Disabled, has this "disabled" your self worth?

Hi Jessie ~

Actually, on good days, I don't even have to use a cane.  However, if I'm going to a place that has a lot of people around, I use the cane because so many are in such a hurry these days that they bump into you w/o even realizing but I cannot afford that to happen as I could lose balance and then what? Yep, i'd fall. I use a cane most the time. When I go places that will entail a  lot of walking, I "rent" a scooter or if I have to, I use a wheelchair.  Not my first choice. 

My self worth is fine.  I'm curious about other's who haven't been able to find theirs.  Unfortunately, people are cruel with looks, or behaviors, or just by ignoring.  It's true.  I've observed this not only with myself, but with other's in similar condition.  Either people are "reminded" of their mortality or, they just don't give a rats.  To me, I am fortunate to have wonderful family and friends that care enough about me to always include me with anything they are doing.  My situation was unfortunate at the hands of someone who had anger issues.  Not towards me, but towards others (like road rage) and they were dealing with that issue and slammed into me while driving 50 mpr. 

Anyway, I thought this could be a avenue for some to express their emotions on the subject. Especially if they are affected with this.

I appreciate your input as it will most likely help someone reading.  I do hope they respond because writing is very theraputic.

Being disabled has only affected me in ways that make me upset that I cannot do for myself with everything.  I've come to grips that this is what it is and nothing will change, except my attitude towards it.  I've embraced it.  I would like to know how others who are disabled, how they've embraced it and what they've done to make it work.

Warm regards,

Frustrated

Jessie and you are enlivening this debate marvellously. There must be tons of experience with members of this forum. I do hope you silent members of the forum will imitate Jessie and frustrated and add your t'penceworth to this debate. Please , please do. Doc!

Also, Jessie ~

That first paragraph was in response to your post.  Read what you wrote and then what I wrote, it may make sense afterwards.

Frustrated

         You however, were never an intention to to ditch. The only intention to not submit to provocation.

Still can't see what you mean,   I had no intentions nor was I aware I was submiting  to or causing provocation.     

I made a comment about a well known saying -  ?

Jessie

Jessie ~

fuhgettaboutit!  It wasn't meant for you.  I just thought somehow you caught on to what transpired.  It's not important and it's in the past.  All is good on the homefront!  So, let's keep this ball rolling in the right direction! K!?

hugs,

Frustrated

 

Frustrated

was never good at games,      your answer was to my reply.        

Best I step out.

Jessie

Truly, Jessie, this wasn't meant to be part of a game.  I cannot explain it any better but I will give it a good try.

Frustrated

So frustrated,

 we have a situation where there has been a misunderstanding !

Today I went out,  at this point I should put me hand up and say 'yup'  I am disabled.    I went out out with the aid of an elbow crutch and a four wheel shopping trolley that is also a walking aid  ( as opposed to the four wheel trolley with shelves on that I use in the home)   I approached a crossing on the road,  traffic had at the time right of way.  My knee chose that paricular moment to give up on me,  the momentum of the trolley carried me forward onto the road - -  ohhh my was that driver mad at me,  the person behind me however was most concerned.    One incident and two different reactions,   plus there was how I felt.   

I am disabled but make the best of life I can,  I am very independant,    I did tho feel disabled by my disability at todays incident and could see both of the others point of view.     

There will always be different ways to 'see'  a given situation,    actions and reactions will vary from person to  person    am pleased there is no jury  to  give a verdict       dread to think of  the   sentance.

Yes,  I am disabled by my disability           --        has to be the only full and  truthfull  answer.   Has to be.

Jessie..

It seems tome down to the point that if we cannot do all the sort of things a 'normal' adult is expected to be able to do then we are disabled. We may still be fully independent and economically viable. If this definition is accepted disabled is a very wide description.

It is wide description George,   covers a multitude conditions,  some of which require medication only to keep in check - as opposed to those who need meds and equipment - in various forms.   A lot of people who are disabled are given cars to enable them to get about,   I have a driving license    yes a clean one  lol       but am unable to actually drive due to my physical inability,     bit of   a      rum un# 

Hey~  Doc <3

i'm back from the trenches.  never want to see that again, hopeful.  looks like you've been bussssy!  hope you're feeling well and i will just get with it and read, read, read.

love ya much!

frustrated i'm="" back="" from="" the="" trenches. ="" never="" want="" to="" see="" that="" again,="" hopeful. ="" looks="" like="" you've="" been="" bussssy! ="" hope="" you're="" feeling="" well="" and="" i="" will="" just="" get="" with="" it="" and="" read,="" read,="" read.="" love="" ya="" much!="">

i'm back from the trenches.  never want to see that again, hopeful.  looks like you've been bussssy!  hope you're feeling well and i will just get with it and read, read, read.

love ya much!

frustrated>

Jessie~

I want to start out saying, how sorry I am that happened to you!  That is unacceptable from the "trolly driver" and kudos to the pedestrian.  I don't wish anyone ill-will but I most certainly hoped you crossed paths with this particular trolly (management) and refresh their idea of what PEDestrians mean...they have right of way and especially if they are disabled.  Omgosh, I'm flummoxed with his/her attitude.  That in itself, would give a disabled person to have reason to be angered, I am, for you!

I know anger is a waste of energy to much of us cannot afford.  However, I admire the fact that in an awful situation, you were able to see the positive side of things.  I truly admire you for that, Jessie.

Yes, I am disabled, too, my, however, disabilities do not disable me, it's the mindset of the "trolly driver" that is all debilitating hence the definition of debilitating: Something that's debilitating seriously affects someone or something's strength or ability to carry on with regular activities, like a debilitating illness'..the something (someone) needs an attitude adjustment.  You are in a position to empower all of us disabled people around the world.  Should this had to have happen to me, I would have directly spoke with the "highers" up in that company and gave them an ultimatum would be to have signs posted inside and outside the trolly and a "course" in being compassion, or a suit will follow.  I'm happy that you weren't hurt but then again, it could have gone horribly wrong, then what?  I try to learn from every situation I've been involved in, and I do also feel that perhaps in your case, the "workers" haven't been "taught"

i am so sorry, again, that happened to you and i'm also proud you took the higher ground, but that shouldn't have happened.  the driver had that opportunity to show other's how to take care of "us" disabled...because, i never in my life ever expected to be disabled, it could happen to them, then what?  tears for fears!

thank you for your post, jessie.

frustrated

i won't proof this because if i do, i may take stuff out when i totally wanted it to be said.  that,="" taught,="" to="" feel="" compassion="" and="" to="" know="" when="" to="" stop ="" that="" trolly="" and="" get="" off="" their="" hind="" end="" and="" get="" out="" and="" help="" those="" who="" are="" in="" need. ="" okay,="" i'm="" off="" on="" a="" tangent.="" i="" am="" so="" sorry,="" again,="" that="" happened="" to="" you="" and="" i'm="" also="" proud="" you="" took="" the="" higher="" ground,="" but="" that="" shouldn't="" have="" happened. ="" the="" driver="" had="" that="" opportunity="" to="" show="" other's="" how="" to="" take="" care="" of="" "us"="" disabled...because,="" i="" never="" in="" my="" life="" ever="" expected="" to="" be="" disabled,="" it="" could="" happen="" to="" them,="" then="" what? ="" tears="" for="" fears!="" thank="" you="" for="" your="" post,="" jessie.="" frustrated="" i="" won't="" proof="" this="" because="" if="" i="" do,="" i="" may="" take="" stuff="" out="" when="" i="" totally="" wanted="" it="" to="" be="">

i am so sorry, again, that happened to you and i'm also proud you took the higher ground, but that shouldn't have happened.  the driver had that opportunity to show other's how to take care of "us" disabled...because, i never in my life ever expected to be disabled, it could happen to them, then what?  tears for fears!

thank you for your post, jessie.

frustrated

i won't proof this because if i do, i may take stuff out when i totally wanted it to be said. >

I'll rephraise it to you in an email. This is going off discussion but I really want you tell you what I meant and how it wasn't a direct shoot to you!

<3

frustrated>

frustrated>

I agree Doc ~ but, the definition wasn't for the few that are fully independent or economically viable.  I'm both.  Could I go out and actually work, no.  I cannot tolerate the time schedules on my feet day in and day out.  Having my disabilites from the 2 auto accidents and the fact of having 2 autoimmune diseases, my stamina is not at an all time high.  I do, however, "bring in the bacon" (doi) and I can carry on intelligent converstaions and also handle information related to anything over the phone. My one affliction, sjogrens, has my eyes to a point that I need sunglasses everytime I go out, day or night.  To some, it's secretive and all assuming, when in fact, I have no other choice 'cept to go blind from all the "poison and light" out there!  No, thank you!

So, back to the description, it is very wide in description but for those who are still fortunate to carry on "like" before, the disability definition is as such for you should things change.  Mine won't.  I pray yours or anyone elses here does.  My surgeon is a realist.  He told me after my surgery I'd be "skydiving".  Haven't jumped yet and I doubt that will ever happen.  So, because of that, I'm "failed back syndrome" a title to which I am "disabled" under.  But it fits perfectly.

Anyway, again, always your fan!! Love you much

Frustrated XxoO

Hi Jessie ~

I was so intent on making sure you were ok with that paragraph, that I didn't mention  how my disabilities have affected me.  One, I use a can while walking although since the second auto accident in 2013, any length of walk I have to use a wheelchair.  I'm working on a scooter, a friend of mine just gave me much needed info on them and I'm checking into it as I write!!   My eyeglasses, although they aren't much of an afflicitioin to anyone persay, I cannot go w/o the sunglasses as the light tears through my cornea.  And, the sarcoidosis, as that isn't visible either, it wears me down to the core.  I get so tired easily but then when I have energy, i try to get what I can get done w/o reservation.  Then it's time to kick it up!

Some of the hang ups are by me and me alone.  I am/was the one who always put things together, fundraisers, family outings (the size of fundraisers, lol, everything from A-Z) so when all the health left me, I found myself feeling alone.  I have 4 brothers and no offense to the brothers but they (w/exception of one) the 3 have always depened on me to take care of holidays, get togethers etc...and i accepted that and loved doing it.  I was the one who would always suggest going places with my g/friends and we'd stay for a long weekend or just overnight to something fun and when everything happened, I felt alone.  But, come to find out, they now feel alone.  I mentioned that I'm passing on the torch so, we'll see who replies!  After the amount of work, I'm not truly looking for a miracle.

I get what you're saying about the disablement being "bitterness".  I can see that.  I've tried placing myself in a postitive place yet at times, I don't feel bitter (although I do with the two who hit me and went on with their lives, my life has so much changed).  It's not defined me but I'lll tell you that it's something that plays on my family over and over.  They still think I'm able being but not wanting.  This is so far from the truth and mostly because of the research of sarcoidosis as most will state that it comes and goes before one even knows they have it.  Well, I've had it over 10 yrs now and it's come back with a vengence, not thinking it's going away anytime soon.  But I cannot reply to them that way because it's a pity party.  So, prejudices go hand in hand with family members as well.

If one shouting out on the mountain but those aren't willing to listen, why isn't that a loss of self worth?

Just wondering how you feel.

Frustrated

haha we all use our "cans" to walk with.  I however use a "cane"  lol

But!!!      Frustrated,   back up bonny lass,     I was the 'trolley'  driver     the trolley  is one of my walking aids,     I was at a road crossing  where at that at that point in time the traffic had Right of way.      

Me  and my disabled body were in the wrong.    The driver of the car could not see that my leg had given way,   she just thought I was an old biddy crossing the road with out looking !    

The point I was making is that for differing reasons people see things in a different way,   things are not always obvious,    the deaf,   the dumb   the person  with epilepsy,   I could go on.       

For me,  being disabled puts me at a great disadvantage in life.  What happened just  totally threw it in my face,  along with a few other feelings.

Jessie.

But     but    ---    frustrated,     No where at all    have I said anything about being Bitter   !!!      

Jessie.

I am not being heard,  could be my mountain is not high enough,  could be my voice  or typed word  is not loud enough ,   could be what I had to say was not worth the hearing.  No matter.    Not one iota.

Jessie

Dear Jessie and dear frustrated,

We value input from each of you. Please, please desist from these public disagreements. They are not helpful to the rest of us. Remember, I beg you, we all have serious problems and all of us are hurting a great deal. If you must justify yourself, please, please use the private message system, but best of all, be gracious and be kind to each other. Think how much these exchanges grieve us who love and value both of you.

Jessie ~

I should listen to my body when I'm not well.  I totally misread your post and I apologize for that!  This gives me reason to take extra care of what I post and when I post.  Obviously, I thought I was well enough to take on answering some of the posts, I was proven wrong.

My humbled apologies.  The trolley here is just that, a tolley.  I never connected that you and your device were the trolley.  Miscommunication again.

Hope you find it in your heart to overlook this.

Frustrated

I know you didn't state you being "bitter" you stated "A persons worth could become disabled for a variety of reasons,  bitterness being one,   and that is understandable,  it could also be put down to the attitude of the able bodied towards them."

There has to either be a happy medium here and know because all this is in writing that one cannot see or hear other's words they must feel through writing, if that cannot happen, I cannot keep on apologizing for always "misunderstanding".  I have apologized and I meant it and I will make mistakes again, I promise that.  It's not a goal but it's human error.  I've accepted everything from you and it's my hope you can do the same because I'm not against you, I'm with you.

Frustrated