Don't belittle Menopause
Posted , 19 users are following.
I like this forum because people come in with various issues that are discussed and a lot of useful information shared.
Recently i had a bad experience where one of the people replying to a post was dismissive of Menopause, said it was not "a disease" and will "go away". He/She was judgmental saying people were "moaning" about problems and they should only be "positive" the person was telling people how they should and should not feel. The person also mockingly suggested that Menopause is making us women get angry etc, thereby belittling an entire gender in the old fashioned way of resorting to Menopause and PMS when they run out of arguments
I feel this is a forum where people should be allowed to vent, complain, share, discuss, joke, protest, whine etc as long as it makes them feel better, without people dictating how we should be feeling. It is a trying phase in our lives and it is not always easy to go on "being positive" like a programmed robot. We are humans. I like the information i get here. i also think the more we demand the more the medical community will spend on researching and helping this condition.
How many of you agree?
16 likes, 61 replies
Edell7329 mee16031
Posted
Amen sister!! I couldnt agree more! I have seen several posts on here recently being dismissive and it was very upsetting to me as well. I responded as such. We all have different experiences with this and im happy for the people that are breezing thru but i come on here to feel like im not alone and to be able to share with people that understand and for the most part it has been great, but when someone says we are just "complaining" its so upsetting. I am open to suggestions and help just not a dismissive attitude! Thanks for letting me vent and hugs to all!
jackie62384 mee16031
Posted
Totally agree with you, it's good to have these sites so we can relate to each other and sometimes that's all we need. to know we are not alone. so to ever that was complaining they want to lighten up and mind their own businesses.
Guest mee16031
Posted
Well meno might not be a disease but it sure can make you feel like you have one or indeed cause other diseases to form or flare. I really didnt know what was going on with me and not sure where I'd be today if my daughter hadn't found this forum for me. And I'll continue to support women on here any way I can.
I didn't see the posts you are referring to but I think the person was probably trying to motivate and not belittle. But maybe they just don't realize how physically and mentally sick some of us really are?
pam90720 Guest
Posted
i know exactly to whom she is referring to!
Guest Guest
Posted
Yes, I know her - she was trying to motivate. She has motivated me and others with vulvodynia to embark on the long road to becoming pain free. I think her intentions were misinterpreted by Mee and others
Sassyr12a mee16031
Posted
Hi mee
I agree with you too, it's a tricky fine line between trying to stay positive and coming across as if it's nothing. I think rather than analyse it I just like to put across my opinion in the most positive /constructive way I can without causing offence. Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much! 😊 But we all come here knowing that our opinions will differ and that some posts will cheese us right off and others will support.... Its the nature and point of a forum. I think if people are likely to be offended by the approach or opinion of others.... A forum is probably not the place to be! As long as everyone comes from a good place, the rest can be sorted xx
mee16031 Sassyr12a
Posted
When someone says cancer deserves the research money as opposed to Menopause research then i wonder why that person is here in the first place!
Sassyr12a mee16031
Posted
Guess the reasoning is that cancer can literally kill you and menopause just feels like it will xx
Guest mee16031
Posted
She said the complete opposite - she said that things like dementia and menopause have received less research attention and funding than cancer because they affect people later in life and cancer affects people of all ages, including children (I guess she would know about this because she is a dementia researcher). She said something needed to be done to address this imbalance because no one should suffer, whatever their age. I agree that older people should not just be written off and allowed to suffer just because they are nearer the end of life. Didn't you read her messages properly?
I too know about imbalances in funding. I used to work for the RNIB (Royal National Institute of Blind People, for those not in the UK ) and the charity had far less donations than Guide Dogs for the Blind simply because the latter involved dogs.
Guest Sassyr12a
Posted
I like it! It is always good to keep a sense of humor. And remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!
mee16031 Guest
Posted
"Better to spend the money on finding cures for actual conditions or diseases such as cancer, which do not eventually go away on their own"
These as you know were her/his exact words!
When i called her/him out on it she/he changed tracks completely!
It's good for you if she/he helped you. But read my thread, she/he has gone from saying people are moaning about Menopause to being all sympathetic suddenly.
Anyway that's hardly the point. I just feel people should not be made to feel bad about their emotions, told they are moaning or that they are not being positive enough. That's hardly the aim of this forum i should think.
Edell7329 mee16031
Posted
your 100% right!!
Guest mee16031
Posted
Like I said, it is difficult to tell someone's true meaning from a message. I read it as she was trying to explain the attitude of the medical community, not her own personal attitude (as you had assumed) and she tried to explain this later on (which you took as her changing track). So what if she didn't explain herself very well at the beginning - you are the one preaching tolerance on here. Why do you keep saying "he"? How could a man know so much about vulva issues and help so many women with them if they were a man?!?!?! I don't know how she finds the time. Without her help, I and others would still be suffering the horrendous pain of vulvodynia.
And to be fair, you were having a moan! But there is nothing wrong with that, if that is your way of coping. Like she said, that approach that was not her preference, nor is it for many other women. Have you seen the 'good vibes only' menopause discussion, it is getting quite popular. Everyone is different. Just because some of us women prefer to cope by finding the upside doesn't make us men. You have the followers of your approach to coping in this discussion and followers of the other approach are on the good vibes discussion. Each to their own, as they say.
pam90720 mee16031
Posted
excellent post!! i agree 1000 percent!!!!
❤❤❤
bev27429 mee16031
Posted
Menopause isn't a disease, and it will go away, but that doesn't mean that the symptoms, both physical and psychological, aren't incredibly brutal in some women.
I have been told that about 20% of women have almost no or no symptoms, 60% have mild to moderate symptoms, and the final 20% have severe and debilitating symptoms. Translation: many women suffer greatly through this period of their lives and are just trying to survive.
Yes, it's important to try to remain positive, but sometimes that just isn't possible.
I am incredibly strong (an entrepreneur, a competitive athlete, and a woman who has certainly known her share of adversity), but I have been floored and dumb-founded by how brutal perimenopause has been for me.
My advice is to simply ignore those individuals who try to belittle this stage in women's lives, for they just don't have the capacity, nor the experience, to truly understand the difficulties that some women face.