depression and alcoholism

Hey JoJo, The Dr should have told you that Diazepam would have helped you out with any withdrawals. Getting a medical detox is not really considered the first port of call, they are there to prevent people that are in danger from seziures and fitting whilst comming off the Drink. I've had 4 in my life and the only one I was ready for was the last one. You have to ask yourself what it is you really want with the Alcohol, is it to cut down or to stop? Things must seem like a real mess in your head right now, you need o put yourself on a level playing field to make them easier to tackle. I don't know much about you, there fore I can't really give you much advice, although I would be more than happy to give you some guidance on where to go from here. Try to stop beating yourself up about your situation, it's only adding to your anxiety and enabling your want for the drink. PM me if you  like, are you in the uk?

thanks so much for replying im so lost within myself that i dont know what to do. im not sure how to pm so if you could pm that would be great so i can reply to you x

 

Next to the person's name is an envelope on the right side of screen, press on that to send them a private message. God bless you and give you strength during this very difficult battle

Hi jojo - I know you are in the UK as your post said at 9.30am this morning and that was 3 hours ago.  You are so lost right now and it is the worst feelig in the world.  We, on here, will have been there.  I have been given Diazepam from my doc, I have not taken any yet as have tapered off to one small glass at night.  But the dose was a 28day pack to take 1 four times a day; that gave me 4 days supply, the Doc obviously thought I was coming right off the Diaz, and at this dosage, would stop the shakes and seizures.  I decided to do it  my way and taper.  So far so good BUT I have tried many times over 40 years of heavy drinking; don't feel so alone.  It is sounding like you need definite medical intervention, have you looked into TSM.  This is something I looked into a few weeks ago and if I cannot continue with my one glass (I have no intention of giving that up unless health dictates otherwise) I will go for TSM.  I have read all the posts here about it and the guys are amazing and you will never be alone.  You are at the point of no return.  You don't say how old you are and if you would rather not, feel free to PM me also (or I will you).  Don't give up - we have all been there and know how hopeless you feel.  Keep with us on here and we will together sort each other out.

Hugs until we hear from you again.

G.

You have NOT failed, darling. You have an illness. Failure and success don't really come into it.

We are here for you - please try to stop beating yourself up, hun.

Love Tess xxxx

hi there...jojo...start preparing yourself for a quit date.

It doesn't seem that where you live they are very helpful in prescribing drugs to help curb your cravings for alcohol..but it sounds like you need to try to get these drugs for the Sinclair method.

It sounds like you are not ready to stop completely but that you may benefit from cutting down to the point where you are not getting so "sick" from alcohol .

You are probably at this point very drunk and may be unable to read or respond to posts...or even LOG on.  I know I get like that.

If you still have the diazepam...I would plan a day this week to stop...and start using the pill as prescribed to curb your withdrawals.

The intent of this drug was not to help you stop...it is to help you not have less withdrawal when you do stop.

Get some bottled water, soup...crackers...and set your date.

You have to stop if you want to get better and then you in my opinion should work on getting some Naltraxone to minimize your heavy drinking periods.

I know you are suffering...I have been where you are too many times.

You are NOT alone..you have us.

thanks for all replys, ive pm'd now i know how.ive broken down to all my firends and family today..probably wont hear from most again..ive accepted that my life is sh*t and i am a failure. i just want happiness which i never seem to be able to find. im down and out.

I know from experience...that your depression will lessen a great deal if you can manage to stop drinking or cut down (with the Naltroxone).  

I was very deeply depressed and I also have other mental health issues....I was very desperate and now not using alcohol...I manage to have some very GOOD days.

I think for you, there are several issues going on here, not just alcohol. I don't know what support services are available, because I've never used them. But I do think you need to talk to someone, someone non judgemental, who can perhaps offer you better guidance.

I would probably start with the Samaritans and they can help put you in the right direction.

From their website.

"Talk to us any time you like, in your own way, and off the record – about whatever’s getting to you. You don’t have to be suicidal."

No one will know and you have nothing to lose, there is no shame in asking for help.

Jojo, what did the doc give you diazepam for? You generally don't want to drink on it. It's more for detox. 

I understand that your drinking has caused problems, but set them aside for now as you won't be able to do much about that till you stop drinking and heal up a bit. Just concentrate on you right now and getting better. Let the rest of the world take care of itself. 

Perhaps reinstate your taper and make a plan to stop drinking. Use the diazepam after you've stopped per the instructions that the doctor gave you. In about a week, you'll be feeling better and more able to deal with things in general. Right now, things are too confusing to sort out, just concentrate on your own well-being. Is there someone who can check in on you during the detox? 

hi, i spoke to the samartians for well  over a hour yesterday. I didnt get any advice as such from them. I know there is so many issues going on. Im just not coping with any of it. Im so unhappy and depressed its unreal. Im on meds for this from the docs but i dont feel anyones is listerning to how bad im feeling with it all. Ive lost my kids they are with there dad at the moment and i am now having problems with him. I just dont know where to turn for help.

Your GP is probably not going to worry about your mental state too much. The days of old family GPs, where you saw the same doctor as your parents did and had been treated by the same person as a child, are long gone. That caring community society has long gone and for that reason, I would expect that you would probably be given a small amount of diazepam and sent on your way.

Whilst there are many great people who will give you sympathy and support here, it is not the same as having a one to one dialogue in real life. I hope someone here who has maybe been here before, will be able to suggest someone to contact, but you really need someone to talk to, someone that can offer you some positive solutions, after listening to you and understanding the issues.

i am actually lucky with my docstors its a small family run doctors. Been with them 9 years. My 1st doc was great, he then retired and his daughter took on the practice, so i usually see the same doc, but when i went last week, i seen a locum as my doc was not in. was given a weeks worth of dizepam to help with the shakes and my anxiety and was given mirtazapine for the depression. Obvs these take time to kick in. I was then told to come back in 2 weeks. Havent been offered councelling this time round just yet, but last time i asked for councelling, was told the waiting list is so long that if i wanted immediate help, then i should pay for it. Which i obvs dont have the funds to do this. ive been offered group therapy in the past but i feel i need more one on one. There is so many underlying issues thats gone on in my life from such a young age. Im literally crying out for help. i want all these to be over and i want my life back. I just cant seem to shake off the way i feel. so i then drink to help me forget everything. Which no has become a major problem in my life. I know if all the other issues get sorted so would the alcoholism, but i just cant seem to get people to listern to me. My kids used to give me the strength to keep strong but since they have gone, its just made me even worse. thanks for taking yuor time to reply to me its really does help, especially as i dont have a big support network and the people i do meet etc i end up pushing them away.

doc gave the diazepam to help with my shakes and anxiety. i dont really have a great support network around, my family are 300 miles away and i dont have many friends. My life was my kids and now they are with there dad, im feeling even more lost. i didnt drink whole of last week and i felt like i was getting somewhere, but then i drank and didnt stop for whole weekend. things are very confusing, im fighting battles left right and centre and getting now where with them. im trying to get support from the kids dad but its not going great with him. hes quite literally washed his hands with me. im on mirtazapine for the depression but only been on them less then a week so they havent really started to kick in yet. im taking them before bed and they are literally just knocking me out and spacing me out. going to go back docs and see and push for come councelling

jojo - absolutely one to one is needed here.  You say your family are 300 miles away - who does your family consist of?  Is anyone aware just how bad things have got for you or have you covered some of it up?

There is a way out - you really need to unload and cry and talk about it until you are exhausted.  Then when you have bared all to someone who will not judge and just listen (a professional) you can put a plan into action in steady steps.  Your goal can be to be unrecognisable and sheer willpower and inner strength can do it.  You can draw from it.  You have an end product to work towards - don't let it slip through your fingers - there is no need.

We will keep pushing you on because we have all been there it is an  awful situation (my list goes on and on and on, as does loads on here) but somehow something suddenly clicks and we have HAD ENOUGH. 

Your first port of call is your doctor again, but not the locum.  The daughter of your old doc.  Really really impress that you are not coping (she will probably ask you questions from a questionnaire about how you are feeling with life) don't cover anything up - you will probably cry (I did) but the doc MUST take you seriously.

I hate reading what you post - it is so sad and no-one is helping you out.

Get that doc of yours listening and keep on here as we will not desert you.

Hugs.

G.

Good deal, Jojo. Try to keep things moving there. Maybe try the group counseling to start making some progress and that will help optimize your time with one-on-one when you come up on the list. As you start to get a handle on the issues you're dealing with, there are also online discussion groups for (depression, GAD, etc, etc) that might be helpful too. It would get you talking to others and not bouncing around in your own head, which could help you get a leg up.

I read that Mirtazipine might cause some anxiety and irritability initially and that it takes 3-4 weeks to kick in. It also helps with sleep and that's a good thing, that's going to help you sort things right there.

None of us here are doctors, but talking about your drinking might help you see that you're not alone with that. What's your history with alcohol? How has quitting drinking gone for you in the past? 

 

Yikes....jojo....at least your kids are with their father and not in some foster home...

As long as they are safe..you have time to re-coop yourself.  You said in one of your messages that your kids kept you strong. ...I know you are FRAGILE right now and I want to be careful not to say the wrong thing...

But, my first thought was..No ...your kids weren't keeping you strong because if they were...you wouldn't have been drinking right? I know now that I am older and my kids are grown...that I had hurt them by all my drinking.  I wasn't really present mentally for them.

Yes, I did keep a roof on their heads, fed them, clothed them...but that was about all I did....I worked and then got home and everything I did for them I did for them under the influence.

I wish I had SEEN what I was doing to them and myself back then.

You CAN see it now....and you CAN fix it. 

There is NO TIME for you to give up the fight against alcohol. 

It must be absoluetly horrible to realize that your kids are gone....but they are NOT gone...they are with their biological father.

So, this is the time to focus on jojo...What I really want to know is...

Do you want to stop drinking?  Because I never really wanted to stop drinking when my kids were young...it helped me get thru the days and nights.

If you don't want to stop drinking...this is really going to be an uphill battle for you in getting your children returned.

If you do want to stop it will be hard..but a lot easier.

You can go to counseling, get your medication straight, get proper rest, diet and exercise...and then everything will fall into place.

If deep down in your heart you do not want to stop...than you have to accept that the ramification for that is not having your kids in your life, you will go on a downward spiral of alcoholic oblivion, your depression will get much worse...and you could possibly find your demise.

I WAS OK with finding my demise...I wanted my kids taken away...I wanted everyone to go away and I wanted to only drink.  That didn't happen to me...but within my own household...everyone became distant from me..led their own lives..until one day...I drank myself almost to death...and realized I was sick of it....got help...stayed sober 8 years.

Possibly you need to get to the end of the rope before you are ready to give it up...that does not make you a bad person....it only makes your life very hard.  

I will not judge you if you are not ready to stop.  I only think it is important to know which end of the spectrum you are on.  And most importantly instead of looking at it...like your kids were taken...look at it as your kids are safe for now...even if you and your X are not getting along.