drunk again

I'm going to TRY....I know drinking another day would just kill me more.

I feel horrible of course..3 days drinking, no other fluids and no food.

yes, I'm going to HOPEFULLY not drink today.

Aww that's sad to read but understandable.  Everyone on here knows what you mean.  It is a hard fact that trying to keep off it is a living nightmare. 

It sure is for me - alcohol is life to me and not the same without it.  Wish I hated it.  I can cut it down but not out all together.  Get some home made soup down you - force it down.  That is what I do, and I will make smoothies with 2 or 3 fruits.  Rooting for you hun x

Gweny.

Thanks gwen...yea, I won't be forcing any food, I already know that...and I don't know why....but I have a plan for tommorow....I guess.....

Possibly boil some eggs and get one of those down later.

Thank you for your concern.

These posts are incredible - brutal brutal honesty which I admire so much.  We all seem to have valid reasons for drinking.  My daughter fell out with her dad 20 years ago and then fell out with me (not drink related - I had a handle on it then) - she has gone on to have 4 children and I have never seen them nor spoke to them.  She has made sure of that because I didn't leave her dad and set up home with her.  She has made me pay.  I have tried to get her to talk to me but it is not going to happen.  My friend just recently got hold of her via her works (she is an Alzeimer Support worker) and asked her to meet up for a chat but she would not agree.  The fact that she is happy for me to die and never see her again kills me.  So I drink!  We all have a story to tell on here and I am grateful to share and listen to you all.  It is like a lifeline.  Thanks to all of you.

Misssy - you have had very encouraging words for me recently, I send them back to you - you have done far far better than I have and can do again.  Big hugs to  you all.

G.

OMG...Thank you for sharing your SAD story of your grandchildren...I felt SO alone in that aspect....You just gave me a little bit of justification THAT....its not just ME.

Most people can NOT understand what it is like to have a child say to you that you are DEAD to them.  Over a choice of men?  There were so many girlfriends my sons had that I didn't approve of...but I still let them flop out at my house....I still gave them respect.

And YES...that was my trigger this time...people call reasons to drink an excuse....Well, I couldn't take the pain of being rejected at the gym Thursday afternoon when I ran into my son....I TRIED....I didn't drink Thursday...but all I did was cry....all I thought about was wanting to not be alive...just to see how HE would feel then....every corner I turned Thursday was a memory or a trigger to cry.

Friday...I had enough...I became ANGRY and thought I will DRINK AT HIM.  I had planned on sending a text on his phone explaining what he was doing to me....This kid...with all his heart doesn't want me to drink...So I wanted to HURT HIM BACK and tell him I was drinking because of HIM.

gwen..I'm not doing better than you or anyone here...that is still drinking...I am so much worse...I abuse my body to no end when I drink..I refuse to feed it or nutrure it with fluids.

I just sit here...smoke...and drink.

Right now it is about 85 degrees at 1130 in the morning..and my hands are FREEZING....no circulation...apparantely...I have a robe on....I haven't showered today....I feel like CRAP....

I am craving fried chicken right now..but too drunk already to drive and get it...and the thought of my b/f getting it for me...is just a fantasy. 

So, I will either decide to drive drunk and get it...or I won't be eating.

I'm so sorry you have never seen your grandchildren..that just blows me away...and prepares me for what I am in for my grandaughter...I'm going to go steal a pic and post it.

He's a handsome lad, Misssy.

Pretty lady.

both my kids are handsome...don't we all think that? LOL.

Handsome but not giving of the heart like their Mom...and I DONT get that...well maybe they are to others..but they are treating me like sh*t.

And alcohol...makes us unpretty.

I'm working on that...getting drunk and making myself unpretty.....STUPID.

i believe in this picture i was only a week sober...I have genes that I bounce back..and my friends are concerned..my time for that is running out.

Oh Gawd - what a handsome fam.  When was the last time you saw the children.  - Boy they are cute.

Well knock me down with a feather - my mates always say I am spooky and a white witch - this is how I visualised you.  Far too attractive to give in - my lovely Mum who has passed to Spirit always had a saying "Don't let the b.....s grind you down."  If she were still here and I told her the state I have got myself into - I would get a real old telling off.  I think we both need a real old telling off Mrs lol x

Looks like you - pretty darn good looking. x

The big family I saw at Christmas last year.

My youngest..just the other day..

The big family..I bought all their presents so they didn't have to stress with money..stupid me;...I got no credit for the awesome metal detector I got my grandson...

Pretty or cute..doesn't equal happiness...I've always been deemed cute...but life is not treating me so cute...and I am cooking chicken that I am not particulary liking the outcome.

However, the macaroni salad..is good...I made it from left over boxes of mac and cheese..minus the cheese.

added tuna and onion.....maybe I will eat some.

thank YOU for being here for me today gwen..it means alot.

im a white witch too..whatever that means.

I can be very hard to deal with.

Last night on this forum or another one..8 of my posts got deleted...I think cause I was really beligerant...and sick of people complaining of small things..

Or what I consider to be small.

Ha ha you plonker - you are a White Witch - but dont know what it is - you make me pee - funny - but hey it means that you are a bit different and that you can get into people's minds - which I can do - so many people have said to me - "you know me better than I know myself" you are weird lol - well yes I do and I can.  I am a Pisces - intuitive but also addictive - bummer on that last bit.  Don't give  in to this madness - I can see into your picture - you have got much unhappyness but also balls that will keep you in this world - as have I.  Don't know what time it is for you at the mo - it is 8pm here - but if you havn't eaten - GET SOMETHING I DEMAND - you are no good to us guys here with alcohol and no food - soak up the booze and then let's start over (I'm sure there is a song in there somewhere - C'mon girl we are in this together) sharing and caring......................Gwenny x

ok..because of YOU..i went and forced a chicken leg.

It was good but it was torture..

food is so good..and I can feel a bit of sanity returning..prior to eating that little leg..I was so beside myself...throughout the night..I hope to eat some of the macaroni salad I made which was good too....

Thank you Gwen..for being a friend today...

Im an ARIES...super stubborn.....my stomach although not happy with the "grease" is taking in the food...and I can feel it.

although I think my life is tough right now..I know I have it better than most..and definetly better than my children...but there is no saving anyone right now..

IF I can't save myself.

 

its only 4pm here..I want to sleep after the chicken leg...which is a good idea if I want no more beer.

But i know when I wake up at 7...i will want more beer...and I have about 3 left out of 12....so I guess...I will then drink them...and wait it out till tommorow..hoping for the strength to stop period!

 

water is super important...and we ran out..so I filled a bottle...that I need to get out...and put it next to me for whenever I fall asleep.

 

Im still around hun - no stoppin u at the mo - just go for it - know your mind set - not wanting advice - dont blame u - sucks this dont it babe x

I have had a bottle of wine but dont want any more - need a pint of milk and a bowl of cornflakes - hey rock n roll or what - chin up girl x

your right..cause no advice will help me out of this hole until I realize...that so much anger is keeping me here.

How to deal with anger is really hard for me..my boyfriend is talking to his damn self...trying to figure out my bathroom floor.  I have NO patience for this any longer.

Get me a floor or get away from me....Corn flakes are supposed to be the best of the night time snacks...so enjoy!

 

my white witch is very alert...I said get more beer...and cigs..that won't happen..I will wake up shaking..and sick...alone again...

but the floor may be done a little bit further and then I know he won't be able to stop with the floor cause it will bother HIM.

 

Misssy I'm around if you want to chat. I won't give you advice cos you know what I would say xx

Hey u - white witch is alert n watchin u - u get food n water u hear - got to babes pleaseeeeee.

ok..so I need to stop..period.

going to sleep..that seems to be the answer

Ha ha  sounds funny on Cornflakes  - you have a sense of humour which u probably have forgotten - that needs to be brought back to life - bathroom floor - take a chill pill - who gives a crap ...... Seriously babe - I am with u great guys on this site - but always here for a chat

patricia - do you still have Misssy pics - they have gone from here and from my "bookmarks" ?

G.