Depression
Posted , 8 users are following.
I just join the forum. I'm a 58 old man. I recently separated from my wife after two years of marriage due to mental and physical problems. I got sick after marriage and my health problems caused major depression.
I got to point I could not function like mowing the lawn, doing everyday chores. I had no energy to do anything.
I would lie in bed all day because of fatigue. My wife would get so upset with me. I attending outpatient partial hospitalization. I continued to feel extremely fatigued. They medicated me and eventually released me. They said I was not getting better or worse.
My medication did not help me get well. I continued to have extreme fatigue. Over a period of time my wife got upset with me which I don't blame her. She said I ruined the marriage due to me not getting better. I took the medicine Cymbalta for depression and klonepam for anxiety. Nothing helped. I have had suicidal thoughts when married and now living alone.
I continue to stay in bed and feel extremely fatigued all the time.
My life has never been the same after getting married. I went through a lot of changes new city, and new place to live. I worked a part-time job then got a full-time job working with dementia patients. Unfortunately I hurt my back lifting a client and then became very sick. I was so happy being married until I got sick. I was diagnosed with adrenal fatigue, Hashimotos, and depression. Unfortunately I never got better even today. Now I need to find another psychiatrist in my home town.
I just don't really care anymore. I wish I could die in my sleep. I feel Iike everyone down in family. My Wife, my Mother, and my siblings. I have never felt so tired in all my life.
One thing that scares me to death is I no longer can sleep right. I dream wake up, dream and wake up over and over again always feeling weak and exhausted. Before I got married like everyone else and even after getting married I slept well and felt completely refreshed. Now I just well exhausted. After about 5 dreams I can't sleep anymore and it might be 1am or 5am. I completely exhausted and hopeless. I feel my life is over at 58. I have not been eating. I really just want to die.
I messed up my whole life getting sick and not being able to get well.
I blame myself for everything that went wrong due me getting sick. Everyday it's a physical struggle to even get out of bed. I feel like I have changed forever and can't be the guy I was. I just want to be who I was when first married. My wife feels I'm only depressed but I feel there is something wrong with me physically too. I appreciate being part of this group. You do seem to care and are supportive. I don't want to give up but at same time don't want to keep fighting. I pray for God to kill me. Sorry for the long post.
1 like, 6 replies
patient_mod2 guy67390
Posted
Hi guy67390
We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.
If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.
Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.
If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.
Kindest regards
Patient
diane48321 guy67390
Posted
Hello
I would insist on being admitted to a hospital, so a battery of tests, both physical and psychological, can be performed, There may be many reasons you are experiencing the severe depression, which could be physical in nature. Don't give up! I agree with the idea that you should immediately contact a suicide hotline while you sort the test out. Best to you!
scot081062 guy67390
Posted
first of all you aren't worthless even tho you will feel that way hang in there and keep seeking help and support. use samaritans and people close to you to help you through what is as very dark time in your life. people can quite easily misunderstand people when they are in deep depression and anxiety but believe me there is a shining light at the end of that dark dark tunnel. try to take steps to help you sleep maybe see your doctor who may be able to prescribe tablets to help. speak with samaritans and those close. you are worth your life take care
sarajo guy67390
Posted
Hi
i understand what youre going through when a partner who I loved very much acrimoniously broke up the relationship after me giving one up to be with him. I had exactly the same feelings & had a very bad meltdown not to mention getting the (now ex).arrested & a night in prison for assaulting me
As time went on I went back to live with my mum & dad & with their help & the help of my best mate I learned to rise above it all & got on with my life & got various jobs
11 weeks ago I fell of a horse & for the first time broke a bone - in my pelvis & was bedridden for ages & had suicidal thoughts because the days were very dark .As I got better I learned. to walk again & things are on the up generally speaking & hope my riding instructor keeps to her word & keeps my friday. nights open for me to continue my riding.
All I need now is for employers to be more flexible when employing someone instead of saying someone has. the company background as well as experience in their advertised role & consider me for the role or better still employ me as i have just the advertised role experience.- in other words open their eyes more instead of being blind to the fact that I am just as good for the job & better still take me on. & i ll be ok
May I please suggest you find out about some groups that might help you with your suicidal thoughts
Please try to. keep positive as far & as much as you can as it might help. you become much happier
very best of luck
patient_mod2 sarajo
Posted
Hi sarajo
We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.
If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.
Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.
If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.
Kindest regards
Patient
sarajo patient_mod2
Posted
Hi
It wasnt self harm as such i said it because 5 doctors were telling me my chest was clear & I knew damn well it wasn't because of all the phlegm I was hearing rattling in my chest-I was thinking of just maybe carefully making a slight slit in my throat to drain it out
As I said theres no way I'd do that .What made me cry was that it took a 6th time to finally be given an appointment to go the xray & I cried when I was told I had an infection on my lung .Ive bee given strong antibiotics specialised for chest infections which Ive nearly finished & then Ive got to have a repeat of the xray -Im scared in case the tablets havent worked & they say its gone worse or turned into lung cancer -even though I dont smoke