Do you get sick of saying 'I'm fine!'?

Yes most people don't believe that I have ME so when they say how are you I don't know what to say!

Hi Georgia,  I always say to people when they ask how are you doing !!

I say Hanging in there. Its hard when people say you look great , nice of them to say, I wish i felt that way too.

JACKIE

That does my head in so much Jackie when people say I look great but I don't feel great! I usually say thank you and want to hit them!

And an irritating variant is:

Nov 2014: you are looking great.

Mar 2015: you are looking great; so much better than the last time I saw you.

 

Arrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!  

Fine tightrope to walk, what to say to whom.

Yes, you really need to think how your words will affect the listener. You are not the Red Queen and can insist that you rwords mean whatever you intend them to mean.

I too find it a bit of a problem knowing just how to reaspond.Usually I will say I am fine thanks apart from being tired.

This is accepted,but with IBS and Agoraphobia,just like some other things these are not seen ,therefore you are deemed to be ok.I don`t have a close friend living in the locality,but if I did I would still porbably just say fine thanks.

You know we should all feel able to just say precisely how we are feeling ,yet I feel if we did I know ,for a fact I personally would feel guilty ,thinking I was putting my problems onto them.so how do we get round this ,anyone with sound ideas please do tell

millyimp

xx

I very much doubt if anyone wants a detailed description. However it is vital in the long run that you always give a true but brief indication as to how you are. It takes a lot of thought to start with. With practice you will become skilful.

Know what you mean, saying 'yes' is easier for them.

What's the point of giving true but brief indications when they can't help and it might unsettle them?

Yes you must make it easy for them. It is so difficult being healthy.

People really should THINK. That would be true politeness.

Lol George, so difficult being healthy, we should have a sarcasm thread?

I feel guilty telling people how bad it is. We're supposed to have a stupid british stiff upper lip, well my mum taught me that so it's hard to ask for help.

me to i find it reallyhard to ask for help because of the way i was brought up .

I told my GP that I find it realy difficult to tell her any of my symptoms. After telling the her the reason she made me promis to tell her of any change however small and she will decide if she needs to know or not.

this is the history I told her.

I was sent away to school aged 7 and hated it. I missed Mum and home cruelly. In the evening shortly after going to bed I got a really sore belly. I. went to Matron and was given Sodium bicarbonate . That soon fixed it.

Back home during the holidays the family doctor prodded my tummy and found no appendicitis. My mother gave me a stern lecture on calling wolf. After that I never complained of a sore tum again. I was still having the sore tums when at 17 years old I worked out at last that I had evening colic ( just like a baby)

By that time the habit of not complaining about anything was fixed.

I tend not to give details George,as has been said ,people really don`t want to know ,I believe we ask out of politeness.

But as for feeling guilty, I don`t tell my own family how I am at times,nor my Husband ,they all know what I have ,so no need to go into detail,but IF I do mention I am having an off day (which is not very often I do this ) I still feel guilty because they have their own health problems,so I would rather keep it to myself most of the time,rather than feel a burden by adding mine to theirs,

 

I know, and I can even turn up in the surgery with "I'm fine thanks" to the doctor. Absolutely crazy but that is what childhood training in being British does to you. Well, the might Empire Is gone and so has the White Man's burden with its stiff upper lip. We are out of date and need a new polite formula.

An invisible ailment like ME needs constant attention to develop a good reputation. "Yeh, fine thanks. An'U?" Does little in that direction.

When I was 6 the bully boy next door punched me in the stomach so I ran in to mum crying. She was hoovering and said 'Fight your own battles!'. Yes really!!!! 

A very good point George! By saying 'I'm fine' we're not doing anything for research and other people who get our conditions. 

I'd be interested to hear from people from other countries to see if they have the 'I'm fine' fault.

i had that all the time ,i faked 7 weeks of illness because i was being bullied so bad, but couldnt tell anyone because thats the sort of reply i would have got . when i went back to school this girl scratched my face from just inside my eye lid right down my cheek it was really sore and red and not one teacher even noticed .

That is the frustrating catch.

1. They ask out of convention and politeness

2. You answer conventionally, out of politeness

3. They form an opinion as to your state of health based on 2 above.

if we don't change our response we shall be reviled as shirkers etc. for ever.

If we do this with doctors it can be dangerous as well as annoying.