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Extreme Emetophobic (fear of vomiting/gagging)-ruining my life!

Posted , 4 users are following.

smc89344
smc89344

Since I was a child, my fear of vomiting was a serious issue for me. As I age- the anxiety and fear has become much worse. I'm afraid for my life and general well being.

I have met a lot of people and read a bunch of online cases about the same fear. I know I am not alone. In my case, anxiety and depression is genetic from both sides of my family. More so on my maternal side. I am severely affected by this as well as thought triggered panic attacks. It doesn't help that I suffer from OCD as well. My brain is out of control and very frustrating to live a 'normal' life this way. One part of my brain knows it's just fear, negative thoughts...and that vomiting/gagging is a normal human function, however, the other part of my brain completely freaks out sending my body into complete panic attacks. I cannot express how tired my mind and body is from all of this. I'm panic stricken day and night, 24/7. My mind doesn't stop and constantly worried about getting sick or the possibility of when I can eat. Or all of a sudden I will remember something or past experience, even fabricating a familiar taste in my mouth which instantly makes me feel so sick im freaking out. These are my daily battles....When I can sleep, that is pretty much the only time my anxiety isn't affecting me but I have trouble sleeping as is with an overactive mind. Even brushing my teeth has become a worry as I constantly feel nauseous and gaggy because of how shot my nervous system is.

I have lost about 15 lbs over the past 4-5 years. I now weigh 100 lbs roughly. This fear/phobia has tainted my mind in ways where i overthink every situation. As a food lover, i fear my overall health as I struggle to eat. The sight and smells of food...common foods i love....turn my stomach around and make me severly nauseous. When i can/do eat, i feel more nauseous from digestion.

I am not currently on any antidepressants even though my doctor suggested me to start again. I'm very hesitant as I was on them for over 13 years and feel that they have messed up my head and caused alot of my gastrointestinal issues I now face. I do however take clonazepam quite frequently when I feel out of control. Which isn't a permanent or long term goal of mine to continue taking. I know this has long term effects.

Even though I am aware this is all psychological, I can't stop this. I am 35 years old and a single mother. With this fear it makes it very difficult to care for my son when he is sick.

I have been off work now for almost 4 months because of the severity of this mental illness. I enjoy working and staying busy...but I have a difficult time even leaving the house now. I just want to enjoy life...go out with friends....take my son places without the anxiety and panic in my body and without the aid of mild tranquilizers. I need to see a Psychotherapist for cognitive therapy and maybe a hypnotherapist. ...but it's tough as both these services aren't covered under our countries health plan.

I have seen Holistic doctors and one gave me EFT (emotional freedom technique) 'tapping' methods to do on certain parts of the body that aren't helping much.

Anyone have any suggestions for me? Or feel similar? If so, are there any coping strategies that has helped yourself or others?

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. Looking frwd to hearing from others.

Sandi

0 likes, 42 replies

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  • tonia_2003
    tonia_2003 smc89344

    Posted

    Sandi I rarely leave the house too. I don't see how you do it being a single mom. I've lost 25 pounds since July of 2015. I think my Paxil was already trying to quit working on me and on July 5th it just stopped. I never had anxiety attacks or panic attacks. Boy do I now!! They are everyday. I started out with major heart palpitations and my heart rate would go as high as sometimes 120. I guess after 15 years my body just got use to it. Now I can't get off of it because it's going to cause even worse withdrawal. I stay nauseous right much and had testing done and my Seratonin and dopamine levels are low. When I have my worst days I'll get this feeling like I'm getting the flu. You are stronger than you think. You're handling it being a single mom. I don't even like being alone sometimes. I have a 13 yr old and we use to do everything together. Now I rarely do anything with her outside of the house. I feel so bad about it. I just sit and cry. I would get on another medication if I were you. If I could get off of Paxil I know I would. I don't want to take an antipsychotic drug and that's what my psychiatric nurse practitioner always wanted me on since Paxil would be so hard to get off of. I'm seeing an actual psychiatrist now.
    • smc89344
      smc89344 tonia_2003

      Posted

      Oh Tonia I'm so sorry to hear this. 😔....trust me when I say I can understand and relate to how others feel as I have suffered 3/4 of my life with anxiety/panic attacks.

      I surely don't feel very strong at the moment as after all these years I feel like I'm broken. This is the worse it's ever been and I'm petrified beyond belief.

      I was too on Paxil for years which stopped working for me as well. My doc wants me to start back up on cipralex which I don't want to be on anything as i determined how bad antidepressants are and the long term affects they have on our bodies. I'm just lost....I once thought I was strong. ...I dont feel that way lately....I've become bed ridden most days when I'm used to keeping busy and going places... I have a very difficult time doing anything at all. I have mild tranquilizers for emergencies and am trying hard not to get too dependant on them. And btw those too have their long term affects....

      I wish we could just be normal....sigh

    • tonia_2003
      tonia_2003 smc89344

      Posted

      How long were you on the Paxil and how long did it take you to stop it? How did you stop it? Even though it's not working anymore I'm still having to take it because If I don't I go into worse withdrawal.
    • smc89344
      smc89344 tonia_2003

      Posted

      I was on Paxil for over 10 years....even tho I was on a low dose. It still took time to wean off it...safely...how many MG are u on currently? What I would suggest is to come down slowly.. if ur on 20 for example. ...break it in half and take 10 for maybe a few weeks...then break the half (10mg) in half so ur down to 5mg for another few weeks ....then once ur adjusted to the 5mg....I would take every other day for a week or two ....it's a process but ur doing it safely with little withdrawal symptoms
    • smc89344
      smc89344

      Posted

      Btw Paxil is a very difficult drug to come off of too.. my doc told me
    • tonia_2003
      tonia_2003 smc89344

      Posted

      I have OCD and I'm on 50 mg because it takes higher doses to treat OCD.
  • AnxietyJess
    AnxietyJess smc89344

    Posted

    I 100% understand your pain,

    I am going through the same thing and it's horrible I am I fear all the time over being sick, having panick attacks not eating probably and having s stomach ache which makes me feel sick and so on!

    How do you cope?!

    • smc89344
      smc89344 AnxietyJess

      Posted

      Jess as sad and frustrating as this is for us.. I'm glad to know im not crazy. Bc i do feel that way at times....it's so silly really but it's so very real and scary for me....for us.

      Have u always had this fear?

      I'm not really coping....I'm in constant worry and panic all the time even when .you stomach is empty....as I stated my nerves are so bad that the nausea and gastrointestinal pains has become unbearable.

    • tonia_2003
      tonia_2003 smc89344

      Posted

      I know how you feel about the gastrointestinal symptoms. I have developed gastritis and almost every morning and throughout the day and sometimes night I feel so nauseous. My stomach is forever burning.
    • smc89344
      smc89344 tonia_2003

      Posted

      I prolly have the same....as my stomach is messed up....I'm constantly belching which makes me feel so nauseous and gaggy. I experience a lot of acid reflux as well bc of the nervousness and excess acid in my stomach. I honestly think if I were to manage to get my stomach better, my anxiety wouldn't be so bad....but then I'm constantly worrying which causes anxiety....so idk....it's a vicious cycle.
    • smc89344
      smc89344

      Posted

      I do know that when the gut isn't right it can definitely cause anxiety as we produce less serotonin.
    • tonia_2003
      tonia_2003 smc89344

      Posted

      I've had my Seratonin levels checked and my other neurotransmitter levels. Both Seratonin and dopamine are low. I'm scared to take a probiotic. I use to take one, and since my medication and supplement reaction that made my Paxil stop working, I'm scared to take anything but vitamins now. I also take clonazepam and it interacts with a lot unfortunately.
    • smc89344
      smc89344 tonia_2003

      Posted

      I can relate. I'm petrified taking new things....esp if they have side effects. I take clonazepam too...more frequently now then ever. I'm not one to be dependant on anything....but my anxiety and panic is out of control. I take half pills almost daily sometimes a full pill which is only .5 MG.

      Today my stomach is feeling so bad...I feel like I'm going to hurl. I'm so anxious. I'm at the park now with my son which I didn't know if I could even make it....but I have to push and force myself as he will suffer. Idk how I'm not dead yet. My anxiety is so extreme I'm sure it took at least 10 years off my heart....I can't bear to live this way anymore....I'm even looking into shock therapy or deep brain therapy or something that could help....this is no life for anyone to live. ...this is not living.

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