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Does anyone else feel like manic episodes destroy their life and cause damage beyond repair?

Posted , 9 users are following.

Dizzy88
Dizzy88

With my manic episodes, I feel like I'm in a constant cycle of having my life destroyed and having to start all over again. Does anyone else feel like this? Has anyone ever done or said anything whilst they've been unwell that has caused damage beyond repair? Over Christmas I had an episode where I ended up writing horrible things on social media about my partner and now his Mom refuses to see me and won't have anything to do with me, despite knowing I was unwell at the time. It's ruined my life and I don't know what I can do to make things better. It makes me feel sick and like I don't want to be here anymore. Will things ever improve and can I trust people to develop a level of understanding and compassion?

4 likes, 31 replies

31 Replies

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  • PokemonPokie
    PokemonPokie Dizzy88

    Posted

    YES.

    I do, nobody likes me.

    • PokemonPokie
      PokemonPokie

      Posted

      This is the O N L Y place left for me.

      I wonder for how long ❓

      Is there a A N Y W H E R E that I can go and be myself ❓❓❓❓❓

    • Swinging_Sister
      Swinging_Sister PokemonPokie

      Posted

      i like you  Poke. i just wish you would consider taking your medicine :}  but even when you are flying high, there is a sweetness in there.......
  • yvette4
    yvette4 Dizzy88

    Posted

    Too right you just say what your brain tells you to say, no matter how much hurt and damage you cause in the process.  I thought it was just me but obviously not.  Just start to surround yourself with people who understand.  Even the people who understand find it difficult sometimes.  Have you tried writing to your mum? even a leaflet sent to her explaining your condition might help.  Got to be worth a try.
  • samanthaknits
    samanthaknits Dizzy88

    Posted

    I think it's safe to say you're not alone here. This is why I want to rip my ears off whenever someone (typically with bipolar type 2) says that mania is great and they wish they could be manic all the time, like, no. 

    My most recent episode of mania caused me to lose my job, my home, the respect of many of those around me, my HAIR (I went full 2007 Britney Spears) and landed me in inpatient psychiatric care for 2 months.

    The only upside was that I was finally diagnosed as bipolar and 4 months and 1,200 mg of lithium a day later I'm starting to build a new life for myself out of the salvaged scraps of my old one.

    • Dizzy88
      Dizzy88 samanthaknits

      Posted

      Hello, thank you for your comment.

      I'm really sorry to hear you had such a bad time, but good that you're getting help now.

      My only advice to you with regards to people's reactions is that if they can't be understanding then they aren't worth having in your life. Everyone has ups and downs and we all fall down sometimes. It's through no fault of your own that all that happened to you and if people can't show some empathy then that's their problem not yours.

      I really hope everything's is on the up for you now. X

    • Swinging_Sister
      Swinging_Sister samanthaknits

      Posted

      I have to say that i just want to cringe or punch someone when they talk about their mania's, also. and i am bipolar 2.  but they have sure caused me so much grief and shame over my life that do not think i will ever get over it. and i have tried. i am 59, and they started at 29. you would think that i could cut myself a break after 30 years, but the path of destruction was just too deep for every one in my life.  you know i actually lost my hair, too, but i always thought it might be meds, rather than stress from an episode......    please just find a way for you to build your life without taking it with you. don't suffer your entire life for a number of episodes, no matter how bad they are.....best to all.

    • Alwaysalone
      Alwaysalone Swinging_Sister

      Posted

      Hey Swinging Sister...long time no read.

      You know my story; same as yours pretty much, but i have to say that i prefer to be manic than so down, dark and depressive.

      Neither is good as far as i'm concerned, and both have caused me loss and hell in many ways, both differently, but loss and hell nonetheless.

      I've been stuck in both for a while now and it's not nice. Not nice at all.

      A lot of people prefer the mania because it lifts them and gives them some feeling of purpose, whereas the deep depression offers no hope whatsoever.

      Everyone is different and if those that prefer mania find some relief from the teary, bed-ridden darkness we all know, then they should be able to find that "escape", if only for a short time, without criticism or anger of others.

      BPD has taken everything except one son from me, as you know, and knowing what i know, seeing what i've seen, feeling what i have and do feel, and doing what i've done, i hope these people that make you cringe get some relief from the pain this disorder brings with it, especially as it seems to worsen with age.

      I learnt a long, long time ago not to judge people because you have no idea of their battles or hell; they could be worse than yours.

      All the best.

    • Swinging_Sister
      Swinging_Sister Alwaysalone

      Posted

      Hi there, there is a pattern forming here, you are right!  i think that it may be something about my age now, where i used to have manias that were more hypomanic in nature, but in the end, they seemed to always turn into something bad......   as i would make mistakes, or get loud, or be judgemental!!!  i am on a lot of websites like this, and i do hear people say that they love their manias, and my heart goes out for them, because i think they will eventually turn out to be just as hard in the end.  it's just different.  but if you had told me that when i was 25 years old i would not have listened to anything that anyone tried to tell me. i was too busy knowing it all.....   i have to laugh at myself, or i will just be donw. So  try to be in humor, but it doesn't always work smile  have a great day. I happen to be all alone for the next two days, and i am really looking forward to it!  LOL    thank you for your support.

    • Alwaysalone
      Alwaysalone Swinging_Sister

      Posted

      I think it's true that things worsen with age, especially bpd, but differently than when i was younger. It seems to have taken more of a stance but mellowed in some ways.

      Does that make sense?

      I no longer enjoy being alone; it leaves me with too much time to think without interruption and leaves me alone with me.

      I don't like this me; the bpd me, or the pd me.

      I think way too much and my head seems to go quicker.

      But i hope you really enjoy your two days. It sounds like you don't get them often...

      Have fun.

      All the best.

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