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Down the Rabbit Hole...AGAIN!...ugh

Posted , 17 users are following.

Indifferent
Indifferent

The first time was horrible...the second time is downright scary because I know what's coming.  I had two very bad years that almost destroyed both me, and my marriage.  This past year has been pretty good...the anxiety diminished, the mood swings weren't prominent.  But I'm slipping right back into it now...and I cannot do that again!

My husband told me yesterday that if something doesn't change we won't last.  I CAN'T CHANGE IT!!

With all the times he has broken my heart in the past 25 years by never being there...but he is not willing to go through this trip with me again.  I think it is because he cannot stand being criticized ... and well, these days I am critical.  I am having a hard time even liking him...and I *know* it's hormones.  But i can't stop.

I am back to the brain fog...not being able to get anything done at home.  Not happy at home.  Last week I hooked up my camper and left for a week to "get out of his hair"  I told him.  But I can't get out of my own!!!

And I will never make it on my own...financially or otherwise.  I have always been a stay at home wife.  There is no possible way I can find a job in this state of mind...I can't even get done the things i already know how to do!  never mind trying to learn anything new.

The only thing I can think of is avoiding home so that *he* doesn't get bitched at.  So that *he* doesn't get upset with me.  If I am not here when he is, he won't get in trouble right?  Avoidance, to save my marriage...who woulda thought?

Ugh...

I just needed to vent.  And i'm scared.  And i am feeling so alone and confused AGAIN!  I hate this.

3 likes, 23 replies

23 Replies

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  • Guest
    Guest Indifferent

    Posted

    My deepest sympathies. I’ve just had a fallout with my partner over him flirting with our blonde, blue-eyed neighbour. Am I overreacting? Probably. They share a mutual love of gardening and I get hay-fever and burn in the sun.  He says I’m in a foul mood and it’s to do with my periods and the menopause and back to work on Monday blues.  Again, he’s probably right. I’d normally shrug it off. 

    If he knows why though, you’d think he’d make allowances. I’m having my second period this month, having stopped for 3 months. This is the third false alarm in the last 2 years. 

  • junieju
    junieju Indifferent

    Posted

    What is your doctor doing, 

    Are you getting any support at all?

    Is it really all your fault ?

    Junie

    • Indifferent
      Indifferent junieju

      Posted

      I don't have the greatest doctor...and I have not gone to see him about any of this...and will not.  I do not want to go the HRT or BIO route, that just prolongs the issue as far as I understand...and from what I read, many times solves nothing sad  

      Support...none.  But I have been going back to my hometown much more often where I know I am loved by everyone.  Here all I have really is my husband and inlays...and well, you know inlaws are not family.

      Is it all my fault...well considering 'over the years' no.  A lot of it is just not being put up with anymore, thanks to raging hormones, lol!

       

    • junieju
      junieju Indifferent

      Posted

      You don’t have to have hrt, I have never had it.

      You need support, or time out for you.

      If going to your home town makes you feel good then go. 

      You really do need love  and understanding.

      If your husband can not see that, then he is a fool.

      I am sure you would support him.

      Look after you. Is there a group you can go to.

      Junie

  • dora_39625
    dora_39625 Indifferent

    Posted

    One thing I have learnt with perimenopause is that it makes you honest. Suddenly, we become more opinionated and speak our mind. Is that really such a bad thing?

    Depending on the severity of the situation, I think not.

    Has your husband attempted to help you or even listen to you?

    It's not alot to ask for and isn't that what a partnership is all about?

    Supporting, understanding and helping each other.

    I hope things her better for you and you receive the support that you need.

    • Indifferent
      Indifferent dora_39625

      Posted

      Oh Dora you are right...it does make one honest...in a brutal way at times.  My husband walks away when he gets upset with me.  He doesn't argue...never raises his voice...just goes silent for a few days, and wishes I would disappear.  So sometimes i just leave for a few days, if he isn't talking to me.

    • dora_39625
      dora_39625 Indifferent

      Posted

      Bless you. You shouldn't have to disappear. It's not fair.

      Perimenopause is the worst thing ever. It's bad enough for a woman going through it. I still don't understand it. It's completely life changing.

      I sincerely hope you and your husband work your way through the menopause made and come up trumps x

    • dora_39625
      dora_39625

      Posted

      * maze that should read x
  • menopolized
    menopolized Indifferent

    Posted

    Im also going down that road for the second time. Its true what many ladies have said ---it comes back with a vengence....just when you thought you had survived it...its awful 
    • Indifferent
      Indifferent menopolized

      Posted

      Ugh...I am so afraid.  The last rabbit hole was like going to hell and back.   If this one is worse I am not sure I will even survive it.  sad
  • gilly_64426
    gilly_64426 Indifferent

    Posted

    I hear you sister, I had this argument yesterday with my husband while traveling from 🇨🇦 to New Jersey, it was a long drive and my husband was harassing me about the lack of sex in our relationship, and how he is fed up because, I'm not trying and that when I'm feeling good and I want it, he has no problem but when I don't feel well, I don't try.

    I can't get over my feelings when my anxiety hit, or my pain in my breast and legs, I can't just put it out of my mind and have sex😑 ugh,

    I get why many women over 50 are now single , don't want to deal with this along with everything else

    • kelly55079
      kelly55079 gilly_64426

      Posted

      Yes, I too understand why older women are single.   At this point, I believe I would be happier on my own doing my own thing.. 
    • Indifferent
      Indifferent gilly_64426

      Posted

      I totally get why they are single too.  My husband has friends going through this, and getting separated, buying Harleys.  And I think he is getting tempted to join them.  I am honestly fearful of ever separating from him though.  He has a lot of good things about him...and I am terrified of having to try and financially support myself.  i also don't ever want to have to take from him to survive.  But he is getting fed up...and I might be left with no choice.  I am so confused.  All this past crap coming out of the spiderwebs in my head.

      I am having a hard time with the sex thing too.  I try not to say no...but sometimes you are right...the last thing I want is his hands on my terribly aching boobs!  And the rest of it i can do without too!

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