Extreme Jealousy!!!
Posted , 14 users are following.
Omg...I am driving my husband mad with imagining that he's looking at everything and anything and comparing them to me. I am like...Am I going out of my mind??? I know some women will say well maybe your instincts are right. Well, to squash all those that think that I will say that I've been married to this man for 30 years and NEVER even felt like he gave anyone (including women) a second look. I've even encouraged him in the past to give the girls in his office a little something around Christmas to show his appreciation because he would never think of it. Now I'm constantly having these paranoid thoughts of him staring at other women. I feel INSANE!!!! Is it my insecurities and my age (I'm 52) that all of a sudden is making me crazy?? He has never said anything negative about my body or my looks and compliments me all the time. SO WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON? He asks me if I'm trying to push him away by accusing him of this and I am not at all. I love him dearly and he tells me he loves me everyday. But this green monster is taking over my life to where I'm imagining him ogling anything that moves. UGH!! Please tell me I'm not the only one that feels this craziness. <3 <3 <3
1 like, 19 replies
michelle55523 laura370
Posted
Yes I have done the same to my husban. It has worn off some fortunately. I usually have to explain that its mother nature and hope he understands. Usually does and is very supportive. Just be honest and let him know its just what your going through right now and hope it dosen't last long.
laura370 michelle55523
Posted
Thank you Michelle. I am not as bad as I was 6 months ago, but I do have my moments where I can't let it go no matter how much I tell myself not to say anything. My imagination runs wild and my mouth right along with it. It seems to get worse around that time of the month...go figure. Thanks for sharing your story with me. It means a lot. 😊
samantha42264 laura370
Posted
I can't completely relate because I'm single, but I get it to a degree. I have lother most of my self confidence during this peri struggle, have tried dating, but decided it's best I stay away from that as I would describe myself as a physco ? it makes me very very anxious and it's not fair to the man.
Jealously is all about our own self confidence and this is a time in our life when it's pretty low.
Guest laura370
Edited
Hi Laura, I got this way recently. But, I was more annoyed with this person... There was this single mom whose kid plays on the same team as my son. Married like 3 times. I was not able to make it to all the games with all my crappy symptoms. she constantly cling to my husband at the games...talking his ear off and sharing all her ex husband woes with him. I was beyond heated. Anyways, I ended up going to the last game last month. We had just arrived, she must of smelled him from a mile away. Comes right up to my husband like I was invisible. At that moment, I wasn’t jealous...I found her to be truly aggressive and annoying. So, the season ended...she started texting him! I put an end to that. Unbelievable!
Btw, like yours, my husband adores me. Even though I’m walking around a mess lately 😀
laura370 Guest
Edited
Oh wow...some people are such inconsiderate a**holes. Excuse my language, but to ignore you like she did is so wrong to say the least. Sounds like your husband was just trying to be nice to her like my husband is to everybody, but some women take it the wrong way. Especially if they're desperate. You handled it way better than I would have. But I totally can relate to your situation. Thanks for sharing. I get tired of feeling all alone with these crazy thoughts. 😉
Eliaimee1970 laura370
Posted
You are not alone . I do and my husband of 16 yrs is younger than me for 9 yrs. So I’m so worried I’m 48 and he will be 40 in December . But he said he loves me even with my peri meno I got all symptoms.
laura370 Eliaimee1970
Posted
I'm sure he does adore you without a doubt. You're very lucky to have him with you and to help you through these trying times. Everyday I wake up and hope this day will be a ggod day for me. It's a hit and miss sometimes which can be extremely frustrating and tiresome. Thanks for your reply to my post, it means a lot. 😁😁😁
michael72246 laura370
Posted
Good evening...I've been a subscriber to this page since my announced she had peri. And I only learned of it because I happened by a conversation my wife was having with a mutual friend. Otherwise she never would've told me. I wanted very much to be a support system. But she pushed me away. There were bigger issues at work besides her peri. But the announcement was where the plate tectonics officially cracked wide open. She already pushed me away for other reasons. We're now separated and I've moved out. I have no idea whatsoever what my wife's peri experience is. She never talks about it. EVER. As a man give your husbands some credit which it definitely seems like you're doing. He loves and you and wants to be there for you.
laura370 michael72246
Posted
Hello Michael...I'm so sorry to hear about you and your wife. Believe it or not my husband knew about my peri before I did because he asked his doctors and read about it. Unfortunately he never told me. I had to find out on my own. But because he knew about it he had patience and rode it out until I said something. So now we talk about it regularly and he says he will never leave me. Trust me there were times I just wanted to run and never come back because of my crazy thoughts and thinking he might leave me, so I'll leave him first. But everyday all day he reminds me how much he cares and we'll get through this. What I'm trying to say is maybe your wife left because she was afraid you would leave her first and she would rather be the leaver than the one left behind? Does that make sense? It's a very confusing time for everyone and it sounds like you trief your best so try not to blame yourself. Maybe she just needs some space right now to get her heaf on straight. I wish I could explain it better, but it's impossible. But I do tell my husband everyday how lucky I am to have him. 🙄🙄🙄
Clomba laura370
Edited
Hello Laura, i found this website in my desperation to find out what is wrong with me, i started being very jealous more than one year ago, and I am going through menopause ,and the problem that I have it doesn't seam to get any better. We have been married for over 29 years, my husband loves me and he tells me every day, he hugs me and assures me every day, he is a very serious man, but I am accusing him at looking at all the women on the street,we cannot even go anymore out to drink a coffee, I need help.How you doing now, are you any better, how long did it last, did you ever went to any counselling, because I am considering to go to some counselling.
I never new ,menopause is coming with jealousy,thank you
laura370 Clomba
Edited
Good news!! It definitely DOES get better. I wanted to push him away because I thought I will never get through this and I felt like I was going completely coo coo! We would get into fights because of my over active imagination. Not going to lie...it has taken me years and I still have setbacks here and there, but nothing like they were. Just don't lock it up inside, but let it out and quietly explain that it's not that you don't trust him, but you're feeling insecure and you need reassurance. I still ask for reassurance about 5 times a day. It used to be 20 times a day! Also, recognize and pat yourself on the back every time you realize that you don't do whatever it is as often as you used to (i.e. you go out and don't get jealous as much...even if you still do ). Trust me, it all happens in baby steps and won't go away overnight. But just be patient and I PROMISE you it does eventually calm down. One day you'll wake up and realize you actually went one day without negative and intrusive thoughts. But always be open about your insecurities to your significant other. Explain that you know he's not doing anything and that it's YOU that needs to get through this like so many other women. Ask him to be patient and you'll both get through it with a much more stronger and loving relationship. That's where my husband and I are with a few hiccups now and then. If you're open about it with him and explain you don't like feeling this way, but it's there just the same, he'll be more patient. Any more questions, feel free to ask. Please hang in there and this too shall pass. ((((HUGS))))
Clomba laura370
Posted
Laura, thank you for your replay, my husband just ask me few days ago to explain him how a perfect husband looks to me, because he is thinking he is not good enough for me, I told him that he is perfect he is not the problem , I am. I got so miserable and discouraged that i told my husband i will not tell him anything anymore , and my problem is that when I get upset and all those imaginations and replays are coming in my head , I get so depress that i cannot even talk, something gets in my throat and i cannot speak, i was even thinking to go to some counseling , i am not sure if it helps, but boy this is not fun , and i sure hope it won't last for the rest of my life
Clomba laura370
Edited
And definitely i am pushing him away a lot even though I am starving for his hugs and his love and I need him to tell me all the time he loves me and I need assurance a lot throughout the day. When we go to bed if he doesn’t say I love you I am worried why he didn’t say it if he said only good night. So yeah that’s my life and we’ve been married for almost 30 years we have five kids and three of them are married we’ve been together for 35 years and I love him very much and if I had to marry again I would choose him all over again. This is not fun for sure and I hope they’re not too many people have to go through this thank you
laura370 Clomba
Edited
I'm not going to lie that it will stop overnight. I will tell you that it took me a couple of years and lots of patience from my husband and my kids for me to settle down. You also have to be patient with yourself as well. I finally stopped having my periods for about 9 months now and that really has helped. I no longer have to know what my husband is doing at all times like before. My main thing for some reason is thinking he wishes I was like some of the women on t.v., but even that is going away. I know I seem so needy at times because I constantly seem to need to hear that he thinks I'm pretty, but he doesn't seem to mind. It's becoming less and less for me to hear it. What you have to do is every time you find yourself getting a little less insecure, remind yourself that you're getting better even if it's just a tiny bit. Because I PROMISE it does eventually fade. I have not a clue what started my insecurities, but it was like overnight I found myself having major anxiety attacks and shaking and all of a sudden I had this overwhelming feeling that my husband didn't want me. I felt like I was losing my mind! Unfortunately, my mom had recently passed and I had nobody to go to except my husband. He was the one that explained to me I was going through perimenopause. So the more I read about it the better I felt. It didn't make those jealousy feelings go away, but at least I could put a name to it. And now I can honestly say after several years that the jealousy is at least at a minimum and I can now talk my way through it most of the time. But in all honesty, your husband has to be part of the solution. I know it's easy to try and hide it, but I felt better letting it out and letting him know I was having insecure thoughts. That's part of the healing process, trust me. Otherwise, it will come out in other ways and he won't know what's going on. It sounds like your husband is a very loving and understanding man, so explain it to him. In fact, show him these posts and let him know that you aren't alone in this and neither is he. This is just one of those unfortunate things life has given us women and its nobody's fault. We just have to get through it together and love and help one another. Keep me updated and I will help you any way I can. Lots of hugs coming your way!!!
maria77496 laura370
Edited
I'm 48 and have been married for almost 30 years and am still very much in love with my husband. I have all the signs that I am going through the menopause but also found out 8 weeks ago my husband has been watching porn. We have always had a good sex life so I was so hurt and almost feel he has cheated on me and that I'm not enough. He has apologised so often and keeps telling me he loves me and he only wants to be with me but I'm so jealous and think he is comparing me with everyone. I also just feel like leaving as I feel so insecure.
julie07797 maria77496
Edited
I feel the same way, insecure and going crazy most days. I have been married 38 years to my husband. I was 15 and he was 17, High school sweet hearts. He has always made me feel beautiful and the only one he ever wants. But I noticed lately that he looks at women on tik tok that are half naked and flopping their boobs around. When I saw that I immediately felt like everything he has said or done was a lie. That I wasn't as beautiful as he has made me always feel. I got upset and finally told him that I felt like it was lies. I am overweight and he always loved my curvy side, so I felt so insecure at that time when I saw what he was looking at. He said he would quit and he did for about 3 weeks and I notice some of those pictures on his phone. Just feel crazy most days.