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Depression has gotten a lot worse. Considering ending my life

Posted , 7 users are following.

sam1231
sam1231

Hey guys

my depression has been going on for the past 2 - 3 years or so for a large variety of reasons. I thought I could handle it, but I was wrong. I relied on certain friends to help me out, and they have all left me after I told them about my problems. Non of them have helped me at all.

In my last post, I spoke about how things might be getting better, but I was wrong. Everything that I try to do somehow backfires against me. I lost my job and haven't been able to get a new one since, and I've returned to my really bad drinking habbits to try and ease the stress. I'm 18 years old and don't feel that this is fair as I've always been nice to people and always been walked all over. 

Financially, I'm a mess. Socially, I have no friends left and mentally I'm weak. Since all of this began, the thought of just simply ending my life quickly and easily has been in my head, but I've generally ignored the notion until recently. I just can't deal with this anymore. Everything I try to do, everyone I try and help, turns against me. I'm just fed up.

It's currently 11:15 pm. I'm planning on taking a long and far walk at 12 to think about everything. I'm not sure if I'll return from that walk or not. A large part of me wants to die just to get all of this over with already, but another part of me wants to keep fighting on in the hope that things get better; I just really don't think that they will.

Thanks for reading guys. I hope you all have happy lives and get past your anxiety/depression as no one deseveres to feel depressed. 

2 likes, 21 replies

21 Replies

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  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 sam1231

    Posted

    Please, please Sam, do not do anything to harm your self tonight....

    Please go and see your doctor tomorrow, if he is unavailable. Then. Please go straight to your emergency department stress how low you feel, and make sure that they listen... is there anyone who can go with you? Tonight please phone the Samaritans and speak openly to them. If you feel any worse at all, then please !! Call 111, if you really feel thatno-one is understanding how badly you feel.. then call the police for help...Please post tomorrow, there are many of us on this forum that really care what happens to you ( we have all been there more than once )..

    Let us hear from you in the morning, in our thoughts, sincere and heart.Felt regards to you Sam xxx

  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 sam1231

    Posted

    Sam and Simon, I TRULY hope that you are both ok...... Please, please let us know, please.. sleep tight, in my prayers and thoughts tonight, please take care both ....xx
  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 sam1231

    Posted

    Hi Simon, I am glad to hear you reply, yes I agree, we are all what we are.... and we are all worthwhile to somebody else... take care please, and try. To have a good night's sleep.. I must go to bed now, I have three sons upstairs (who incidentally all have problems ) so I need to keep an eye on them with my husband... both of you are going to be in my thoughts.All night.... take care both.. Please...xx
  • Sarah812
    Sarah812 sam1231

    Posted

    Don't die yet. Depression can be horrible, but it is treatable! I know, I have been working with it for over 20 years. Go to a doctor or a therapist and get there as fast as you can. If you don't like the first one you talk to, then talk to another. This is depressionand it IS TREATABLE

    hugs

    • UK-Ven-medicate
      UK-Ven-medicate Sarah812

      Posted

      Sarah is so right we all feel your pain and some even undertsand the feelings but you need to get to your GP or even A&E soon
  • Sarah812
    Sarah812 sam1231

    Posted

    Sometimes when I am really feeling bad I tell myself that I can kill myself if I want to, but not till next Saturday or for 24 hours or something like that. It allows you to feel relief but makes you wait and think it over a bit longer.
  • goldwingman
    goldwingman sam1231

    Posted

    I have been there after my Wife passed away at 42 Years old and a Son 2 weeks after his 21 st B/Day and i thought how selfish i am what about my other Son an Daughter yes i feel depressed but that dosent give you the right to end it all I Have other Kids who would be %100 lost with out me .Dont talk like this go and talk to a friend or GP Friends who you can trust Life is to short as it is with out going early ring your Life Line for help or go to any hospital and tell them what your planning ,Your Dead a Long Time Love Dont do it there,s to much beauty out there and people who love you i will Talk to you tomorrow Ok Promise me you will NOT DO any thing to tomorrow Ok talk soon
    • Sarah812
      Sarah812 goldwingman

      Posted

      I am so sorry to hear of your losses! That must be unbearable. Wow. All I can do is offer my condolences
    • Sarah812
      Sarah812 goldwingman

      Posted

      P.S. It is not selfish to feel depressed...can you and your other children support each other? But it is NOT selfish! Don't ever think that. It is NORMAL.
    • deirdre._03652
      deirdre._03652 goldwingman

      Posted

      Dear goldwingman,

      I am so truly sorry for your desperately sad loss, you must be a remarkable and much loved father.. RIP.. your loved wife and precious son.. in my prayers, sincere regards and best wishes to you. Deirdre.. x

  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 sam1231

    Posted

    Dear Sam, Please, please, please let us know that you are ok.

    Please I implore you to seek help, everyone has someone who cares forthem more than anyone else in this world, and there must be someone you care so much for that you would never do anything to hurt them...

    Please if you have acted in any way that could harm you, I implore you to ask for help immediately...

    Just think, already you have touched the hearts of people here, who care, we understand how life can seem almost impossible, but things canand do change.... Let us know please, you have truly touched our hearts. Big hugs, sincere wishes, please be ok... Deirdre xxx

  • goldwingman
    goldwingman sam1231

    Posted

    G,Day Sam1231 Dont do any thing silly we Care about you i was Married my First girl friend on the 01/12/1972 and She passed away on the 1 st Augst 1993 i was a mess for many a year we where just getting back on track with my 2 Boys an Daughter and number 2 Son wanted to go out Monday Night Ok as normal ,I Felt very sick at 10Pm went to bed and the Police knocked on my front door at 5Am i felt sick to my boots But we Worked through it so Sam i have never been out with any other Girl in my life so Sam1231 there is light at the end of the tunnel dont give up we care about you so Please dont do anthing sill Ok Promise Me Please .I Do a lot of charity work with my motor bike for old age homes get out and talk to your friends you must have Plenty ,Dont forget we Care about you xxx xxx xxx
  • jptown
    jptown sam1231

    Posted

    No, Sam...ending life helps NOTHING, and too often, things can suddenly change for the better, and its too late if you end it. I have been there. ...in the deepest depths of hopelessness and despair. But first...you need to physically get your body out of the place of depression, which will then help your mind get out. I was also drinking heavily. A psychologist wanted to put me in a hospital away from all stress and people. But I did not want to do that. I had to remove myself from my situation. I moved to a different state...where I had never lived before. Got a very simple job on a horse farm. Just labor. Very therapeutic because I was too burned out to do thinking jobs. I left EVERYTHING behind except a few clothes, my stereo, my horse. Left the house and everything in it to my, well, now my ex.

    Started a new life. Very simple. Lived in a barn loft for a month. Stopped drinking. No more junk food either. Found a better place to live. Then life took a major change and my whole life became worth living again. Also discovered my body was extremely deficient in B complex vitamins. Taking good quality vitamins with high b complex made me feel mentally calmer, more content, happier, less nervous and anxious. It can be very difficult to make any moves or changes in the depths of depression...but you must take the first step. Get newspapers from other places far away ...look in classifieds...find a job that you could do that you might like. Then go. Take only what you have to have...travel light. But go. Let go of the booze. Bcomplex and Protein energy shakes will help your body get off the addiction. Alcoholics have told me so. You are on a journey, so don't cut it off. Just go. You'll see. There is a new life waiting for you.

  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 sam1231

    Posted

    Hi Sam, please, please contact us to let us know how you are today?

    Please, we have been worried about your welfare all night... Please you must contact a doctor today even if you are feeling a little better. Youreally do need to get some help or support now...Please, please, pleasecontact your doctor or the hospital, or anyone you trust straight away....

    Let us know that you are ok, even just a HI... you were and are in my sincere thoughts and prayers.. Deirdre xx

    Simon I hope that you are ok, please, please let us know.... sincere regards to you, please take care, Deirdre xx

    • UK-Ven-medicate
      UK-Ven-medicate deirdre._03652

      Posted

      It really worry for everyone Sam and Simon , Deirdre your so supportive we need more people like you and other I have met on here.

      Guys I know how hard it is Im a 38 year old guy and it can be hard some time to accept help, we're all that bit caveman I guess sometimes and want to deal with it ourselves. Its ok to ask for help

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