Desperation

I don't even know what to say..... It is 8 weeks since my hip revision. 2 weeks now that I've been full weight bearing and walking. Dr still has the hip precautions I seem him Oct 18. I can't get myself out of this depression. Crying every day. Thoughts of hopelessness and feel like I can't go on. I try to be positive, comment on all who post with well wishes and prayers. There have been some with some very sad stories and hardships. I keep trying to tell myself it's gonna be ok....but I can't get myself to believe that. I lay in bed and don't want to move. I'm not in pain when I walk. It's just that it feels so tight when I take a step. My knee barely bends at 60 degrees with a little force. It feels weird when I walk. And it discourages me so much. I can say there has been improvement in the feeling but it's still there and I fall back into depression and discouragement. My daughter is getting ready to go into basic training and I'm already missing her. I'm worried about my granddaughter, her daughter, cause I'm not sure how she will take it. She's 13. Plus I'm useless right now. I can't take her to school as I can't drive yet. Then today I find out my grandmother is in hospital and very weak. She's 109! Sad part for me is I won't be able to see her or go to her funeral if she does pass away. She lives 6 hours away. I'm still having problems sitting as I have that dang lump in my thigh/bum area! I'm still having to ice. And I use heat. Last Friday I went to my daughter's house for the evening. It was nice to finally get out but I had to take that darn potty chair and took my wheelchair so I had a place to sit as to not break the 90 degree. I'm so scared of that! I'm scared to bear full weight too! I try but I get scared! Thanks for letting me vent. I just want to feel better again. My family needs me.

3 likes, 38 replies