depression with the absent of a loved one

Hello stacey-james, so sorry to hear of your problems, you have a lot going on in your life.

I have had a few very bad bouts of depression in my time but had family support to help me through, it must be so hard for you right now.

I also understand why you don't like the medications.

All I can say to you is that there is help out there and things will get better, it just doesn't seem like it right now.

I honestly don't know anything about prison but I have a very good friend whose son did a terrible thing and is a lifer. I know that she got some help through the prison liason service (probably called something else now).There is bound to be some society that you can contact. You could always ring the prison and ask if there is a family liason officer who could offer you help and advice.

You need to go back to your doctor, maybe see if you feel comfortable taking a friend/relative with you and let him/her know how bad things are for you. There are helplines out there you could google and give a ring or e mail.They may be able to point you in the right direction for help, which you badly need. You can also call The Samaritans, they are wonderful, another friend of mine is a volunteer in our area. They do not judge and can offer a sympathetic ear and maybe some practical advice.You may also have a Citizens Advice Office in your area, they are also very helpful.

You have taken the first step by posting here. I am a mum and a granny whose been round the block a few times. What I do know about life is that we can only get help if we ask for it and help is out there, it's up to you to take the first step. Do not give up but be proactive.

Please let me know how you get on. I hope that someone will reply to your post who is more your age and can give you more direct help.

Bless you, I shall be thinking of you and hope you get some help and feel better soon.

Hi fanny jane thanks for your reply it helps alittle to know there are people out there to give me abit of advice. My partner is only probs going to be doin 4 to 6 months so its not that long. But i just miss him so much and im finding it hard without him. I have family around me to support me and im ok if i keep busy but there is only so much i can do. Im back at the doctors tuesday so i will see what they say but last time i went they said there is nothing more they can do so i feel down more coz you would think out of everyone the doctors would be the ones with more advice and stuff but i suppose i have to just keep going

Hello stacey-james, thanks for your reply, good to hear you are going to the doctors tomorrow,good luck.

To be honest we all end up having to help ourselves these days. At least your partner will be home in a few months.

My son is in the forces, is married and has a three year old and a newborn. His wife misses him terribly but it is always ok when he gets back and we make up for lost time. I hope you are writing letters to your partner, he will really appreciate getting them and help you both get through the next few months.

Nice to hear you have family to help support you, keep strong and good luck for the futur. Remember Think Positive , best wishes to you, Fanny Jane.

Thank you fanny jane it has been nice talking to u and i will try my best to think positve. Thank you for your support it means alot.

dear Stacey James, i have read all your posts. i am glad that you are feeling better gradually. it is good to write a daily diary and read it over the next day, this helps in introspection and helps you to gain strength. the other is to write email and letter to your partner and see him at the prison when possible. do not stay alone and try to involve you in activities, which will keep you busy. i would suggest you that medicines will pose side effects on you and you should try and help your condition rather than take anti-depressants. a long holiday abroad could be a better idea. eat well, sleep well and important take deep and long breathing, followed by breathing through alternate nostril, breathe through one nostril and keep the other closed, in the next step breathe in through one nostril and breathe out through the other nostril. you can feel a change. this exercise takes not more than 10 min, but it makes you feel good and better.

Thankyou dr surnita i will take everything on board what you have suggested and i will most definetly give them ago thank you for your support

Right now, I just wanted to give you a hug. I really feel your pain because my husband's brother is also in prison. Good thing I am here to comfort my husband. I guess you have your family, friends or relatives, too. Please don't let depression take everything from you. You also have your life and you must enjoy it. Go to church, go to the market, buy needed ingredients and bake some cake; adopt a pet dog and spend a morning walk with him day after day or; buy a guitar and entertain yourself. I just hope I can give you some ideas that will lessen the depression that you're feeling right now.

Thankyou im trying my best to keep myself going and the thought of us been together again one day is keeping me going. I just miss him really bad and the night times are the worst :-( but its nice to get replys aswell so i dont feel so alone, so thankyou to everyone thats commented it means so much.

Hi Stacey, just to say I'm thinking of you and am sure loads of other people are too. Hang in there girl, it's now September and the months are passing.

Keep strong and take care of yourself. Fanny Jane.

Actually, missing of our love ones can rarely cause depression or anxiety.

Hi fanny jane im doing ok but my partner isint. I recently found out he has been cutting himself and im scared hes going to do something really stupid and wont be here anymore. I rang the prison a couple of weeks ago and asked them to keep an eye on him as i was worried he mite do something and they obviously havent watched him too good have they if they didnt see him doing this to himself. I felt like i was starting to cope with it all but then something like this happens and i dont know wot to do as i dont want to loose him

Hi Stacey-James, nice to hear from you. Not so nice to hear how sad you still are.

I also see that you sent this post at half three this morning.

You poor girl. I am often up at that time but due to being in pain as I have chronic pain issues. So I do know what it is like to be sad in the wee small hours.

So sorry to hear that your partner is suffering as well. The cutting is a sign that he needs help. Do you know if he is receiving some sort of councelling/psychiatric care at the prison? If he is not then you need to contact the prison again and formally ask for it.

Does he have a close relative or friend that could help you do this?

All you can really do is show him support and keep writing letters, e mails if you are allowed to and phone calls, again when you are able to. Try very hard to be positive in your communication with him.

He will know how sad and upset you are but it is important to show him a strong face. Talk about how lovely it will be when he gets home, any plans you have for the future, anything that is positive.

Life is very hard for lots of people, the trick is to keep going no matter what is thrown at you.

Believe me things will improve, it just takes a while.

When I was your age I lived in a caravan with two babies and no outside help. I did the most awful jobs to feed them. I also had depression and frankly got very near the edge a few times.

After a long struggle I managed to pull myself out of it all, by working hard and getting on with life. There was nothing else I could do.

I now have two great sons who have really made me proud, they have families and it was all worth it.

I will keep you in my heart and think of how you are doing.

There is help out there, you must look for it. You could try the Cituizens Advice for help in learning how the prison servce liason works out.

Be proud of yourself and be strong. Bless you, Take care, Fanny Jane.

Thankyou fanny jane for your advice it helps alot and you give some good advice im so glad we got talking. He reassures me this wont be happening again. But if it does or i hear of anynore struggle then i will be contacting citizens advice no point talking to the prison because they dont really care or listen. When i talk wiv him 2moro though i am going to be more positive because i find if hes doing ok then i am so maybe its the same forhim. But once again thankyou for everything and i will keep you posted

Hi Stacey, you are very welcome.

I always think it is far easier to mull things over with a stranger than our nearest and dearest.

Just wanted to say thinking of you today and hoping your phone call will be a good one and you will feel more positive when you put the receiver down

It may take a lot of work to get your partner in a positive mood as he is the one in prision, so don't expect miracles from your new positive outlook. Stay the course ann hopefully things will work out in the end.

A very late post once again, I hope you are at least trying to get some sleep!

Good luck, take care, Fanny Jane.

Hi fanny jane im not doing good all of a sudden for no reason my anxiety has been playing up :-( i am going to the doctors 2moro see if they can help and hopefully soon i will feel abit better.