Fear of Cancer ruining my life
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Hello everyone. Im Lucy, 24. I stumbled across this page after another one of my dates with good old 'dr google'. A bit
of background - Ive always had severe anxiety (to sum it up, basically Im scared of just about everything, although ironically not the common stuff people without anxiety fear like exam results etc) ever since I was an infant, its manifested itself in a wide array of ways over the years without a strong emphasis on health but more recently it has become a full on - what I can only descibe as sheer terror regarding cancer. Like everyone Ive always been 'aware' of cancer so to speak and for someone with anxiety to the extent of mine you'd think it would have always been a problem - no, that is until my Dad died of cancer 2 years ago and then my Grandma also got a terminal diagnosis. This has broken me to say the least. Every single day now I seem to live in perpetual terror and atleast 3 hours a day goes to googling symptoms and ending in hysteria and floods of tears. In the past month alone ive 'had' over 15 types. It sounds ridiculous and trust me I know but no amount of rationale seems to fight those demons. Any pain results in this cycle and it is truly ruining my life. I finally bit the bullet and got referred for cbt but the waiting list is huge and Im at a bit of a loss as to what to do in the mean time. I seem to be spiralling into my lowest ebb and I really cant deal with it at all anymore. I was just hoping for a friendly word or to from anyone who has similar issues or just has any ideas on what on earth I could do to sort myself out. To make matters worse I am absoloutly terrorfied of the doctors to the point I make myself physically ill everytime I go. Another delightful little idiotic character trait of mine. Isnt anxiety great?
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doglover2005 lucymarie48
Posted
Same, same. I'm a 13 girl and my health anxiety started near the end of December. Cancer is a word that I'm really sensitive to. I don't really know anyone in my family who has cancer or a type of cancer that is genetic (thank goodness). Here's a list of all the cancers I've convinced myself I had.
BREAST CANCER- My breasts were hurting which made me panic but turns out, my period is near and your breasts can be more tender and sensitive.
STOMACH CANCER- funny story. I thought I had blood in my stool because it was really dark and was making the toilet water reddish purple. I suffer from it for a whole week! I was totally convinced I have stomach cancer because around that time was when I was sick and lost about 2 pounds. Of course, weight loss is a symptom of cancer. It suddenly stopped and started again about 2 weeks later. Blood is a symptom I was really alarmed about so I decided to tell my mom. We freaked out and then I realized I was eating red dragon fruits and lots of beets that whole week! And when the dark stool started again, that was when I had more red dragon fruits. Also have fatigue, indigestion, occasional loss of appetite
LIVER CANCER- Light colored stool is a symptom of liver problems. Freaked out. Realized my stool has always been lightish medium in color. I worried about it so much that I started to feel upper abdominal pain/"liver pain". I have abdominal pain and is currently suspecting IBS
OVARIAN CANCER- lower abdominal pain and bloating made me think about ovarian cancer. Also, I read an article about this 12-year-old who has ovarian cancer and I'm around her age.
AND NOW, COLON CANCER- changes in bowel habits, abdominal pain, fatigue, "weight loss" (I haven't lost a lot of weight, about 4-6 pounds at most, but my anxiety is till messed up and I've been trying to lose weight), gas, constipation (I have alternations between diarrhea and constipation, tho). And Dr. Google, of course, suggested another type of cancer, colon cancer this time. And I also read this article about how this 13 year old girl has/had colon cancer but the difference between us is I don't think I have a family history of any genetic cancers or even any cancer at all. I was stressing about anemia because it can mean colon cancer but my only symptoms of it are also anxiety related. Everyone tells me I look fine, so I guess I don't look pale or yellow. Basically, everything looks normal but I'm still stressing about anemia for no reason. I also have never seen blood (throwbacks to the beets), or have a fever in a long time. \
Well, I collect my main symptoms together and they equal to IBS. Everyone thinks I have IBS, but I'm scared to go to the doctor to confirm it. I don't know about you but I feel like the more stressed and anxious I am, the more symptoms show/ get worse. You're not alone! So many people have told me I need therapy just this past 2 weeks! We're not crazy, trust me. I'm trying meditation, yoga, and overall exercises, and less unhealthy foods (those food and stress trigger my symptoms, especially the IBS ones).