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Drinking every day...

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peter97822
peter97822

Hello. I've just signed up here because I thought it might help to acknowledge somewhere, in some small way, that I have a problem with alcohol. And maybe compare notes with other people and their experiences. I'm not ready to tell friends and family yet. I'm in my late 30s and for a long time (4 years) I have been drinking something every day (with very occasional alcohol free spells) - it varies between 2-6 cans each night. Always just in the evening. The daily amount I consume isn't enormous - but over time it's become a seemingly unbreakable habit, and of course I worry about the long term health effects. I've got used to waking up with a woolly head or a hangover. My mind has an incredible duality - every morning I resolve to stop but by the evening I crave it all over again. I get so frustrated with my lack of self control. It's not social drinking - I live alone and most of my drinking is done alone. Often I'll even find myself turning down social invitations because drinking alone in my flat seems so much more pleasurable (I'm a shy and very socially anxious chap). On my own there's no-one to raise an eyebrow, or suggest that I've had enough. It's like the ultimate love/hate thing. Nothing, absolutely nothing, can de-stress me quite like alcohol - but I also know this effect is temporary and that my stress will often come back worse in the morning. I'm concerned about quitting altogether because then my friends will want to know why - and I'll have to admit that there was a problem. It feels shameful somehow. I feel my relationship with alcohol is very different to that of other people; for example I'm always amazed when I see people with half drunk bottles of wine in the fridge. If I ever have any alcohol in the house with me it gets drunk that same day! Anyway, I'm going to try and quit, starting today. I'll let you know how I get on : )

10 likes, 182 replies

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  • matthew7979
    matthew7979 peter97822

    Posted

    I can give one piece of advice. I'm starting my sixth month of sobriety today. I joined a gym and working out helps a bunch. The only thing I really have to say is you don't ever have to tell your friends anything if you don't want to.  I've told a select group of people who have supported me. others do not need to know period. You're trying to get healthy for you no one else. Good luck. 
    • peter97822
      peter97822 matthew7979

      Posted

      Thank you, and congrats on six months of sobriety! You're right I think, it's my decision and I don't owe people explanations for it. I know it might help me a bit if, like you, I were to tell a select few people - close friends who could support me. ..
  • YLT
    YLT peter97822

    Posted

    Hi. Your situation sounds similar in some ways to my own. I eventually got sick of thinking about stopping drinking and just did it. That was 133 days ago.  I'd never previously gone more than 2 weeks without a drink since the age of 17.  I'm about the same age as you. 

    Things that helped were this forum, also I'd recommend 'Mrs D is going without' (Google it). A blog by a boozy housewife in NZ who quit. It takes you through from day 1 for a whole year and it's really helpful and inspiring. I'd also recommend Jason Vale's book 'kick the drink easily'. 

    I honestly never thought I could stop drinking and when I first quit I thought it'd be for a week or a month but it actually gets easier. I've also started running which reduces stress for me more than drinking ever did, and the joy of never having a hangover never gets old. 

    Good luck. 

    • matthew7979
      matthew7979 YLT

      Posted

      I have to agree and second the no hangovers!
    • peter97822
      peter97822 YLT

      Posted

      Hey thanks for your message - and congrats on your 133 days and counting! Gives me hope. I've downloaded that Jason Vale book onto my Kindle, it looks like a good one - will check out the other one too. I'll keep you updated!
    • gwen45436
      gwen45436 suzanne96368

      Posted

      Where has this post popped up from - given me a giggle anyway. 

      Reading through the thread - the book called Mrs D is really good.  Down to earth and funny in places smile x................G.

  • linda83143l
    linda83143l peter97822

    Posted

    Hi,

    One group is UNITY its an non judgemental service for people with alcohol or drug problems.

    Another is CADAS,though that may just be Cumbria.

    A.A. is a useful organisation to help with alcohol problems.

    Your GP can prescribe Nalfemee (Selinco) to help with the cravings.

    Your GP can put you forward for counselling, that may help to talk things through.

    Hope this helps

    With love, Linda xx

    • peter97822
      peter97822 linda83143l

      Posted

      Thanks Linda I'm going to look into those things. 48 hours since I had a drink and I'm feeling pretty good. It was good to have a decent nights sleep last night, and waking up feeling clear headed was almost a completely alien feeling. In a good way! Thanks again for helping me. P x
  • peter97822
    peter97822

    Posted

    I thought I'd write a little update. Writing stuff on here helps and does seem to make things feel more real. It was so nice and touching that people responded and gave me advice before, in time I'd like to think I might be able to offer some advice to other on here too.

    I've been sober about two weeks now, brief though this is, it feels like longer. There have of course been moments when I've really wanted a drink but mostly I've been able to focus on the benefits. Better sleep, generally happier and less 'grey' days - plus a feeling of achievement.

    I read the book (recommended by someone on this thread) 'Mrs D is having a break'. It was really good for me to read the account of someone else very similar to me. She held down a job, functioned normally and didn't have a 'rock bottom' type crisis. She just realised it was escalating and she needed to stop. I think to use her terminology I am currently entering the 'pink cloud' period where I have a growing sense of achievement and I'm starting to see the benefits of a sober life. But it's good in a way to know that this can in some ways be just a kind of illusion, a halo of self-pride only a step away from the 'maybe I'm safe to return to social drinking now' thing (which has already popped into my mind on a number of occasions!) For myself, I know the real make or break in my sobriety won't be these first few weeks, it will be how I cope when I have a really truly awful day at work. Only when I'm tested by life will I know how strong I can be. But at least I'm preparing my mind for this.

    I told a few friends and family I'm stopping (without giving reasons). Most are unbothered, which is a good response, exactly what I want. One friend, who I haven't seen in person for a while, told me he'd given up too because his drinking was becoming a problem - I guess this shows it's all more common than I realise. My brother doesn't seem to understand, he said it was a bit weird to give up altogether, but then neither he (nor anyone really) knew how bad it had got behind closed doors because I never shared it. Also, my anxiety counsellor, who I thought would have been the first person to praise a decision to address my alcohol worries head on (they must be a factor in the increase in my stress and anxiety of the last two years) - furrowed his brow and said he questioned whether abstinence was 'overkill'. Just goes to show, you never know how people are going to respond!

    • PaulJTurner1964
      PaulJTurner1964 peter97822

      Posted

      You are doing well! Keep going Peter smile

      I am seriously shocked that a specialist in anxiety is not aware of the fact that alcohol both causes anxiety and makes pre-existing anxiety worse. He ought to be encouraging you and, if he didn't know how much of an issue alcohol is for you, he hasn't been asking you the right questions smile

  • YLT
    YLT peter97822

    Posted

    Good work on 2 weeks. I'm glad the Mrs D story helped you too. She also runs a website called Loving Sober which has a forum and lots of good advice. The pink clouds high is great. It's like rediscovering what the world is like when you're not drunk or hungover or thinking about the next time you can get drunk!

    There will be tests and it will be hard at times but when you get a strong craving just distract yourself, or have a 0.0% bottle of Bavaria lager, or a ginger beer, or go for a run, or eat something. The craving really does pass and then you'll be so pleased you didn't have a drink.

    I'm approaching 5 months now and it's actually getting less challenging as time goes on. Stick with it. Honestly, if I can stop drinking anyone can as I was bloody hopeless with the booze!! 

  • YLT
    YLT peter97822

    Posted

    That should be Living Sober, not Loving Sober. 
    • healthyone23
      healthyone23 YLT

      Posted

      In my case, Loving Sober works just as well as my poor husband takes the brunt of my drinking...
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