Depression and Menopause/Peri
Posted , 16 users are following.
So it appears that I have fallen into a rabbit hole of which I am struggling to climb out of.
Im almost 53 yrs old, with somewhat regular periods up until 6 months ago, and poof gone.
Now I find myself so dark, no joy, no meaning to anything really other than to focus on getting through each day, praying that I sleep, and trying to talk mysef into hope for recovery.
My docs after seeing my hormones completely bottom out from estrogen dominance to Zero estrogen, progesterone and T.
I briefly tried a few antidepressants which made me feel sooo horribly creepy, I had to stop. I am on a very low dose of bio identical hormones which arent doing anythin.
My question is...which way to turn? I feel like it has to be menopause but i dont hear other women with such mental challenges (depression, anxiety) like i am experiencing. I have never had even much anxiety or dperession to speak of with the exception of a few low moods, but now Boom..ive landed somewhere horrible and scary.
Im hearing that bioidenticals arent any better than standard hrt. Im really struggling. How do people hold down jobs in this state? Im barely able to cope with decision making and work and my two boys, its just basically survival at this stage. I dread each night wondering if i will be able to get enough sleep to get through the next day, and i dread dealing with people socially, when before i could handle anything, people, stress, anything! Now i am disenchanted with life and i have to fake it for my kids sake. This is criminal that women should suffer with this. I just feel like my depression is over the top.
Any support would be so appreciated. Blessings to all you women out there who deal with these things...
elizabeth
4 likes, 54 replies
Azzumi mauiblue
Posted
My moods were by far my worst problem through Peri menopause. The depression was consuming me plus I had anger, irritability, frustration, and terrible dark obsessive thinking. I definitely had moments when I questions if I could go on and considered briefly the alternative. I questioned my sanity in a number of occasions especially when I'd gave to hide in the bathroom and cry so my boyfriend wouldn't see. He put up with a lot and is wonderful but sometimes it did get too much for him. I'm now seven months into bio identical and they've been adjusted three times so far. I think I'm about ninety percent better than I was and still gave a little way to go to be one hundred percent but my doctor assures me its possible. From all the posts i'v read on here the moods
seem to be one if the
trickiest symptoms to fix
completely but you can
make consideral
improvements. Was wondering if you ever had problems with depression before? I had PMS issues over there years so I think Peri exagerates existing issues to the extreme.
mauiblue Azzumi
Posted
Yes I had pms regularly, but just the normal ebb and flow of emotions for me that i managed.
I didnt have depression up until 4 months ago.
It just came over me like a cloak of doom, slowly surely.
My hope is that i can manage it. Maybe not overcome it but manage it.
I have 12 hrs of decent mood, then it hits again, and im struggling. The mind is a powerful thing ive learned, and I also believe that it isnt who you truly are. So if I can step aside from it and observe my thoughts independently, then i can see that its all nonsense.
So i try to just to not BE those thoughts. I think everyone is a little crazy and so its just exaggerted for us women going through such biochemical/hormonal shifs. Its all coming from our brain you know..
I dont have anger as much as i do anxiety and apathy towards life, and when im balanced and normal, im very funny, light hearted, easy going..just the polar opposite.
I appreciate you sharing Azzumi, hope to talk again.
Kauaibue
lelawreck mauiblue
Posted
mauiblue lelawreck
Posted
Lets keep chatting, the people here are so supportive. Its funnny how we see women all over here there and everywhere seemingly with their perfect balanced hormonal lives..but you reallllty never know what is going on behind the mask.
katie96233 mauiblue
Posted
mauiblue katie96233
Posted
When you say sore nose..do you mean possibly a scab in your nose, or irritation from allergy>?
Sore throat meaning difficulty swallowing or just a sore throat in general?xx
xx
katie96233 mauiblue
Posted
My nose is sore.. not a scab..throat constantly sore.. today feel extremely tired and heavy eyes..😩One day I feel okay..( not amazing yet.!!) the next tired and moody and low energy..
mauiblue katie96233
Posted
im in the medical field but by NO means attempting to diagnose or treat.
Its odd though that its happening with the Peri, i think its tied together though.
Xx
juanita93228 mauiblue
Posted
I'm struggling too, now for some reason. Just blah feeling. My Trazodone(once I got back on the correct dosage) is working. But a dear friend and coworker recently lost her son suddenly and now I'm having the dark, obsessive thoughts again. I pray A LOT, and I laugh even when I don't feel like it. I'm going to lunch with some friends this weekend and I'm going to breakfast with my sisters, niece and great nieces in a few weeks. I have taken to wacthing the TV show "Monk" in the evenings because it makes me laugh. It's a struggle but it will pass. I have two sisters(one of them had major depression and had to see a therapist, and she's fine now) that went through it, so I know it does pass. Everyone is different, and you have to find what works for you. I can't take HRT, so for me it's prayer, meditation, the occasional massage, and unfortunately the occasional Valium(I only take them when I just absolutely need them, which is not often).
Finding this forum was a wonderful thing for me. And yes kauaiblue sometimes i have to "fake it till I make it"
mauiblue juanita93228
Posted
I agree with you on humor...it can momentarily snap you out of it. Humor is lovely, and i need to see something funny also.
I cant go out much because its drains me and sets me back mentally. Its hard to explain other than it creates anxiety for me when im with a lot of people, and have to 'pretend' it drains me of my coping mechanismss etc.
I used to be able to work a crowded room..its just bizarrrrre how ive changed. I think that these shifts happen for deeper reasons, so now im on a journey if you will. I have
never tried Trazadone? but i would if it helped. ive tried two AD and they were creeeeepy. Couldnt hang in there to see if it got better because i would have gone out of my skin...
My sister also had depression, and i believe that that was what she died of. i had never really struggled much with it at this debilitating level until recently (5 motnhs now) Bad moods , ofcourse, ups and downs, ofcourse, highs , lows...but this?? Never.
Thank you for your support, hope we all keep hearing from eachother.
i have to see what this Monk show is about...
juanita93228 mauiblue
Posted
Trazodone is one of the older antidepressants. One doctor put me on Zoloft and it made me crazy! Shaking like I had the flu and dark thoughts. Another doctor put me on Celexa, I never took it. For me Trazodone is mild, with few side effects, and it's also used as a sleep aid.
The show Monk was on from like 2003 to 2008 or something. It's about this brilliant detective, but he has like 312 phobias, but still manages to solve crimes. He's a little sad sometimes, but I always laugh when watching!
Take care and hang in there! You're not alone!
juanita93228 mauiblue
Posted
I'm sorry for the loss of your sister.
mauiblue juanita93228
Posted
I would try trazodone though or Celexa, anything to be able to sleep to get through another day.
Its all tied together..when you dont sleep it excacerbates all symptoms.
Thanks for your sentiments for my sister.
Kauaiblue
juanita93228 mauiblue
Posted
You are correct. Sleep(good sleep) is so important. It's when your mind shuts off and your body repairs itself. I'm no doctor and I'm pretty much a heavyweight when it comes to meds(not like my sister, aspirin makes her sleepy, lol!), but Zoloft brought me to my knees! Trazodone is mild as you said. I'm not sure about the Celexa, I never took it, but it's supposed to help with anxiety and depression.
Lesley998 mauiblue
Posted
Hello
I too suffer with this dibilitating, hellish anxiety and depression and mine is cyclical.
For three or four weeks every three months I start to wake in the morning with what are known as the 'morning dreads'....,a state of irrational and heightened anxiety, butterflies/nervous stomach, palpitations, racing heart, feelings of doom and fear. (Caused by cortisol.) This heightened anxiety lifts somewhat throughout the day but I am left feeling in a complete fog with no motivation energy or happiness. Wandering round supermarkets wondering what I came in for, irrational thoughts of death and dying. I just want to lie on my bed cradling my head in my hands. Small problems become mountains and I simply cannot face the day sometimes...I have no idea how I get through. And if there is any real stress - I go to pieces. Then it seems to lift and I am more able to cope and remain relatively symptom free for a few weeks until it all starts again. I have suffered with this for around six years. After a lot of research, I have come to learn that this is known as 'reproductive depression' and is caused by our damned hormones. It usually presents in women who were extremely happy and calm while pregnant, and who also likely suffered with PMS and Post Natal Depression. Hormonal or Reproductive depression does not respond well to the usual anti depressants. Please google Professor Studd of London who has lots of information on his webpage. The usual treatment is of course HRT - high doses of Oestrogel, Uterogestan (Progesterone) and small amounts of testosterone. He does not recommend synthetic hormones. Many women with this condition are misdiagnosed as having Bipolar disorder. However, this reproductive depression has no highs and lows or mania, it tends to be severe anxiety depression and is cyclic. Are there a few days of the month where you almost feel normal? The anxiety is caused by massive amounts of cortisol being continually released into the bloodstream as we no longer have oestrogen to regulate it.
I sympathise as I know this is the most hellish of diseases, I feel wretched too. Be warned your GP may not be particularly sympathetic. You may have to consult privately to get the right diagnosis and treatment. I am waiting for an appointment with the Prof, I live as far north as you can get (without icebergs, lol) but I would travel to the ends of the earth to get threatment.
Please google reproducive depression for lots of articles, and the website menopause matters has lots of helpful information too.
lelawreck Lesley998
Posted
Dear Lesley998, thank you so much for the information which I will for sure read up. This sounds like what is happening to me. The problem is with my normal days I cant seem to get my mind to stop thinking about the bad days and constantly live in a state of "fear" when the next anxiety attach will come on. I am at a point where I am also to scared to leave my "safe zone" and find myself avaoiding places where the panick attacks hit me. And as previously mentions AD did not work for me, made me feel worse. Taking Zanor every day now just to feel normal.