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Wanting to die

Posted , 11 users are following.

angelina_97122
angelina_97122

I've been depressed a long time. And I've sought professional help and I even take Prozac. None of it has been helping me. I'm slowly slipping into this darkness and I can't get out. I don't know what to do and I'm just so tired. What should I do?

2 likes, 20 replies

20 Replies

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  • Angelmate
    Angelmate angelina_97122

    Posted

    Oh darling I really feel for you, but there is hope chemicals will not make you feel better,

    I've been on antidepressants for over 11yrs they do nothing, I've been in that dark place your in and you feel nothing will help to take the feelings away, but there is help talking to people on this site also remember the thoughts you have you have put those in your head only you take the feelings away it takes a lot oft willpower but if you want to get them out it will be hard don't give up huni just put your feelings on this site there are loads of people on this site who know just how you feel don't give up Maria cx

  • sharla_94860
    sharla_94860 angelina_97122

    Posted

    Angelina try a different type of medicine maybe that's just not the one for you. Best wishes :-)
  • nadnad
    nadnad angelina_97122

    Posted

    Hi talking without talking anything meds helps darling , there's always a light a the end of the tunnel never despair,,the only person who can get you from the darkness is YOU no one else 

    Prozac make things worse not better if you want an antidepressant go for sertraline but my advice keep away from the meds it's a vicious circle,and to get them out of your system it take longer ,if you need to talk send a private message take care darling ,remember we are here to live to enjoy life to be happy despite (......)but we have to stay positive and strong 

    • sharla_94860
      sharla_94860 nadnad

      Posted

      Nadnad I use to see things a lot like you. But when your in that dark place your mind isn't working like it use to. I'm not sure why buy mine doesn't. I have seen a number of people read self help books I have the tools to get me out of the "dark place" they just aren't effective anymore. With out my kids, family and friends it's hard to even care. I'm taking meds, don't like that u am but I am the same. They haven't helped yet, but I'm told be patient. But honestly if I knew how to just go to sleep and never wake up again I think I'd do it. The pain is just to much! It's to difficult. I don't wanna hurt anymore.
  • stevo1975
    stevo1975 angelina_97122

    Posted

    Angelina, One of the worse things I found with depression was tiredness and insomina, I went on anti D's and after days I was already better however after weeks then months far better again! I attempted suicide twice both times being revived and believe me you do not want that option !!!! Ring emergency if it gets too much people love you and would be devastated plus you will never understand what enjoyment is waiting for you in this life!!! Get help so you dont have to struggle darling!! keep us posted we want to hear how your getting on!!
  • DawnDedee
    DawnDedee angelina_97122

    Posted

    Dear Angelina,

    So sorry you are suffering so.  I too know what it is like to be buried in the dark place.  I have been depressed since I was a young child and have learned that being on the same antidepressant for too long, it becomes ineffective.  I agree with others that Prozac is not the best choice.  It have been proven that it can create suidical thoughts/actions in people.  So changing to something else could be your first choice to win this battle.

    I cannot tell you which one to take, but Sertraline served me well for many years, and then it did not.  So now I take Wellbutrin and so far it is great.  

    There are a great many ways to boost how we feel about ourselves, but you must find that path for yourself as we are all different. However I know one truth, you must love yourself, forgive yourself and do something every day that makes you feel good about yourself.  Plenty of rest, plenty of water is beneficial too.

    I noticed you said that you said that you are without your kids, family and friends.  If I may ask why is that?  Can that change for you?

    Welcome to this forum!  Hope you find what you need here.

    Hang in there, sending you some strength...

    Danw, USA

    • sharla_94860
      sharla_94860 DawnDedee

      Posted

      Dawned ee

      Actually it was me Sharla that is with out friends family and children. October 31st I left the man I was married to for 21 years and with for 24 years. When I did he poisoned the minds of my kids aginst me. Friends and family wanting to help my kids have shyed away from me. Friends are all in the town I left. It's difficult to try to float between 2 people who can't get along. Unhealthy for the 2 divorcing as well as the people trying to be nutral. Family are catering to him so they can see our kids. It hurts me so very much to see people I love be so nice to someone who's hurt me so very much. They give him money, my dad bought him a car! All while I can barely make it from day to day. It makes me sick. I had found a man whom I knew loved me, a healthy relationship I thought. But my ex started stalking me. Wright in ugly things on my car, scratching all up. Then the new man in my life found a very ugly letter in the door of his apartment. And stuff behind the wheel of his pick up. That's when he had enough. I don't blame him it was starting to effect his business. But after that is when I started feeling like my ex took EVERYONE from me. Kids, family friends and the new man I had come to love, trust and lean on. Now I have NO one! Absolutely NO ONE! I'd like to go to sleep and never wake up again.

    • DawnDedee
      DawnDedee sharla_94860

      Posted

      Wow Sharla, I can relate to your experience!  I never thought I would meet anyone who had their family turn on them to the man that caused me so much pain.  It hurts so badly!  I will never understand it.  My husband beat me up and I took my five month old baby and hid at a friends house while I went through the process of pressing charges and going to court.  He beat me up when he was drunk and high after partying with my parents and siblings.  My family were cutting me down to my husband and he was so weak that he joined in.  After he beat me up, I communicated with him through my friend and found out that he was still hanging out with my parents after he had beaten me up!  And that they were going to hire him an attorney to fight me in court if I pressed charges against him!  OMG!  I did press charges and I moved and began a new life without my family or my husband.

      I am so sorry that this is happening to you.  I do not understand why it happened to me or why to you, but I can say that I became stronger and more determined to live my own life the way I wanted to and not care one bit what they thought.  

      Can you not sue for shared parenting?

      Keep your chin up!

      Dawn USA

    • sharla_94860
      sharla_94860 DawnDedee

      Posted

      Dawndedee

      In Texas where I live if you kids are the age of mine and same sex as the parent they choose to stay with like mine most judges won't go against that. My oldest son is 17 and my baby is 16. When I finally get to court the judge will grant me visitation. Thursday and every other weekend. But I've been with out them since October! Before now I've never been away longer then them at church camp. I go home everyday to a cold dark empty apartment. I hate life, I have no future. The man I belive would be my future my ex chased away! I hate life. Noone to make a connection with feel a touch from, talk to see with my eyes hold with my arms. I have nothing and nobody! If I could just go to sleep and never wake up again. I'd not be missed. No one would know till my lawyer started looking for me! That's the truth. Meds aren't helping me. Meditation doesn't help I've read self help books I've been to counselors, I have the tools! They just aren't effective anymore. I do believe in God, and that christmas died for my sins. But I have no joy, no hope, nothing! Just a sad hurt and crushed spirit that wants to be done in this life!

    • DawnDedee
      DawnDedee sharla_94860

      Posted

      May I ask why you left your husband?  If you prefer not to answer, I will understand.  Honestly, out of our darkest moments can come light.  Out of every situation, we can learn something to take with us and use.  Right now feels the worst, and like me, you have all the tools but nothing is helping.  The bible says, "This too shall pass", all we have to do is endure.  Enduring is most difficult at times like this, but your life will turn around, you will experience joy again and you will see hope.  You Will.  Please do not give up.  
    • sharla_94860
      sharla_94860 DawnDedee

      Posted

      Dawndedee

      I left my husband because he was constantly telling me how bad of a wife and mother I was, of making me a laughing stock in town, because he never comforted me. He was never there for me. I was fat and ugly and useless to anyone. He only stayed with me out of pitty for me. Because he showed such disregard for my feelings desires his goals were to be a millionaire by winning the lottery. So much crap. He never paid bills. He is running my Credit and I had enough after being accused of lieing to him cheating on him. Never mind he was staying in Amarillo with my little sister?! Who does that! It makes me sick. He throw me under every bus to my kids. He was their friend I was just the bitch that made life hard for them. That's why.

    • DawnDedee
      DawnDedee sharla_94860

      Posted

      Some day your children will understand the situation.  I pray for that.  Please do not allow that man's opinion of you to define who you are.  He has no power over you, only the power you give him inside your own mind.  Can you move further away so that you can build new relationships without his interference?  Your children will come look for you when they are out of their own and not under his power.  

      Lots of rightful anger, but unleashed anger can eat you up.  Have you considered a punching bag with his picture on it?

    • sharla_94860
      sharla_94860 DawnDedee

      Posted

      Dawndedee

      I wish it were that easy. Yesterday I went to watch my son in the performance in the hands of a carpenter. A stunning view of what it might of been like for Jesus to walk in Earth as a man, in the clay bound vessel we all share. He was amazing! I was so very proud! Only I can't tell him cause he won't let me in ear shot range of him.

      The anger and hate in his eyes when he looks at me is more than I can bear. Here there are people who listen. Listening isn't hard, anyone can listen... it's hearing that's hard! When the words... no the ACTIONS of one person so deeply touch another that you feel that person, I mean really feel them!!!! That's hearing. How many people hear?!

      All my life this is how things have been, how anyone could wonder why I want this to end is beyond me. Who wants a future like this? Can you answer that. That's no future, that's just pain!

      I feel like a door mat. Something people wipe the s*** off of their shoes before walking in. Something left out in the cold, disposable... to be thrown away when it's use is worn out.

  • pjswriter
    pjswriter angelina_97122

    Posted

    Angelina, I am a guy, mid-50’s, living and working in Philadelphia, USA, and I've gone through a major depressive episode in my life—it was about 12 years ago.  It lasted 2+ years but please listen to what I have to say.  Initially I tried every possible anti-depressant med on the market--all of the SSRI's (e.g., Wellbutrin, Prozac, Effexor, you name it; then we tried the old tricyclics, even Lithium and anti-psychotic meds like Seroquel.  Nothing helped.  I had dropped 45 lbs. (sorry, don't remember the conversion to stone) and spent most days curled up in a fetal position on my bed, just praying for sleep to come, then experiencing that awful feeling of waking up and realizing that everything is exactly the same and I had to face another day of misery.  According to the shrinks I was part of the 15% of the population afflicted with severe depression who were "medication resistant".  (Frankly, I think the number is much higher.)  I came VERY close to not being around anymore.

       Then I was told by a doctor in Florida that he had heard of people having some success with Adderall (yes, it's amphetamines, i.e., speed), BUT, 3 days after starting this med, with no other meds in my body, the depression lifted.  Completely.  The clouds parted, the angels wept, I was back to my old self.  THREE DAYS. 

            Since that time I have titrated my dose down from a maximum of 60 mg./day to about 10 mg./day and wouldn't dare stop it because as you probably know only too well, depression is the worst disease you can get--to me even worse than cancer, because you can NEVER get away from your own mind which is constantly trying to convince you that your situation is hopeless.

      Unfortunately, because of the backlash against drug abuse Adderall is rarely prescribed because of the potential liability so some docs change the diagnosis to ADHD, fo which the med IS prescribed quite frequently, but most experienced psychiatrists know that this occurs.  (Plus, I little known fact:  Before the SSRI's were created, many, many docs used to prescribe Adderall for depression.)  I don't know whether your NHS would cover this, IF your doc would write the script but Angelina--please believe me--it worked in 3 days and I have kept it at bay since with a minimal daily dose.  Not only that, I told 4 other friends (actually 3 friends, and 1 relative) about it and they all had been designated "medication resistant" and all 4 had the same experience I did with the depression leaving in very short order (for some it took a week--others, fewer days, but NOT the usual 4-6 weeks which are needed to evaluate the effectiveness of an SSRI or noreprenephrine inhibitor.  I would love to spread the word about this very little known "miracle" cure and have been trying to do so, but there is a lot of flak from the docs, the health insurance companies and Big Brother, that pretty much squelches this information.  The good part is that you can try it (if you can get it) and you'll know within a week if it works--so perhaps you can convince your doc to just give you 1 week's worth?

       I really hope you and anyone else who is suffering from depression and is "medication resistant" reads this.  In my case, and many others, I suspect, this one med finally ended my nightmare of 2+ years and basically saved my life.  Let me know if I can help any further.

     

    • DawnDedee
      DawnDedee pjswriter

      Posted

      I am going to ask my doctor  But you were only depressed for two years and I have been depressed since I was a child.  I do not know if that is the same.

      Dawn, USA.

    • pjswriter
      pjswriter DawnDedee

      Posted

      Dawn, I understand what you are saying and I'm not trying to give medical advice, but if you've tried several of the SSRI's and/or the norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors, and still have found no relief, all I am suggesting is that you speak to your doctor about the possibility of trying Adderall.  If nothing else is working I don't see what the downside would be, unless you have a substance abuse history, in which case, caution would certainly be warranted.

         I just know the hell that I went through for more than 2 years while I tried every combination of meds which existed at the time, and that is one place that I never, ever want to be in again.  I was hoping that something good might come out of what I went through for others who are suffering from depression.  That being said, the decision is of course yours, with the advice of your doc.  Just keep in mind that when it comes to depression psychiatrists often don't have a good handle on what will work and what won't because of the individuality of each person's brain chemistry so they just keep trying a new med or a new combination of meds. 

            Some patients do great on Effexor while others simply experience a decline in their libido.  Some do well on Prozac or Lexapro, while others respond to Wellbutrin or Seroquel.  But if nothing is working, I see little downside in mentioning it to your doc.  In any case, I wish you well.

    • DawnDedee
      DawnDedee pjswriter

      Posted

      Thanks pjswriter,

      I will ask my doc.  I do not have a history of substance abuse of any kind.  

      Dawn

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