Disabled, has this "disabled" your self worth?

Doc!

I'm perplexed with this question as well.  It appears that people are uncomfortable with those with a disability thus turn their back on them.  It'not catchy and it could just happen to them.  Will that be a life lesson for those? who knows.  Another issue, I guess.

But I've found some exremly, overly helpful and they are very much appreciated then there are those who think if they look the way of someone disabled, they will "catch" it.  Heck yes, this can play on

self-worth.  I guess ignorance is bliss! right?

Frustrated XxoO

Hi frustrated, Gosh this is a big question. Many of us may have seen a sickly fledgeling being push out of the nest to die on th groud below. Some have seen a sockle young animal attacked by its siblings and driven away. Or perhaps a deformed new born kitten killed and eaten by the dam. There is some primal instinct at work. The question that comes to my mind is this. Are humans just clever animals who should obey their natural instincts? Should we bite and kill our sick or deformed neighbour and drive him away? Or should we have compassion, and bring help and comfort to our suffering neightbour? Should we be an animal driven by thoughtless instinct. Or shouldwe be human trascending instinct with compassion?

I remember when at school my class was in an uproar mobbing one of the our school fellows. As happens with mobs, uncritically I was drawn into this cruelty. The bell rang and the master approached. The mob scattered to their desks and I saw the victim. More, I SAW the victim's tears. In that moment I learned compassion.

Sadly, at ones expense.  However, the flip to that is, this is possibly God's means of teaching compassion.  Did you ever see this person again?  Was his life as pathetic as it seemed at that time he was being "bullied"?

I've experienced I believe one of God's true signs of this.  The story is long (go figure, right?) but I'll share it only if you'd like to hear.

Doc, I'm very happy you learned compassion, it clearly shows.  Not to worry that someone had to go through misery for some to learn such a valuable lesson.  God has his reasons and we cannot question.

Anyway, I will present later.

Frustrated

The lasting life changing effect was on me. I have no idea about any others in that class. I remember the bullied boy's name and what he looked like on that occasion. That is all. A cosmic moment.

Yes please. Now you are back I should like to hear that story very much.

 

Hi Jessie~

Happy to see you! Love that  regarding the "weakest" link; quite the observation!  You however, were never an intention to to ditch. The only intention to not submit to provocation.

The question is two-fold.  While I am physically disabled a title I  was given by a surgeon who called his surgery to me as "failed back syndrome".  Funny, to save face, they give a failed surgery a name so one can "sleep" at night.  Anyway, because of this, I do have problems getting around.  I would be totally dependent on someone should my immediate family not be here to assist me.  For me that won't ever happen.  For other's however, it can and will happen.

It's funny, in ways, that when I was up and abled, I would get looks because (so I'm told) a nice looking person.  However, my looks haven't changed much but now people find it difficult to look at me, why?  Ignorance?  Anyway, it really made me aware just how prejudiced our society really is. 

If the disability is visual, most likely there are prejudices going on.  All I can say, is one day, years ago, I was in perfect health.  I always cared for those who were "misunderstood".  I'd open doors for them, I'd even wheel them to the appropriate place.  I do admit, if I wasn't headed towards that particular place, I wouldn't get out of my car and do this.  I most likely didn't even notice.  The point is, why add to someones self-worthlessness by looking away, believe me, we notice, try a smile, it goes a long way especially to  those who feel less than. And remember, your day just may have not come, yet.  Hopefully, it will never, but it can.

So, this question was partially for my interest and also out of curiosity.

Thank you, Jessie~

Frustrated

Thank you Jessie,

No, it is not the question of a dilletente passing an idle moment. Bofore passing on to anchor your comments in the fine holding seabed of good sense and the keen acknowledgement of the worth of every human, Let me first take my place among the disabled. Prostate cancer now publicised and politised as the number one cancer killer of men does cause that shock of dread to vail the hearer's face; that shock of dread that still appears at the announcement of breast cancer in women. i have another disability, almost universally ignored in practice even if acknowledged by lip. That is deafness - loss of hearing. Sometimes ridicule and mockery, occasionally insult. always isolating and excluding- lonely in a roomfull of happy people. Yes I am involved not just intested in this debate,

(end of part one as I have run out of time)

I can only imagine the silence.  It has to seem extremely lonely in a room full of people that love you.  How do you cope with this, Doc?

Frustrated

hi frustrated, not silence but meaniful noise that has no meaning for me. Asking yet again to speak slowly. The speaker starts again with excessive articulation and before the first sentence is half way through is back to normal spead and looking away from me. Struggling to understand, too late to take part in the conversation, exhausted by the effort in half an hour. Chided for not being ready for the outing I never knew was being planned, yet I was in the room while THEY planned. A machine talking on the phone and I have no idea - marketing, rubbish, confirmation of an important meeting? I have no idea. Yes alone, not just in  roomfull of strangers but also in a roomfull of loved ones who love you. Enough to make you weep? Well, yes it is.

And frustrated, those non-looks! That must be dreadful. Now, try this for looks. A stranger rides up behind me on his bike, ringing his bell, I was later told. I walk on. He peddles past, just missing me, turns on his saddle, puts a finger to his temple, makes a face, and rotates his finger. Well, you just kind of remember, don't you.

No, frustrated, I don't cope. I excuse myself after a while for the effort is tiring and boring and exhausting. The ideal is me plus one or two people. Me and three or more is inevitable misery. Prostate Cancer for all it turns life upside down from the first diagnosis to the last painful gasp is not so bad as as the unremitting misery of hearing loss. (and I have two excellent well programmed hearing aids from NHS.)

 

In sum, frustrated, I get anxious about my prostate cancer, I get miserable about my deafness.

George ~

I cannot imagine what you're dealing with.  I can appreciate the anxiety of the cancer...I have nothing to write that can seem positive regarding that, how can anything seem that way?! 

My grandmother became deaf after years.  It all started with ear infections as a child then progressed as she was a swimmer and mostly in lakes where there are all kinds of critters waiting for that warm, dark environment to reek havoc.  This caused her to go deaf and while I can appreciate your side of this, on the flip, it was so hard to keep in contact with her.  Many just didn't try.  I had a thought one day while in class at college, "they teach sign language in this school, why not ask a student if they'd come to her home (Grandmothers)and teach us?" and that's exactly what I did.  It was a six week course that this student put together exclusively for us.  She did get credit and she also got a monetary gain which wasn't enough as far as I was concerned.  But, we all put in what we could afford.  That wasn't her goal anyway, she thought it would be good to get this extra kind of credit to her name.

So, after the weeks followed, we would go and visit my grandmother and practice with one another.  She would always sign something then turn her little finger upwards.  It wasn't any part of any word!  It made it extremely hard to follow what she was trying to say.  Although she understood us, we could not follow her.  LOL then one night I realized, that little finger turn up was an accent! It had to be!  There wasn't any other explanation. lol  She was a very feminine woman and she'd drink her tea with that little finger turned upwards.  So, oddly, we couldn't relate to her accent and boy, did we try to break that habit of hers, but she just didn't really understand how she was changing the meaning of everything she said!! 

It wasn't all for not, though.  My daughter's were taught a valuable lesson and that's not to ignore those with afflictions and try to help if possible.  Both are like that today!  They both care so much for others. One is a Hospice nurse for the past 8 yrs and the other, well she works for a company that is unrelated to "care" but she is the first one to come visit me and goes to see her grandmother, who sadly is afflicted with dementia.  For that, I'm thankful for having that person come and teach us sign.  It also got all of us together under one roof with the only thing that mattered, my grandmother. 

We were able to continue signing to her and since she knew how to speak prior to losing her hearing, she would answer us in a speaking voice.  So it all worked out!  We certainly had many laughs over those classes.  That poor girl who stepped in to help us, I don't know if she followed through with that as a career or we changed her way of thinking altogether!  It was all good.  I'm happy that was part of our lives.  To this day, I still can sign and I teach my grandkids the easiest ways to get what you want w/o screaming...a little flip here and a little flip there LOLOL!

Doc, there is hope.  Possibly there is someone who can step in and teach basics of signing to your family and I'll tell you, if nothing else, the laughs you'll share, priceless.

Love you!

Frustrated

Thank you frustrated. Signing would be great. 1. we would communicate. 2. They would look at me (no longer a full colour shape that turns grey and it's gone. 3.  we would be properly integrated.

I think the reason that it hurts so badly,  complex and easy communication for social and practical purposes is a major basic of being human. If something really excites or pleases us we do not get anything like the full joy of it until we speak to others about it.

Amen to that, Doc!  Amen to that.

<3 frustrated>

The forum is so great for me in that I 'hear' every word you write. even with the typos ( The 'typos ' in what I hear when people speak is nobody's business. I need the context. Then I need the whole sentance. Then I look for some sensible meaning within the context. Then I hope it is about right. Takes about half a second. Too slow to reply for the conversation has moved on. ) And on the forum I can get into the conversation and reply. And have a whole lot of exchanges. It makes me very happy. Thank you all.

Doc ~

Thank you as well.  Your input is very thoughtful and meaningful!  See, we "gimps" can be worthy  hehe! 

<3

frustrated>

frustrated>

Jessie51, I am disabled and I am doing a PhD. I have been told that I should make Professor in 2 years time - I am gifted because of my disability. How dare you spread your bad words "a disabled person cannot live the same life as an able person". This is simply untrue. Who are you to say that the standard of life is so much superior when you don't have a disability - 'survival is a struggle'. You make what you want from life, disability or not. Anyone can have a amazing life when they follow their heart, disability has nothing to do with it and I am living proof of this. I acquired my disability later on in life and I am now living a much better life. I look at my friends and family,  they are trapped in their rat race of life. I am free to follow my passions. My pain has also made me more human, my greatest gift. Something you would never understand as it seems as you comparing humans to animals. So carry on pushing disabled aside in your own little world because people like me who will continue to do great work and push your ignorance aside. Anyone out there with a health condition or disability don't listen to Jessie51 awful comments. Terrible really.