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Gillian433545 Gillian433545

Excruciating pain with shingles

Felt extremely ill with dizziness headache and excruciating pain in the lower left back and groin could hardly stand up. It was the day of my husbands sisters funeral and he had to stay back as I was that bad. Five days later and the shingles appeared and doctor put me on antivirals and pain relief. The awful thing about it is I had horrible messages from his relatives thinking I was making a fuss and he should have left me to go. It is 2 weeks now and feel fatigued, in pain and depressed because of the situation and of course shingles. No-one can possibly know how bad I feel except fellow sufferers. What do you all think. Could I have stayed on my own but my husband would not leave me I am 70 and he is 80. Would appreciate comments.

20 Replies

  • barbara76811 barbara76811 Gillian433545

    Don't beat yourself up,Gillian.Your caring husband was clearly worried about you.Having just lost his sister he wouldn't want anything to happen to you.Likely to have been the stress of losing his sister that brought on your shingles.He couldn't do anything for his sister but he could help you.Try and ignore his relatives-they don't sound worth bothering with.Look after yourself and your lovely husband.

    Fatigue post shingles seems to linger.I am still tired after about 6 months.Try and get out of the house-will help th edepraession

  • elena68445 elena68445 Gillian433545

    Hi Gillian433545 

    I think it was a very selfless act on your husbands part by not going to stay home with you while you were going through such an ordeal. Now what he had to do is let his family members know, when he took you as his wife, YOU are his FAMILY NOW.

    It is HIS PLACE TO TELL HIS FAMILY TO BACK OFF!  No one and I mean NO ONE can understand the pain and other affects this disease places upon you. 

    Hope that you feel better and I know it doesn’t seem like it now but you will begin to feel a little better as time goes on. Follow your dr’s orders take all your meds and report any other pains aches fevers etc that may come about as well. 

    Oh I found that adding Vitamin D3 & Vitamin B6 which is the vitamin that helps with nerve function. As this hides inside the nerve cells and comes out when your stressed. So NO STRESS ( If you can avoid it!) exercise is also good to ward off stress. Again I wish onlyfor you to feel better........

  • Goodwater Betty Goodwater Betty Gillian433545

    His family does not understand the situation.  He could not do anything for his sister but he may have been needed to help you since at that point you had no idea what was wrong.  Try to ignore messages from people who do not understand the situation. Hopefully, in time, they will realize that he did the right thing, but if they don’t, there is nothing you can do to change their minds.  It was unfortunate that it happened that day, but you certainly were not responsible for the timing!  Stressing more about it could just prolong and worsen your condition.

  • Merry19451 Merry19451 Gillian433545

    Dear Gillian,

    I am so sorry you have been suffering with this disease. It is agonizing pain, especially with the other symptoms that accompany Herpes Zoster-Shingles. No one should be judging your husband and you. Family comes first, always! As you were very ill, I certainly understand your husband staying by your side. What matters most is how your husband treated his sister when she was alive. If you and your husband are content with the choice you both made, that is all that matters.

    I do hope you started on the Antivirals immediately As you do not have excellent pain control, please contact your Physician and ask for Opioids and perhaps Gabapentin.

    Also you need to sleep and rest. Any activity or exertion will increase the pain.

    Ice and cool compresses will help.

    Some individuals find creams with Lidocaine applied topically helpful. It numbs the nerve endings.

    Please do not stress about toxic relatives. They are not worth it.

    I hope this helps.

    I am a Nurse Practitioner in the States. I have had recurrent Herpes Zoster-Shingles in my right ear every three to five weeks for the past twenty-one years and twice in my right eye.

    Best Wishes

    Merry Juliana

  • Merry19451 Merry19451 Gillian433545

    Now that some time has passed, but before resentment becomes too deep on their side, I would also ask your kind husband to please write to his relatives that it was his responsibility and choice to stay with you, he has been there for his sister when she was alive, and that they should not be sending any notes upsetting you. They need to apologise to you.

    Your husband I am certain is sad regarding his sister, and should not have to deal with family melodrama.

    Please tell your husband my deepest condolences for his loss.

    Merry Juliana

  • barbara42085 barbara42085 Gillian433545

    Oh Gillian,

    I am so sorry to hear you are suffering - and how awful that your relatives are treating you so badly.   It's an unfortunate fact that unless you have suffered, or a close to someone who has suffered, with Shingles then you don't realise how really devastating the virus is.

    I am in my 3rd week now, most of the shingles are just scars now, but the area where they were on my back and tummy is numb and the area on my side and groin is so tender and painful - plus I have this awful stabbing pain in my lower back where the rash first started.which is the worst pain ever when it gets a grip, so I know what you are going through and I empathise.Gillian I really do.

    I have had some wonderful advise from fellow sufferers on this forum, read through what has been said, you ma like to pick up on some of the suggested medications and remedies - but please don't beat yourself up about the funeral, you were too ill to attend, and your Husband loves you too much to see you suffer alone.  He did the right thing by staying with you, and if his family can't see that then they need to take a good long look at themselves, as you have done nothing wrong Gillian - and I am sure that your Sister in law would be saying the same thing if she were able.

    Concentrate on you and your Husband and ignore those that are being so horrible to you - you need to get yourself fit and strong again - it's going to take time but you will get better as long as you take good care of yourself.  You are ill, tired and emotional at the moment, so be  kind to yourself, let yourself heal - don't look back, look forward to happier times with your caring Hubby.

    Take good care Gillian - here's hoping we will all feel a lot better very soon and beat this devil of a virus.

    Babs x

  • r. f. 09034 r. f. 09034 Gillian433545

    Dear friend. I am truly sorry for your family's loss and the pain you have endured. You are correct in that "NO ONE can possibly know how bad" except for others who have experienced the shingles. Even so, there are different degrees to each person's outbreak, as some people only have a mild outbreak, while others have extreme outbreaks that are debilitating and repetitive. I know you may feel some guilt that you held your husband back from where others felt he should have attended but your husband knows you better than anyone else and if he'd felt you could be left alone, then he would have done so. The misguided judgements of others are not your problem. Not to sound harsh but ignore it. Dealing with shingles alone, is enough for anyone's plate. I've been in that very same spot during funerals, family reunions and holidays. My best friend was where I needed him to be...at my bedside and he's never regretted it. Just as you and I would do the same if the tables were turned and our husbands were down sick. People are going to talk. Let it go, friend. Instead, spend that energy on getting well and letting your husband know how wonderful you think he is for being close at your side when you needed him the most. Stay strong and think happy thoughts : )

    • Gillian433545 Gillian433545 r. f. 09034

      Thank you all for your uplifting comments. They show great love and your prompt answers and wishes helped so much. Three weeks ago tomorrow was the funeral and we still have not heard from anyone except as you know a nasty letter from a member of my husbands family but as you say you cannot change peoples minds if they want to believe something. Onwards and upwards. Bless you all xxxx

    • r. f. 09034 r. f. 09034 Gillian433545

      Exactly right Gillian..."Onwards and Upward". Great advice for us ALL to follow because this shingles path can be a lonely one and NO ONE knows till they've been there themselves. I recall when I first started to get shingles, I would only get it around my hip and it would be the same long routine, lasting 3 weeks, treating it at home, with every day feeling like four days. But when the shingles started on my face and went into my eye, that of course meant a hospital stay every time. It didn't take long before the times were getting more and more frequent, as were all the hospital stays. Do you know what I remember MOST from way back then? It was the off-handed comments that people would say that many probably didn't even think about when they said it. Things like...

      "That hospital is going to name a floor after you." Or...

      "She sick AGAIN?" Or...

      "We're going to have to put that girl in a bubble."

      After a while, jokes like that aren't so funny anymore. I think people hear this word "shingles" and it just doesn't click with some people. It doesn't help that so much literature out there, even from the CDC, that's saying most people will get the shingles only once and reoccurrrance is unlikely. IF that were true, then there wouldn't be so many shingles support forums like this one. That kind of misinformation keeps people in the dark and makes them insensitive. And the CDC complains that so many NOT wanting to take the shingles vaccine. They need to put ALL of us on a shingles vaccine promo commercial and hand US a microphone (Gillian gets to speak first...hee hee) Betting they won't be able to pump that Shingles vaccine out fast enough if people KNEW what this thing called shingles really does to people. Gillian, you are NOT alone. None of us are alone. Don't you worry about family members who think you should have been elsewhere that day. Your family HERE says otherwise. Your family HERE says Gillian needed to be home that day. Your family HERE says Gillian needed a cute stuffed bear, two dozen roses and a silver medal, engraved with "Onward and Upward" for making it through THAT day. Your family here is glad you did. Keep smiling Ms Gillian.

    • Gillian433545 Gillian433545 r. f. 09034

      Cannot believe human beings can be so unkind. Like kicking a person when they are down. Yes the comments people made and particularly one young girl of 33 was that I have not attended two other family functions. The first one was when they found I had an underactive thyroid and was very low at that point and the second time a slipped S.1 joint in the bottom of my back. Just coming back from all that and attacked by shingles. I am seventy and my children would never have dreamed of talking to an adult like that. It is disrespectful. She sent a text to my husband at first saying he should have been there which really upset him so I defended him and explained what had happened. She said everyone at the funeral were talking about us and it completely overshadowed the funeral. As if he was not upset enough losing his sister. She said she was entitled to her opinion. I texted and said not when it hurts others.

    • Merry19451 Merry19451 Gillian433545

      Dear Gillian,

      Your husband staying by your side speaks volumes to me about his enduring love for you, and vice versa. Of course, he loved his sister, but it is way more important to be there when she was alive, and remain close to her, which he did.

      His family is showing their true colors, and while painful, his real loyalty is to you, to your children, and was to his beloved sister, period.

      Your husband is grieving, of course, and these mean texts should stop from his family. I would have your husband send a text back to that effect, and not respond anymore.

      I hope you are doing better, now and can gain a perspective that you have a healthy marriage, a sweet marriage, and that his family are gossip mongers that like to stir up trouble.

      Best Wishes

      Merry Juliana

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