1. Community
  2. Mental health
  3. Depression

Everything just getting on top of me

Posted , 4 users are following.

fee25
fee25

I've been trying so hard to live what appears to be a normal, semi productive life. But, it's too much! I'm doing the bare minimum, as in...nothing right now and it's still too much to do the smallest of things!!

I am so sick of depression making every silly little thing become the hardest, biggest mountain to climb! I was given an opportunity and as always I mess it all up, let myself down, my family. All because I always let the depression get on top of me and stop me from doing..well, anything. And even when I try it's not enough, none of it seems to matter. It's just never enough. 

I haven't slept for days, I'm stuck in a really bad mindset. Fed up. There is quite literally nothing that I actually want from life, nothing at all. So why live it? 

I felt momentary relief as I have been looking after a family member's puppy and he is lovely. It felt nice to be needed and wanted by something. But all the 'high' points or the 'ups' are not what they appear. They are only distractions from something that is unmoving and unrelenting. 

Supposed to be seeing my GP today about PTSD counselling. I have no interest in seeing anyone, don't want to leave the house today and not even interested in trying counselling again. Sick of taking antidepressants as well. None of it makes the slightest difference, life will always and only be one big joke. 

Rant over!!!

3 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • pjswriter
    pjswriter fee25

    Posted

    Hey Fee, I've been where you are and it is a horrible, horrible place, but I survived, although I NEVER, EVER want to go back to that place.  Please take a look at my recent posts (2) at https://patient.info/forums/discuss/wanting-to-die-499819?page=0#1980097. ; If you want the abridged version:  if you've tried all the SSRI's and noreprinehrine reuptake inhibitors and have been deemed "medication resistent", as I was (after 2+ years of being a lab rat), try talking to your doc about Adderall.  Read my posts and you'll understand why.  Good luck.

     

  • hypercat
    hypercat fee25

    Posted

    Hi fee darling of course life is very difficult when you suffer from depression,  as long as you are fighting (no matter how hard it is) that is the main thing.    You know your negative thoughts are caused by your depression don't you?  And that you mustn't listen to them?   Don;t listen to them - do the right thing by seeking help.  You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.   I know it's b....y impossible sometimes but that's what you have to concentrate on,  getting yourself better.  Coz you will you know.

    I am a lot older than you and have been through all the s..t you are going through now and trust me keep plugging away and it will get better for you - I promise.   Counselling is the way forward and the way to learn more about yourself and find ways to cope.

    Please don't beat yourself up over 'failing'.   Life is difficult enough without depression isn't it?   You can only do your best,  and remember best is best even if it is not good.   You are putting too much pressure on yourself.  I am sure your family love you very much and just wish they could help you more. 

    I have faith in you my love - you will get there.   Keep hope alive.  Now get out of bed,  get ready and go to your GP.   Don't think,  don't worry just tell your feet to get moving and off you go.   Otherwise I shall have to come over and give you a push.  Ok? 

    Always here for you fee.   Pm me anytime.    A big hug for you  love  Bev xx

  • DawnDedee
    DawnDedee fee25

    Posted

    HI Fee,

    You "rant" so well!  I love what you said, "They are only distractions from something that is unmoving and unrelenting."   You captured depression completely.  It feels like a wall that will not move.  You are right, the simplest of tasks seem like huge mountains.  I keep putting off facing a responsibility and the more I put it off, the worse I feel and the harder it gets to complete the task.

    I hate it too.  The only thing I know to do is to force myself with all my might to do what I have to do.  Then the dark cloud lifts for a while.  

    You write it all so eloquently.  I have no easy answers. I wish I did.  Keep hanging in.  PTSD therapy will most likely include relaxation techniques.  My granddaughter has that diagnosis and anxiety plays a major role.  I wish you well in your journey and pray you are connected with a super talented person who can guide you through.

    Dawn, USA

Back to top

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.