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Feel like an absolute useless, worthless, colossal failure.

Posted , 104 users are following.

X99
X99

Right, where do I start?

I'm 26. Male.

Working but on a zero hour contract but usually work the whole week (45 hrs).

That's where the good ends and the real crap begins.

I have no qualifications after getting two C's at A-level. Studying is something I find almost impossible.

I am socially awkward. I'm always afraid of what I said sounded stupid. I actively avoid any form of social activities.

I have zero friends. Yep nobody to hang out with.

Sure I say a few words to work colleagues and I think they genuinely like me but who really knows.

I've never had anything remotely like a romantic relationship and pretty much given up hope of ever finding anyone. I mean who would want to be with me anyway?

I'm boring, stupid, and unsuccessful.

I've tried taking to some girls online but after a a few sentences I can tell I'm being nothing but a boring drag.

I'm a nice guy but that gets me nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. I think I've gotten to the point where if I had a button that would kill every human being on the planet I'd push it.

When it comes to physical work and actually producing visible results at work I'm unstoppable. That's the main reason I'm called in to work as much as I am.

Work is the only good thing going on in my life right now. Without that I don't know what I'd do.

Not a day goes by where I don't think of committing suicide. But I know I won't do it. Not at this moment in time anyway.

My mind often ponders about what would be the best way to kill yourself.

Jump off a building, car wreck, dive off a cliff, hanging, slit wrists, overdose, gunshot to the head (overseas). That's as far as I've gotten.

The topic of death occupies a big part of my daydreaming. I find it fascinating. What happens when you die? Do you just switch off? Do you wake up elsewhere (life doesn't seem real to me, more like a dream). I hardly recognise myself in the mirror. It's more like looking at a stranger.

As if the other day I've started cutting at my arm. Self harm. I never thought I'd end up here.

I'm on anti depressants at the moment. I missed one dose and went very far down hill. Back up today but not fully there. Doubt I ever will be.

I don't even know why I've written all this. It's unlikely posting this here will have any effect for the better.

The best words to describe my current feelings:

Low/down, disconnected/detached, zero self worth, useless, worthless, failure, unwanted.

Of well. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Regards,

X99

17 likes, 161 replies

161 Replies

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  • pk1962
    pk1962 X99

    Posted

    I hope you're alright. I got to this by searching something about feeling useless. I haven't always felt useless, but events lately making me feel so. Like no birthday greetings on facebook, losing my job by being crap at it, always awkward in social situations, (feeling like I'll never get over that one). I too have had really bad thoughts. However, i don't like to read other people's - it's just not nice! I've decided to be a boring faillure, but to try to be as nice as I can and not be a 'bad' person. Things like suicidal thoughts are basically bad. Bad vibes in the world, when the world needs good vibes. It's probably not what you wanted to hear. All the best. Sorry I haven't got any great solutions - just speaking my mind right now. Take careconfused
    • elizabeth_70545
      elizabeth_70545 pk1962

      Posted

      Jesus died to save you so you are not worthless

      You don't give your life for something of no value

      He loves you

      There's sin and your sin seperates you from Gods love

      Turn from it and trust in Jesus

      Read the gospel of John

      I did it 4 years ago. " the truth will set you free"

      These

    • Ashley025
      Ashley025 pk1962

      Posted

      Yeah I'm awkward too in social situations.Get help reach out to your family. Talk to a therapist. There's online therapy. Please try.👍

  • vivie91
    vivie91 X99

    Posted

    X99, I hope that at this point in time, you no longer feel like this.

    However, if you do: please do not let the way you are feeling define your character. In times of deep depression such as what you described, it is impossible to feel lively, warm, happy or interesting. It is as though your brain has had the life sucked out of it. I have personally had the same feeling. The self-loathing. The total detachment from everything. And from someone on the other side of that (for today!) I would like to say that this feeling is NOT what the rest of your life is going to be like.

    Please seek some psychological help for your depression - the right therapist will help you to come up with strategies to get your mind working the way it should. You will get to the other side of this bridge with the right help.

    Your life is precious and there is so much you can do with it once you get a handle on your severe depression. I find that forcing myself (not easy) to step out of my comfort zone and try something new always helps to boost me in the right direction.

    Best of luck.

  • Awesome_hockey
    Awesome_hockey X99

    Posted

    I feel the same too. No one likes me because I am such a baby. I never do things right. My life is useless as well. I need serious help just like you.
    • Ashley025
      Ashley025 Awesome_hockey

      Posted

      You're not useless get professional help right away. You're not alone many of us feel the same way.🙌

  • Madman_Norby
    Madman_Norby X99

    Posted

    I'm exactly where you are, minus a job. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore, I'm just a waste of resources and space. I wish there was something I could do to help.

  • mememaster
    mememaster X99

    Posted

    I feel you - my condition is only worse (in a sense) I'm 15 and I feel exactly like you. Some notable differences are that I have no physical abilities and I'll probably die soon due to heart attack. My grades are ludicrously disgusting. I fail at everything I do - even if I give it my all and those bollocks.

    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 mememaster

      Posted

      oh no...you are 15! your life is just begining....it doesn't matter if you are ugly now...or attractive..doesn't matter if you are smart or dumb..you have a whole life ahead of you.

      Focus on what you want to be when you get older..start that schooling process...don't give up...i wanted to give up at 21...I'm 52 now..glad I didn't give up.

      There will be good people that come into your life if you hang on.

      Just hang on..see...you are not alone...I responded..and who knows what else life has to offer..just keep going.

  • danni-k-85
    danni-k-85 X99

    Posted

    Hey x99,

    I just came on the the net to try and find ways for me not to feel down and useless and this was one of the first things I came across. I see it has been about a year since your post and I hope things have gotten better for you.

    If things are still the same then just know that things will get better, but the only person that can change that is you.

    I know that you will soon find something or someone that will make you happy, it happened to me when i was at my lowest, just look forward to that day. I hope you have already found happiness :-)

  • xhmmer
    xhmmer X99

    Posted

    This totally describe me after I've had that job affair as an incoming OJT Student for my graduation. Most of my batch mate have received messages/emails from the people we've sent resume with and I can't help but to think I am lower than them because I haven't received one. I try to do other things to remove my attention from this. I can't help but cry everytime and my mother is expecting a lot from me. I have done well in college up until now but I have a hard time portraying my ideas to other people so it's really hard for me to talk to interviewers which I feel required to do to pursue my career.

    • xhmmer
      xhmmer

      Posted

      I mean fair not affair
    • Ashley025
      Ashley025 xhmmer

      Posted

      Dont beat yourself up for it. Just give it your best. Dont pressure yourself too much. 👍

  • fleur43644
    fleur43644 X99

    Posted

    Hi xx9..

    I came across your post and it really touched me.

    I hope you're doing better as this post was a while back..

    Cheers

    Fleur.

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