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Depression has gotten a lot worse. Considering ending my life

Posted , 7 users are following.

sam1231
sam1231

Hey guys

my depression has been going on for the past 2 - 3 years or so for a large variety of reasons. I thought I could handle it, but I was wrong. I relied on certain friends to help me out, and they have all left me after I told them about my problems. Non of them have helped me at all.

In my last post, I spoke about how things might be getting better, but I was wrong. Everything that I try to do somehow backfires against me. I lost my job and haven't been able to get a new one since, and I've returned to my really bad drinking habbits to try and ease the stress. I'm 18 years old and don't feel that this is fair as I've always been nice to people and always been walked all over. 

Financially, I'm a mess. Socially, I have no friends left and mentally I'm weak. Since all of this began, the thought of just simply ending my life quickly and easily has been in my head, but I've generally ignored the notion until recently. I just can't deal with this anymore. Everything I try to do, everyone I try and help, turns against me. I'm just fed up.

It's currently 11:15 pm. I'm planning on taking a long and far walk at 12 to think about everything. I'm not sure if I'll return from that walk or not. A large part of me wants to die just to get all of this over with already, but another part of me wants to keep fighting on in the hope that things get better; I just really don't think that they will.

Thanks for reading guys. I hope you all have happy lives and get past your anxiety/depression as no one deseveres to feel depressed. 

2 likes, 21 replies

21 Replies

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  • sam1231
    sam1231

    Posted

    Hi guys, I'm sorry I've taken so long to reply. Things got a bit out of control last night as I was on the borderline, I've not felt that bad for quite awhile. I really appreciate all of you taking the time to talk to me about this and share your experiences, and I'm really sorry to hear that some of you have had some problems that bad. Sometimes when you're feeling really down, its easy to forget that you're just human and everyone else out there has their own issues and feelings, so Its nice to know that I'm not alone. Again, I am really gratifide that you all came to help me so thank you all so much, and I'm sorry I've worried you.

    As you can see, I'm still here. 

    I had a lot of time to mull it over again in my head last night and you're all right, ending it isnt the answer, Its just really hard to keep going sometimes when youre desperatly trying to wait for things to get better.

    Thank you all so much again, I really appreciate it =)

    • annie76135
      annie76135 sam1231

      Posted

      Really pleased that you have come back to your discussion to let us know you are ok. There are lots of lovely, kind people on this forum who are there at a time of crisis. Sometimes things always seems worse in the dark of night. Just pleased you are alright. Take care and try to relax tonight xx
    • Sarah812
      Sarah812 sam1231

      Posted

      Sometimes it's just good to say "screw it" and nake a nap or do something fun for yourself. Go on a little trip. Eat a mountain of chocolate. Anything that helps you feel a little better. It's better than suicide.
    • goldwingman
      goldwingman sam1231

      Posted

      G,Day sam1231 Very Glad your Ok there are real people who care about you so Please talk to your Gp or a good friend you can talk to but keep talkin online with us Ok Cheers Sam1231 we do Care about you Ok .
    • jptown
      jptown sam1231

      Posted

      OK Sam... so glad you are feeling better.. BUT before the next downward spiral episode happens, now is the time to take a first step. Just waiting for things to get better is not doing anything to prevent future episodes of suicidal depression. SEEING things on paper helps... write down what the first thing is you are going to do to make a change in your life that you would LIKE. From what you said, finding a job has been very difficult. Can you work in another town in another state or county? If you have family that is dependent on you, can you be away from home for a week at a job and come home weekends if they are unable to move? It's not necessarily a permanent thing, but even a temporary change can open up new doors. If you are single and not tied down, then DEFINITELY MOVE. A new environment can do wonders for a psychological lift...it removes you from the familiar stimuli that can trigger the desire to reach for the booze

      Be sure to associate yourself with new people who do not drink. Believe it or not, we can actually have a lot of fun sober. I discovered that for myself! If you have a physical addiction, then seek professional coaching to help in that part. But you can also take charge of yourself every day too in the choices that you decide to make on your NEW JOURNEY to find your best life.

      I am serious about the vitamin/mineral/protein support for your body and mind. Alcohol destroys B vitamins and B vitamins are critical for your nervous system and brain function. Often called “the happy vitamin” Bcomplex will help you feel mentally happier and physically more energetic. I don't think I am allowed to suggest specific brands here, but be sure to use a top quality brand recommended by a naturopathic health care professional. Don't use the junk store brands. You also desperately need lots of protein (not a lot of red meat though)...the protein shakes can be a better source. And absolutely NO FAST FOOD. That stuff is literally toxic to your body and mind.

      I hope this helps. Set it in your mind that you are starting your New Journey towards your Best Life NOW, and promise yourself to be true to yourself and make no excuses. Accept your mistakes when you stumble and learn from them, get back up, make new choices, and someday, you will find that YOU will be able to help others who are in the same trap find THEIR freedom, and find their best lives too. Helping others is the best reward in life and one of our most important purposes in living on this planet.

  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 sam1231

    Posted

    Hi Sam., I am so very, very , very happy to hear that you are ok... thank goodness, we were all really worried and distressed for you.... I am so glad to hear that you feel much better, but will you please see your GP even if it is just for a chat... remember that all on here care for and want to help each other in any way that we can .....Simon, I hope that you also feel better today and you have had a good day.. Please keep us up todate how you are, often, and all others on here also keep in touch.. I truly wish Everyone on here well, and you will be in my thoughts often... ,take care, sincere best wishes to you all, Sam and Simon a big hug to youboth. Deirdre cxx
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