Drunk again

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Ugh...very stressful therapy appt. yesterday...seems when I get confimration that I am scr*wed up...I take that to limit..a good excuse to DRINK. I was so beside myself yesterday...I owe 3000 to the government..I'm trying to be approved for disability...the process is dragging.

​I needed a firm diagnoisis to support my claim. I went in like a raving maniac and said my medication is not working.  I told them I am not exaggerating my symptoms..they did agree that I have been in treatment FOREVER...more than 10 years.

​they diagnosed me with BPD...so I took that as an excuse..that no one is medicating me appropriately..nor have they been for many years...so lets get DRUNK...and i have done a good job of it..at bar last night..karooke...and first thing this a.m. beer to feel better. UGH.

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  • Posted

    My heart goes out to you, Misssy.  It's a terrible situation to be in and I hope you manage to get it sorted out sooner rather than later.

    Be careful with that drink....I can quite understand why you are drinking though.

    Take care,

    Pat.

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  • Posted

    Aw poor thing 😔 any little thing in my life makes me think sod it I'll have a drink. And I do exactly the same - drink so much I feel like death the next morning so drink some more to take away the hangover etc.

    What are you been treated for in your therapy if you don't mind me asking? I get well bad depression and have bad family history but no rape or big stuff if that makes sense.

    Please please try not to feel so bad. When things are low for me I try think hey fate is in control and hopefully it will get better. Doesn't mean jack in the darkest of times I know but try hold on there. You must be damn strong to be pulling through after so many years right!!! Xxxxx

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    • Posted

      She said Borderline Personality Disorder...yea, the pattern...feel like death...drink more...stupid...really.  I took my nap and first thing....up for a beer...cause I still felt like crap. sad
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    • Posted

      Don't take too much notice of the labels they give you, Misssy. 

      What matters is how you are coping....and you aren't at the moment. 

      Hang on in there, take whatever help they offer you, but do not let them drive you to drink more, that won't get you anywhere.

      I am keeping you in my thoughts.

      Pat.

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    • Posted

      Hi smile.

      I wanted a label....I wanted an explanation for the way I feel.

      ​But, when I think about it...you go on any support group page..and EVERYONE has mental issues and labels...I am no different....but I feel that this feeling is real..whereas before I thought...EVERYONE is sick and i'm no different..but I feel different...ill...most of the time...worse when drinking...but still bad when sober.

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  • Posted

    One little blip, Misssy. Gather yourself and get back on the horse, you can do it! Don't beat yourself up about it. It's not your fault.
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    • Posted

      Thanks Ade...tommorow is another day...I will do it...I have to...I hate this feeling.
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    • Posted

      I do love my sobriety...but when I am sober...I have so many hyper active issues..that I can't calm my body down.  The therapist said yesterday "you are all over the place"....that was the predicesor to me drinking...I knew I was going to drink...she apparantley did not know or I would have been called for a "random" test today...Thank God they didn't call.

      ​But, I am going to have to tell her I drank...cause it only helps in my therapy.

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  • Posted

    Hi Misssy,

    It's very brave and open of you to share your current problems with us. I understand why you did it and my heart goes out to you. A cursed problem we have indeed.

    Some people seem to be able to sort out their drinking problems quickly but for others, it takes a long time and we can never be sure if we're getting the right advice. No-one really knows what goes on behind closed doors (by that, I mean mainly what is churning around in our heads).

    There are so many sayings, habits, tricks, advice and so on that helped me by being selective about taking things a step at a time and putting things into perspective. It doesn't seem that way now for you but dare I say that things aren't often as bad as they seem.

    The practical issues facing you I don't doubt have been covered by many on this forum. I don't know which route you're taking as your plan for recovery but the best plan in the world is only of use if you start on the journey with determination and persistance.

    You know for sure that our resolve weakens after a few drinks....... I guess that's why you ended up in the karaoke bar. I guess you know most of the techniques to avoid dangerous situations but sometimes we........ well, we sometimes forget and do silly things.

    Well, the object of the excercise is now for you to get back on the straight and narrow and all you can do it to put this down as another learning experience and put it behind you. Most of us do it again and again and again until we get on the starting blocks to recovery.

    We all get down from time to time - we're entitled to; the best way to feel down is when we're sober. Then, we know it will pass; we can't be happy all the time.

    Take your time, get yourself sorted slowly but surely, you can't change everything in a day and get back on track.

    Best wishes, Colin. 

       

     

     

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    • Posted

      Thank you for the thoughtful reply.

      ​Its amazing how fast the emotions get messed up again.  Feeling like theres no hope...etc. I know there is hope...but my mind today is having me really down.

      ​So..today I have to go thru the motions of whatever it brings with a hangover....the beer is inches away from me...but I can not drink it.

      ​you would think the main reason I can't drink it would be for my health...but my main reason is I don't want to test positive for alcohol with my therapist.   And even if I don't drink today, tommorow or Sunday...if they call me on Monday...it can show up...its an 80 hour detection test.

      ​Thanks again for all the reminders I needed today.

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    • Posted

      Good luck Misssy,

      I'm sure you can do it - you have a goal to aim for. I suppose the reason why you won't drink it doesn't matter at this stage. Just try your best not to. If you feel a very strong craving, pour it down the sink.

      The benefits of attending on Monday far outweigh the trouble it will cause if you do drink.

      Best wishes......... take it easy. Colin.

       

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