Feel like an absolute useless, worthless, colossal failure.
Posted , 104 users are following.
Right, where do I start?
I'm 26. Male.
Working but on a zero hour contract but usually work the whole week (45 hrs).
That's where the good ends and the real crap begins.
I have no qualifications after getting two C's at A-level. Studying is something I find almost impossible.
I am socially awkward. I'm always afraid of what I said sounded stupid. I actively avoid any form of social activities.
I have zero friends. Yep nobody to hang out with.
Sure I say a few words to work colleagues and I think they genuinely like me but who really knows.
I've never had anything remotely like a romantic relationship and pretty much given up hope of ever finding anyone. I mean who would want to be with me anyway?
I'm boring, stupid, and unsuccessful.
I've tried taking to some girls online but after a a few sentences I can tell I'm being nothing but a boring drag.
I'm a nice guy but that gets me nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. I think I've gotten to the point where if I had a button that would kill every human being on the planet I'd push it.
When it comes to physical work and actually producing visible results at work I'm unstoppable. That's the main reason I'm called in to work as much as I am.
Work is the only good thing going on in my life right now. Without that I don't know what I'd do.
Not a day goes by where I don't think of committing suicide. But I know I won't do it. Not at this moment in time anyway.
My mind often ponders about what would be the best way to kill yourself.
Jump off a building, car wreck, dive off a cliff, hanging, slit wrists, overdose, gunshot to the head (overseas). That's as far as I've gotten.
The topic of death occupies a big part of my daydreaming. I find it fascinating. What happens when you die? Do you just switch off? Do you wake up elsewhere (life doesn't seem real to me, more like a dream). I hardly recognise myself in the mirror. It's more like looking at a stranger.
As if the other day I've started cutting at my arm. Self harm. I never thought I'd end up here.
I'm on anti depressants at the moment. I missed one dose and went very far down hill. Back up today but not fully there. Doubt I ever will be.
I don't even know why I've written all this. It's unlikely posting this here will have any effect for the better.
The best words to describe my current feelings:
Low/down, disconnected/detached, zero self worth, useless, worthless, failure, unwanted.
Of well. Nothing ventured nothing gained.
Regards,
X99
17 likes, 161 replies
Lalalana17 X99
Posted
It's been a year since your post. So how is it going? Just curious if life got better...
jasmine58638 X99
Posted
Hey, i feel exactly the same. I have two jobs but I don't like either of them. I have friends but we never have time to see each other. I feel horrible, useless, hopeless and worthless. I don't even know what's wrong with me. I know what your going through but we have to stay strong to keep going on.
Missy_boo X99
Posted
I'm feeling just like u. I know it post is old but thought I'd reply anyway. Help x
nick1234five X99
Posted
jessica22183 nick1234five
Posted
Sometimes it doesn't matter how hard you try. Sometimes it can get better but I don't think it ever fully goes away. However it is true that some people can stay away from depression for a little while and get a break
Sad_Dude X99
Posted
hector64164 Sad_Dude
Posted
Sad Dude, you are not alone in this feeling. Tell you what, maybe I should'nt be saying this but sometimes we have to learn to let go, just let go of the things that are hurting you. When I feel really really sad and depressed I just pack my stuff and leave. I just go and visit family, or just drive to nowhere, the road sometimes is a good therapy. Go fishing, go to the mall, go and spend some money, even just a little. Go and get a burger with a beer. Smoke a cigarrette with a beer. Talk to a long lost friend. Maybe even a long lost love you used to have. Cook yourself a steak. Just don't let those demons take control of you. Ok.
elizabeth_70545 Sad_Dude
Posted
No,
Jesus loves you. He died to save you. You and your life is SO precious to Him.
You need to know Him.
It's important. People say there is "nothing" when we die. The Bible says there's a lot more. We must know Jesus be born of The Holy Spirit and then we will be saved.
Can I send you a bible ?
My name is Elizabeth, lovely to meet you.
YOU ARE SPECIAL
Xxxx
pk1962 hector64164
Posted
thank you, sometimes that is all it takes, a little kindness to oneself..." Just don't let those demons take control of you. " - that is so true, because sometimes we can get kind of addicted to those demons.... take care, P
dru18668 X99
Posted
pk1962 dru18668
Posted
jessica22183 X99
Posted
Have you tried doing some ECT? that can sometimes help. I'm sorry you felt this way it hurts a lot and no one deserves to deal with this. I hope you feel better by now but if not I can pray for you. Hope things don't feel as bad as they did.
diego83792 X99
Posted
diego83792
Posted
elizabeth_70545 X99
Posted
Hello there,
I stumbled across your post. I sometimes feel that way too. What's the point?! But things changed for me three years ago.
I didn't used to think I was created for any purpose. I thought life was a horrendous waiting room. Really, I didn't feel loved. I was existing. I was driven by ambition. A bit like you, my job was everything.
Things started to change....
I remember someone prayed for me and things slowly began to change....I saw life very differently.
I saw that I am made and that God loves me. That I had been thought about. He actually had the idea of creating me!
Then I saw I had really just turned my back on Him all my life....I thought I would be way better off without Him.
He showed me Jesus and what He did. He died in our place, we have to come to Him.
That's why I'm guessing He died with His arms stretched wide.
So He compleately changed my life and heart. I'm still a "work in progress" but He says He won't leave me. Everyone needs Him but I think a lot of people and it used to be me thought I was just fine without Him.
Have you ever heard the Gospel before?
Love and peace to you
Elizabeth
hector64164 elizabeth_70545
Posted
Thank you Elizabeth I loved your comment. I am a pastor, have been for almost 40 years. But I am loosing everything, everything in my ministry has gone down the drain. I was once considered someone important and had some fame, and now everything is almost gone. It all started years ago, sin got into my life and I stayed in sin for a very long time. I could'nt stop and didnt want to stop either. I kept on preaching even though my personal life was a mess. And I always blamed someone else for my condition and would always justify myself, saying that I was like that because of what I went through. But even today I struggle with the reality and to accept my responsibilty and my fault. Its been years of corruption and living a double life. I am still struggling with sin in my life, I am no longer practicing sin but it's still very much in me, the desire is there, the want is there, I just don't do it. Hope to hear from you.
elizabeth_70545 hector64164
Posted
Hi,
Thanks for responding, What. I said is true. Jesus IS the ONLY way for anyone, yes, any human being. Only He has answers and fulfilment. Everything else is just us trying to fill ourselves but only He can give true and eternal satisfaction.
He loves you.
Have you been actually praying? Sometimes it's hard to start "speaking" again to The Lord but He's so waiting for you to come to Him & this may have all happened so that you understand you need Him not ministry.
Maybe give up trying to be a "professional Christian" just go back to your First Love
Will pray
From
Elizabeth
pk1962 hector64164
Posted
I would like to encourage you. Thank you for sharing your story. I really want to say, that your strength in resisting the desires that had gotten a hold on you, is going to lead to your victory in the end! Everyone has a path to God, and your realisation that you had been going wrong - is part of your unique path. Stay strong, wishing you well, in Christ only our hope