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Depression so bad making me feel worthless

Posted , 9 users are following.

vicky51471
vicky51471

hi there

Im sorry for this post but thank you if you are reading it.

 I have had depression and anxiety since 14 I’m 40 now.

I don’t sleep we’ll never feel refreshed feel tired all day, don’t do anything really.

I was getting a little better, but it’s beating me again. I try so hard to  do simple things when I don’t do them I feel bad.

ive recently seen a phycatrist Dr last week, who is now changing my meds’ I am also going to be seeing a CPN each week.

 Thing is I’ve nothing left in me. I was married had an abusive husband and was addicted to heroin for 15 years. I am clean off all opiates now just over a year and a half.

I had to flee from him without him knowing and move Back with my mother, she’s 70 now and I really feel for her with me I’m hard work I know.

you see I’ve got nothing to give, I couldn’t have children so no kids that has been hard to come to terms with.

Right now I’m thinking what’s the point? What have I got to offer anyone? How long am I going To feel like this? When’s it going to stop..

 Im on loads of meds wether there working I do not know.

I have been taken advantage of over the years I’ve never put me first. Now it’s time I just don’t know how to start again.

Everything I try to do goes wrong I feel useless and worthless.

Please do not think I’m feeling sorry for myself I’ve tried to “pull myself together” tried to shake my head. As a lot of people I cannot see a way out of this it’s not that easy! If only!

I feel worthless and desperate my life’s on Pause I’ve lost so much how do I start again.

 I’ve always been the one who fixes things but I cannot fix me!

if you’ve read this thank you I know I am not the only one who feels like this it’s just how to cope and what to do when I feel so low and see no point.

 I live with my mother it’s hard for her to see me like this, I also snap and that’s just not on. Emotions everywhere.

every day I cry! I feel lost how do I find me again? Who am I 

 I’m sorry to go on am I the only one who feels they try to get better but gets beaten down again?

vicky

6 likes, 27 replies

27 Replies

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  • brenda69464
    brenda69464 vicky51471

    Posted

    Hi Vicky,

    just thinking about you. 

    How was your day ?

    We have had a rainy.gloomy day. I find it so hard to get up and go on days like this.Oh well hoping for a sunny day soon!

    Take care Stay strong

    • vicky51471
      vicky51471 brenda69464

      Posted

      Hi Brenda🙂

      my day is a quiet one today that’s how I lke it.

      i am enrolling in sewing classes somome is helping me. I’ll probabl stick myself together!! But it something to do

      wether is cloudy in lovely Cornwall today"

      how are you yourself today

      thank you for asking

      everyone has been so kind on here I’m overwhelmed really

      thinking of you and sending you a virtual hug

      take care 

      vicky🌈

    • brenda69464
      brenda69464 vicky51471

      Posted

      Hi,

      I am happy to hear you are going to join a sewing class. I hope you enjoy the classes and meeting some new people!

      I do some sewing too! I have recently started working on a busy/quiet book for my Grandson for Christmas.

      Today was a brighter day with some sunshine, a bit easier to get up and go. I had no choice today; I had an appointment for laser  therapy on a bum knee. It is improving....thank goodness!

      I am a Canadian with some British roots. Mum was born in Bexhill !

      Cheers ! Have a lovely weekend! Smiling

       

  • sue83950
    sue83950 vicky51471

    Posted

    Hi Vicky. Thank you for your post. I suffer from depression and it sounds like you’re experiencing that right now. You’ve been through a lot. You also mentioned that you recently stopped using. I am also a recovering addict. In my recovery regarding me mental health I turn to therapy and medication which are very helpful to me. I attend 12 step meetings at Narcotics Anonymous to help me learn how to live clean.  It has meant the world to me. I’ve been clean for 16 years. The love and support I find there is unparalleled. I wish you the best. Don’t give up. You matter Vicky. 
    • vicky51471
      vicky51471 sue83950

      Posted

      Hi sue🙂

      yes was diagnosed with it at 14 ! Depression and anxiety.

      yes I’m clean now off all opiates since 13th March 2016. I am on a blocker 6mgs.

      as you must know that a battle in itself and well done 16 years is fantastic isn’t it?

      i did a structured recovery program and it was the best thing and I left my husband as he was still using behind my back. He was abusive physical metal verbal. That took all my strength and some  I never knew I had! I still don’t know how I did it really.

       I do know I’ll never pick up again but that’s all I know righ now.

      you are very kind,

      keep going sue

      take care

      Vicky🌈

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