Do I have a drink problem?

Yes the same is happening to me vicks xx

I think it happened to RHGB too. Really annoying isn't it? Looks like you're not bothered.

Hi VickyLou. Thanks very much for your reply. I am bothered I just didn't want to post too much to annoy people.

Yeah I have been quite surprised by my units over the week. I can totally relate with the police thing. I'm terrified of police and never been in trouble yet found myself at the wrong end of the law recently. I hope your experience didn't cause you too much long term distress.

Thanks for replying. I hope you're doing well.

Sophie

Hi Sophie

please post as much and as often as you want  and you are NOT bothering people. That's what the forum is about. We have all had or got problems with alcohol AUD.

Really pleased your getting some help from alcohol services. I think you said you were told to taper off gradually before having a detox. Were you told by how much?

I had a home detox, that was over 20 years ago. I know you said you don't want a hospital detox, but do you have a responsible adult, family or friend to keep an eye on you. So long as the dose is high enough, you shouldn't suffer that much, but you need to get the alcohol out of your system.

Keep posting whenever you want. I don't sleep well at all, so am often on here during the night if you want to chat.

Thank you that's very kind of you. I worry about annoying everyone. I feel I'm not worth the help. What is AUD? Sorry if that's a stupid question.

They haven't told me how much tapering off yet, they said they will be in touch next week.

I live on my own in a flat but in supported housing so theres staff there 24/7 but in an office and I don't like bothering them.

Thank you. Sorry I'm still getting used to the forum but trying not to miss any replies

Sophie

Sophie you're not annoying anyone, Keep posting. No one here will judge you. You can say anything you want, safe in the knowledge it's confidential.

Many of us here have found more help, advice, understanding and information on this forum than any alcohol services, AA (alcoholics anonymous ) helps some people. I'm not one of them though!

Rather than using the word 'Alcoholic' which is a bit stereotyping, many people still think of an alcoholic as being a tramp on a park bench, with a bottle of meths, or cheap cider in a brown paper bag, rummaging through bins! The term AUD, Alcohol User Disorder is preferred and it is recognised as being an illness. No one chooses to have AUD, but we can take steps to help ourselves, as with other illnesses.

Why do you feel you're not worth the help? Of cause you are, we all need help at some point in life, anyone who says they don't,  IMO is lying.

dont worry, Keep posting 😄😄😄😄

You have had 25 replies to your post.  The 25 people who've replyed to you, obviously don't find you rubbish, otherwise they wouldn't have replied, would they.

Did your keyworker mention any kind of counselling for you after your detox? That's something for later on,to discuss.

take care

Thank you.

Alcoholics anonymous scares me a bit as I'm not sure I'm ready to abstain from alcohol. Says her on 26 units... I'm def not ready to abstain!

Yes I don't relate to the word alcoholic but AUD seems much more user friendly.

Without the risk of getting too deep (I don't do well with deep and bearing all), I don't feel I'm a good enough person to get support, I think people are better off without me plaguing their lives.

There hasn't been a mention of counselling as of yet, only group work which i dread as I'm a very anxious person.

Thank you for continuing to reply to me.

Sophie

Well you're helping me too Sophie. I suffer dreadfully with insomnia, so having someone to chat to passes the time!

AA wasn't for me. I went to a few meetings, but only listened, I didn't want to share my problems with a bunch of strangers. I accept it's helped loads of people and still does, but not me thank you. As I said before, this forum is far better. I don't like talking about my problems, but the anonymity here makes it so much easier.

You don't plague peoples' lives Sophie. Obviously I don't know anything about you. What I do think is that someone somewhere has either controlled you, or belittled you to the point where you've got no self worth, or self esteem and I know exactly how that feels and what it does to you. If someone constantly puts you down, tells you youre useless, eventually not all, but the majority of people will have issues. If that person is someone you look up to, in my case it was my mum, nothing I ever did was good enough. Therefore I must be useless, no,good at anything. My kids are all adults with their own homes, but she even made me feel like I was a bad mum.

Even my husband wasn't good enough for her, the difference was he gave her as good as he got. She tried telling him he was doing something wrong with one of the kids, he didn't know what he was doing. I can laugh about it now, him practically throwing her out of our house.

The only time I'd stand up to her was when I'd had a few drinks, hence my problems with alcohol.

If I've got it wrong about you, then I do apologise.

Hi. Sorry I didn't reply last night, I don't remember what happened.

Yes i don't fancy baring my soul to a room full of people at AA. It's much better on here for me too I think.

I'm really sorry to here what your Mum put you through. I hope you have or will be able to see that it's her with the problem not you (i hope you don't mind me saying that). I can see why feeling able to stand up to her after a few drinks could escalate into a problem. By the way I'm sure you're an excellent Mum!

Wow yeah you read me well there. Someone did do that... That's where the PTSD and flashbacks come into it. One of my workers is trying to get me to work on my self esteem but the trouble is I think I'm just realistic about my self worth- that i have none! I'm seeing her a bit later today actually and she wants me to tell her about the PTSD stuff as I've got away with not sharing it with her up until now. I'm dreading it to be honest.

I hope you managed to get some sleep.

Sophie

Sophie

Ive only just seen your post, sorry. You're probably  seeing your keyworker by now.

Its perfectly natural for you to be a bit anxious and apprehensive about

discussing something personal with someone new. You don't want to talk about it because it brings something you've tried hard to ignore. She wants to hear from you what happened to cause PTSD and to see your reactions

and how you deal with talking about it.

One of my best friends was a counsellor specialising in CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and she thought I'd benefit from it

her analogy was to imagine an old treasure trove/chest full of different files which contain stuff you've hidden away. Things you don't like. The idea is once a week or how often you like, you take a file have a quick glance, then shove it back in the case and put it back. The next stage you read through them, it's quite emotional as each file contains certain aspects of your life, things you don't like. You've put them back in the cupboard, but not dealt with them. I could go on, but I'm sure you get the general idea. Finally the case is completely empty now and is thrown away. In other words you've dealt with them, you don't need them. All done and dusted and time to move on. You don't dwell on the past, you can't do anything, just continue beating yourself up for nothing. What's done is done, accept it and move on.

RHGB, if you're reading this, I haven't lost the plot, don't worry, I'm just relaying info for Sophie. It makes perfect sense to me, not at first I admit, you have to work with the programme, be positive

Oh, I know you lost the plot long ago Vicks.

I was thinking about key worker when I read it. The very first one I saw at the first ARC, was actually quite good, but she didn't seem to do case worker stuff, just the intial meeting, so I never saw her again.

I think if I had ended up with her, things might have been very different. In fact ARCs could be wonderful places if they had competent knowledgeable staff and their business plan wasn't geared totally around the more profitable heroin/drugs side.

The same with things like CBT and mindfullness, they are normally given/taught by people who do not really understand them and therefore people end up with a rather jaundiced view of them.

Same with the hospital and the vitamins. They are essential for a person's wellbeing when they are drinking that amount of alcohol. I know from my own long stint in hospital that they tell you nothing about them and the importance of taking them. So what did the OP do? Stop taking them and where is the GP following up that? When I had my stay in the A&E ward last year, they came around with the pills. First thing I did was ask, what is that for - antibiotics came the reply, fine that's for my chest infection. Then they came around again with a different one. Again, what is that for - anti-epilepsy pill, fine that's for the syncope. Tell people what it's for and why it is important for them to take it.

 

Yes I agree with you. I'd want to know exactly what I'm taking, why I'm supposed to take it, and how long do I have to take them for. I always want to know about side effects, and any contra indications with my current medication.

i was given a new tablet for asthma a few weeks back, wasn't given much information about it, only that it wasn't a steroid. Came back googled it and was horrified Montelukast. Research has shown a quite high number of people have then developed Churg-Strauss Syndrome. Got an appointment with the consultant so will ask him about it.

I had the same thing with keyworkers when I had to go to an ARC. First one was great, really nice, knew what she was on about. Went the following week thinking these weekly sessions aren't going to be as bad as I thought. You can guess the rest, 19 year old lad who looked about 16. I asked him what qualifications he'd got, NVQ Level 2 in Health and Social Care!! Sorry but my daughter got Level 3/4 at 6th Form college when she was 16.

The only medication he knew of was an excellent and long established highly successful drug called, yep you've guessed, Antabuse!!

Speck - yep Kiddo vicks is a night owl just like me - always around when need be.

G.

Aww bud  not heard any of that before - like I have said we all have variating problems on here and reasons to drink.  That is sad for you hun - really sorry x

Specks - listen to these guys - I have - I thought I was at the end - confessed to my doc who referred me to counselling - naa not for me.  Stayed on here with the "fam" and have tapered down from 2 bottles of wine a night to 2 glasses -  by myself without medical or counselling intervention - just these guys.  I can honestly say I am chuffed to bits with how I have done over the last several months.  I also feel way better and no foggy brain anymore.  At the moment, for you, it is really hard because you are not really ready to do it.  That is the key to this and to tell alcohol to do one.  You can, without a doubt, do this. Please listen to what is on offer as winding down like me may not be for you - but put the wheels in motion, albeit, scary for you - you won't look back.  All reasons for drinking and justifying it are real to the person - trouble is all they do is bring health problems that we can do without.  It is you you need to focus on and be strong.

Always around x

Hi

Thank you. I did like the analogy and can definitely apply it to opening up about things. I have done CBT on seperate issues and found it helpful.

I saw my main worker earlier and finally opened up to her after a couple of years. Her reaction was a mixture for me. She said she didn't want to downplay what happened to me but kind of implied that it's not as bad as I feel it was. So I keep alternating between thinking ''well I'm maybe not as bad as I think it makes me'' and ''maybe I'm overreacting then and shouldn't let it affect me so much''.

So I'm in a bit of a mash of emotions and have decided not to do certain bad things and turn to the drink once more instead. Sorry you'll be getting sick of hearing that from me by now!

Hi. That's brilliant that you've got it down so much and without medical intervention. I'm glad you're feeling better for it too.

I do worry that I'm not accepting that it's a problem enough and therefore not ready to change and therefore won't. But i know it's not good for my metal health and i can't keep it up one way or another, so maybe that's the start of changing? I don't know.

It is scary, the thought of dealing with things without a drink is terrifying. But I'm so glad I've found a friendly bunch of people here that understand.

Also I like the shortened 'Specks', makes me feel like one of the family

Did the numbness fade once you cut down?

Thanks for replying,

Sophie

Hi Sophie 

whatever happened to you, obviously affected you deeply. I don't think it's a case of you overreacting, you can't help your feelings. We are all different and react differently to things. 

?I am am a bit confused as to what you mean by Ive decided not to do certain bad things and turn to the drink once more instead.

?What bad things do you mean? do you mean you're going to drink just once more? Sorry I'm being a bit dense here.

Did your worker suggest any medication, or explain how to taper down before your detox. When are you supposed to have a detox, and who will prescribe medication. I do hope you've not been left to reduce your alcohol intake on your own without medication.

I don't want to be nosey, but your keyworker seems to be talking about a detox, but just telling you to keep a drink diary. You need to have a plan and something to work towards.

Is it an alcohol keyworker you have just seen, or just an ordinary keyworker.

You mention you've been seeing her for a couple of years, so I'm guessing maybe just a basic counsellor? 

 

Hi Vicky,

Thank you for saying that, it helped.

TRIGGER WARNING: Sorry I didn't want to say explicitly as I don't know rules. I'll say though since i set the warning there. I overdose frequently due to the mental health difficulties. But chose to go for the alcohol, tonight anyway.

The alcohol worker will be in touch next week some time. I think they will set up a proper plan for tapering down the alcohol then. I think they said they will prescribe the medication closer to the detox.

Not nosey at all. I'm happy to share here if people aren't annoyed by it.

Yes the key worker I saw today is my care coordinator, not an alcohol specialist. She's been involved because of the poor mental health, she didn't even know about the alcohol problem until I was arrested a month ago.

Sophie

Sophie Ive just sent you a private message

There is a little envelope under my avatar on the left hand side. Click on the envelope and you'll see my message, no one else can see it. To reply just type under my message. Any problems come back on the forum

High Specks - glad you are ok with your family name lol   Understand your fear of dealing with things without your crutch.  You have CBT - I tried that for a while - it was ok short term but not mind blowing for me personally.  I have found much much better release via either running or power walking coupled with silent meditation and just shutting out the world for 20 mins every day.  Do you ever do this?  If not, I strongly suggest you have a go.  To a layperson it sounds all poop (my hubs for a start - and used to find it funny to creep up on me when I was "away with the fairies" in my  lovely sense of calm with my eyes closed.  He soon got the message.  After a week of doing this, coupled with reducing alcohol however way suits you best - will make you feel like a different person.

If you have not done so, please think on it.  Wonferful feeling as the anxiety just starts melting away - surreal really and cheap as chips lol xx

Gwennie.

Is it like relaxation. I have several apps for relaxation, and some sleep ones. I've only had 3 hrs sleep over the last 3 nights. Was very tempted to have whisky and hot milk at 3am. Didn't though cos I knew how crap I'd feel now.

Luckily, I don't work. I know thousands of people work whilst suffering la k of sleep. Take my hat off to them!

Hi Gwennie :D

Very happy with it thanks.

Yes that sounds along the same lines as mindfulness that I went on a course about and have put that into practice sometimes. I'm not always very good at it, with my mind wandering, but i did find it helpful with some things and may try and get back into it again.

Specks

Yes bud  total silence but thinking about your breathing.  3 hours in three nights  - that is worse than me - do you  not have your sleepy pills anymore?  I got from 10pm to 12.30pm last night and that was woopy doo for me.  Same all weekend as I did not have my usual bender bottles for zzzzz's but I am determined to lower to safe level.  No blooming wonder you were tempted - got to say the whiskey  would not occur to me, a glass of milk would though and maybe a choccie biccie thrown in for good measure.  My sis in law has no problem going downstairs at 2am and getting a G & T if she cannot sleep.  She is not AUD at all but sees no problem to help her drift off again.  It is so awful, think I need to log on to Insomnia forum actually.  I normally get 10 hours in 5 days.  Feel this for you BIG TIME.  Wish my hubs would not snore so much - just makes me more frustrated (even though not in the same room lol).

Yeah lucky you don't work - I work with hubs now in his business - but no pressure.  That is why I left my employment after 15 years, the lack of sleep and a really high pressured job which I did for ages, then the virtual tiredness just got me and bam hit me right in the face.  Life is too short for big stress.  And that is why I drank - coz I  felt like I could face the next onslaught day.  Double edged sword.`

Glad you didn't go for a snifter last night - but soo feel this for you.  Well I must say - you keep remarkably chipper and upbeat and always around to give your valuable advice - RESPECT my friend for it must be hard at times when your head is just about busting with tiredness.

10 hours sleep over 5 days I unreal...totally shocking how you lack sleep....I wake up at 5am or 0530am but sleep at 10pm or 1015pm and sleep solid.....just surprised...

Sheer bliss, just thinking about sleep. I've had 3 hours sleep in 3 days. I've tried everything, even sleeping tablets. Running, kick boxing, the gym and swimming. Nothing I just toss and turn. Now sleeping in my daughters old room so I don't disturb OH

You lucky b....r !  4.30am here and up and dressed - sick of lying in bed.  May as well go and do some gardening I suppose lol.

What sort of business is OH in. Don't know whether I could be with OH 24/7. Having said that he's retiring in a fortnight. I've already laid down ground rules. If I want to go shopping I will go. I've encouraged him to mix with,different groups at the golf club, so he'll play golf 3 times a week.

My darling stirring daughter suggested I join him and learn to play, and we ought to have matching jumpers!! Nooooooo way lol

Vicks - you in a matching jumper with hubby - I have never met you but that cracks me up - just won't happen lol.  I don't like golf - too slow for me, and when I had a game with OH (he does  not play as a hobby - just decided to give it a go and I went as well) it bored me so much that when I missed the hole AGAIN - I picked up the ball and put it in the hole. I got a resounding "you can't do that" ha ha ha - well I just did.

He has run his own  Sign Company for about 25 years and no sign of stopping as doing too well - but his aches and pains in back and knees make it awkward at times. So I am a dab hand at whisking ladders onto my shoulder and going up if I have to.  I sound like a bit of a geezer, so spose I am - but a posh one lol.

LOL 3 times a week golf - totally understand.  Too much time together gets annoying.  I love (even more now I am not drunk and over the limit next day) getting in the car and driving  fast - and with good music pretty loud.

Your daughter has your sense of humour - I am sure she is winding you up but then so would I - naughty I know.

Hoping you have a bit of kip tonight hun

...............G.

Matching jumpers! No thank you, it wouldn't go with my twinset, pearls and baked bean coloured tights. Can you remember them, think they were America. Tan shade.

Typical I had a snooze tonight, couldn't keep awake long enough to watch telly. Still two hours sleep is two hours. Now I have to go and wash our jumpers, ready for the weekend lol!!!

xxxxxx😄😄😄😄

Twin set and pearls - did you have curls like Hilda Ogden and have flying ducks on the wall lol lol.

American tan - they came in handy once - fan belt broke so whipped em off and OH fixed it - oh the memories

Two hours here also, boring boring long nights.

Hey ho another day another dollar.

G. xx

 

Oh yes my flying dicks are legend, they go with my Muriel on the wall. Always have my curlers in with a scarf over them and a fag on the go!

The fag bit is the only similarity, but not hanging out of my mouth.

Since I've not been drinking, my daily ciggies are less than half what I would normally smoke

OMG just seen Ive typed flying dicks are legend!! obviously I meant DUCKS!

​No doubt RHGB will have a comment to make about my typo haha

Can you hear me laughing...

Yes I can! I'm just glad I noticed it before anyone else did haha!

Matching jumpers? Lol Yep loved Howard and Hilda characters from Ever Decreasing Circles. That's what comes to mind when I think of matching jumpers. Did painstakingly knit hubby and myself Arran sweaters once. We did look a bit twee 😁 xx

Hope you are ok. We are xx

JulieAnne

Gwen loves her and hubbys matching jumpers, don't you Gwen?

It was actually my daughter winding me up cos my husband retires in a fortnight. I'm doing my best to keep him occupied on the golf course and not following me round like a lost puppy!

We're showing our age now, Howard and Hilda used to crack me up!

Trust your OH is still doing well with TSM. Campral working well again for me. The only time I've thought I could murder a drink, was when it was so hot sitting in a beer garden, but it soon passed

Good to hear Jules - love to you and hubs.  I knitted a jumper last year all by myself to prove I could (my Mum used to help when I got stuck) so I wanted to prove I could do it on my own.  I did and was really chuffed; all finished and I sewed it together and when it was done held it up for hubs to approve - but I had sewn one arm up and one arm down - would have been ok for an Irish Jig dancer ha ha ha..  Won't go there again - Took it to the charity shop - one wonders who bought it lol lol lol lol  xx

Not before I p++d myself laffin x

OMG that must have looked interesting.......hahahaha 😳 xx

Yep showing the old age Vicks. Hubby says he has suffered from anxiety for years, usually brought on by being in a crowd. He is now trying different methods to cope with it, rather than using alcohol xx

MATCHING GOLF CARDIGANS WITH FLOWER, GOLF CLUBS AND FLOWERS..brilliant!!

Excuse me young lady - don't have matching jumpers - just matching bed socks xx

I will not be taking up golf robin!!  Matching golf cardies with flowers, clubs with flowers, ooooh the mind boggles. Shopping, not always buying, is more my thing. One thing he can't stand is me wandering in and out of shops looking at clothes and not buying anything. Like a lot of men, shopping is right, I need this, where's nearest. Google shop, order using click and collect. Go to the shop/store collect item then home to play or set up latest gadget. Job done!!

Meanwhile, I've decided the first dress I saw was the best, so back we go!!

take it you're referring to my flying dicks being legend!!

Hi Gwennie

Yeah I can relate to that. Both of us meditate and are getting better at it. It does take practise. My mind just 'floats' its a weird sensation. Hubby is definately benefiting from it, as he is now having to cope with his anxiety without the alcohol. He is also doing tai chi silk, he says it's really helping him xx

10 hours in 5 days?! Gwen, my heart goes out to you. I would not be able to function on that poor amount of sleep. No wonder you used alcohol to try and help xx

3 hours sleep in three days?! God I never realised how lucky I am. I have the odd night where I will only have 4 or 5 hours because of my underactive thyroid, but I usually make up for the following night. I really don't know how you and Gwen cope, I would be completely batty. So very awful for you both xx

JulieAnne

and I'm even worse. Some nights I don't even sleep at all. Once I reach 2am, or 2.30am then I get up, have a shower as I know it will be a no sleep night. I've moved into my daughters old room with ensuite so I don't disturb the other two. Sorted out 3 kitchen cupboards at 4am this morning, then a load of ironing.

Ive ordered some tablets online that gwen recommended, so will see what they're like.

I don't know what I'd do if I had to work. Gp won't alter my sleeping tablets, all I get is "no-one ever died through lack of sleep"! very helpful

Hi Jules - yeah know the floating feeling - when really getting into it and am in the 'zone' I can't lift my arms they feel so heavy.  Lovely.  Anxiety is a nightmare and the alcohol does wonders for it (at the time of drinking) but not next day.  It just builds up and up until you feel like your head is going to burst,  but knocking it right down may leave me tired out but nowhere near as anxious.  Steady hands, win win

Your hubs is doing so well and doing tai chi is brilliant.  You also are worth your weight in gold for being so supportive.  Lovely couple.xxx

What a stupid statement for a gp to make. If you're driving or operating machinery you can die from lack of sleep.

Why do we keep having to go online for answers? Hope the tablets work xx

your GP sounds like a absolute prat!

He is also a family friend.

Hahaha and a good one! He says I need to get my endorfins going. My answer is well they must be stuck or not working properly. I go running, swimming, the gym, kick boxing, tennis, badminton and Nordic power walking. What else does he expect me to do? No caffeine after 4pm, stop smoking, stop whittling about silly things.

I don't work and I certainly don't need any more medication. He's halved my nitrazapam and says the sleep will sort itself out. If you lie awake for longer than 30mins, get up and do something

I actually find I sleep fine when not drinking, when I drink, it kind of keeps me going until about 3:00am. I went to bed at 1:00am last night and woke at 9.45am this monring.

I find watching TV actually helps, whereas if I go on the internet, it stimulates the mind and I'm wide awake.

That may well be where I'm going wrong. Never thought of that. I'm on my iPad in bed, like some people read a book. Will give it a go tonight. Another tip from RHGB! Thanks

books yes...I always read in bed and that helsp fer 5 pages....nod off quickly. Tablet in the morning at 0530am watching various thrillers after I wake up....books perhaps! Robin

B======s  - well got to be careful family friend - it wont sort itself - unless u experience this utter misery u wont know how bad it is - we have joked loads but  sleep deprivation is bad - not funny .

B======s to that it wont - Docs do not understand be it a friend or not - night after night with no sleep is horrendous -vicks - so feel it - I am bored with it.

Hi gwen

ive come to the conclusion that flippant remarks about lack of sleep won't kill you, you need to exercise more, cut out caffeine, don't use alcohol etc, are all said by people who fall asleep as soon as their head hits the pillow. 

Dont lie there awake for more than half an hour, get up and do something. Err what do you suggest I do at 3.30am? Start hoovering, steam clean laminate flooring!

The other morning 4.30am I ironed 20 shirts (DIL doesn't do ironing!) 15 tee shirts. Not very relaxing

I am serious about things like watching TV and not using the internet. Watching TV is passive, it requires little brain power and often you will find late at night that your brain starts drifting, which is its way of shutting down.

Going on the internet is active, it requires focus, attention and concentration. It stimulates your brain, which is the last thing you want to be doing at night. At this time of night, you should not be doing anything physically or mentally active.

PS Can I have your address please, I have a black sack of ironing to send to you, next time you can't sleep.

Oh defo no iPad in bed - bad bad bad.  Stimulating and also proven that the blue ray it gives off stimulates the brain as does the blue light from a TV on standby - so unplug if you have one in the room.  Read some boring trashy mag or relaxing book (not a murder mystery lol).