps him “escape”.
He also stopped asking when I would be coming back to his house. I started inviting myself over instead. Thought I might pull him out of his glum.
It didn’t work. It also seemed to make him a bit angry that I was there. He would pick on little things I did. So I stopped going over.
He also stopped texting or calling me when we’re apart. He will answer when I text him most of the time.
He says he can’t help his emotions. Said I remind him of his legal woes (because I helped him with his side of the legal battle). I’ve asked him to separate me from the troubles he’s going through, he said he can’t. Said sometimes he feels better when I’m there, and sometimes seeing me reminds him of his troubles and “triggers” him.
Told me he has no capacity to be supportive to me as a partner right now. Says he doesn’t know how long this will go on.
Leah44609 seems so patient. I try to remind myself that it’s his depression causing this between us, but I must admit I feel hurt and sad.
He finally text 2 days ago and asked if I would come over to eat when his family comes to town soon. I said yes, but I worry that when I see him it will just make me feel sad and trigger his depression.
He will not seek counseling and would reject medication.
I’m lost. I love him. We were planning to start living together next March. How long can deep depression last? It’s really beginning to affect me badly.
I need some suggestions for others how to hold it together through this. I’m not sure I can.
elaine_42543 lynn122860
Posted
Hello Lynn,
I hope you are being appreciated more now by your fiance. Reading all the posts on here so many of us suffer equally from our partners depression as they do.. I'm in virtually the same situation as you in that my fiance won't go to the Dr saying when he first got diagnosed with CPTSD which causes depression he has Treatment which didn't help so won't go back even though that was over 5 years ago... I have been diagnosed with cancer last August too so when he shuts me out it really hurts... Sometimes my family and friends think I'm crazy not dumping him but I love him and when things are good we are so in love it's magic but it's the roller-coaster ride and unpredictability of his depression that is tearing us apart and his way of coping with depression is virtually ignoring me whilst chatting online with other women, he has no interest in meeting them he can just live a lie with them whereas I know the truth and get all the s**t talking how bad he feels they the total strangers get flattered by him and therefore he gets attention back which boosts his esteem but kills mine..... Does anyone know if there is a support group for partners of people with depression as it seems there is a need for one!!!