Depressed partner of 4 years has left me
Posted , 17 users are following.
Hi All,
I am writing as I have been left completely heart broken and confused about what has happened to me and i need some help trying to understand or comprehend why this has happened.
When i met my partner 4 years ago he told me very early on that he had suffered from depression. Having had a mother and a sister both fighting the the disease, i had had some experience of depression and it didn't bother me. For the first year it didn't really affect our relationship and everything was great. As things got more serious and responsibilities started to arrive (moving in together) symptoms began to show. First he really struggled to hold down a job. He would start and very quickly hate it, leaving a few weeks or months later. Each time he would swear that he had just picked the wrong job- but the problems were always with the same thing- meeting new people and feeling paranoid about what people were saying about him.
He also began becoming extremely resistant to socialising. We often argued for weeks leading up to the event only for him to refuse to go on the day. The times I won the arguement and he came he would always turn round half way through the evening and thank me for dragging him out, because he was having such a good time and he had pictured that it would be awful.
A year ago we bought a house- he had aspiration to be a property developer and so we bought a really run down house. He loved it. We then got a dog. I was so nervous as i was scared about what would happen if we might break up, but he was brilliant telling me that we never would break up and that he loved me and that I was the best thing in his life.
We always communicated in the relationship- he would tell me if he had had a bad day and any problems we sat down and discussed. We told each other we loved each other everyday and i would often ask him if he was happy with us, to which he would reply that our relationship was the only good thing in his life and the thing that got him through everything else.
2 weeks before Christmas we had an arguement. I thought it would be like every other arguement we had- it wasnt particularly big but instead he rung me to tell me he didn;t want a relationship anymore. The day before he had said that he loved me and was so happy with us. The same day he quit his job. moved back to his parents and booked a trip to Sweden. He spent christmas and our anniversary in Sweden- posting all his pictures on facebook for me and my family to see of him chatting up girls.
I don't understand he was depressed had social anxiety- but now hes broken up with me he is able to go out speak to girls go travelling, things i encouraged him to do, begged him to do when we were together, but that he refused to do. Nothing changed in the relationship just one day he decided to give up our whole lives. He now says he loves me but that he needs time and he cant guarentee that after that time he will be back.
Is this behaviour his depression? If it is as the person that loves him the most in the world, I should be there for him and forgive him for all of this? Will he come back? Please any help... I don't know what to do
2 likes, 37 replies
stacey_84008 sian63173
Posted
Xx
v16400 sian63173
Posted
i read your story with interest as I am going thro a similar thing. My partner of 3 years has been suffering with depression for a while. I knew he suffered when we got together but having had depression myself it did not concern me.
i became pregnant after only 4 months together. When we found out he broke down. He has already lost contact with one child after he spilt from his ex wife and she moved away, and obviously has issues with this.
We agreed to raise our daughter together and said he was happy he had a chance at a normal family life. We have had our ups and downs including me having an accident, which led to me becoming immobile. I also have other health problems I am in constant pain and I know it has been hard on him. But we have generally been a happy family.
he has been suffering for a while but this week has been so hard. He did not go to work and spent the day in bed, This morning After I asked him if he'd rinsed something before putting in the dishwasher, he went off on a rant saying I was lazy because I have stayed at home to raise our daughter. He admits to being jealous that I don't work and don't have to go out. He has similar anxiety problems regarding work. He then announced that he is not happy and will be leaving tomorrow..
He has been shouting, calling me names and pushing me away all day. He has spent the day drinking and sleeping. I have some support from his family but they do not live close to us. I have been keeping things from my own family as I know he is ill and I don't want people to judge him.
i really don't know what to do. I know it can't go on like this he is like Jekyll and Hyde at the moment and as our daughter who is nearly 2 is starting to notice that daddy isn't right. Do I just let him go in the hope that he sorts himself out and comes back? i love him and just want him to sort himself out and be happy so we can be a family again. But am wondering if this will actually ever happen. I'm scared that he'll just go off and disappear he has said he'd rather be dead than live feeling like this.
im at my wits end. How did things work out for you in the end?
thanks
Pandora12345 sian63173
Posted
I'm going through something very similar... my boyfriend left me back in December then a couple of months later came back to me saying it was the biggest mistake of his life but he thought we both needed the space to realize what we both wanted. We had a few good months no fighting. One day I complained about some things he had been doing recently he asked for a break then broke up with me said I'm too much drama. That he's sorry but he can't do this anymore. He said I think I'm better than him and all this other crap. Idk where he got all these bad ideas from. I know he's depressed. He's gone through so many jobs these past three years. He's on tinder looking for new girls. Idk what to do. I'm concerned. How'd it turn out for you?