Feel like I'm a burden

Sorry but I need to add that none of us ladies want to feel this way , but I think it's mother natures cruel joke . Some days I wish I could swap places with my husband so he would experience what I'm going through . I'm not being a drama queen . I would live more then anything to feel 100% well again . We're supposed to go to his nephews wedding in Scotland in august and after these last few days , I don't know if I can face it . I'm so worried that I'll have a migraine or heavy period while away . My home is my safe place and my anxiety levels go up just thinking about it . We'd be away for 5 days and I don't think I can face it , but I don't know what my husband will say if I broach this subject . What do I do ? Advice please . I really need it .

HRT?

Dear Jane, I started with migraines ten years ago, and migraines were my first symptom of peri. The worst years with terrible migraines were around 2010-2014. I had really heavy ones every week. I visited a neurologist, a lady roughly my age and we had a nice talk. It helped! I read some books about migraines, changed my eating habits (be careful with fatty stuff), took better care about my body. Since 2014 migraines somehow weakened, i have less attacks and attack are mild. Usually I take some ordinary painkiller, drink water, for me coffee helps also. I was very ashamed of having migraines... until a young (20+) daughter of a friend told me that she would like having migraines too because she would like becoming a strong woman as me. She was young and naive, and at first I became angry with her, but I thought it over... I was surprised that she did not see me as a freak but as a kind of superwoman!

Feeling like a burden.... I struggle too. I have never had this kind of thoughts before. It started in winter with changes in my periods (missing), so it is really hormonal. It is now almost constant fear that I am not good enough, not good for my family, my work, no help for friends , a burden in my workplace. I have too much experience: burden, too emphatic: burden, my personality : a burden. It is annoying, and I do not know what to do.

Jane, I really sympathise with what you are going through and relate to your story.

Right - first thing, get your self to the doctor, you need a blood test to see if you are low in iron and also check your ferritin levels (the iron store-cupboard).

Ask doc for Sumatriptan for migraine, these saved my life. ( I recently found out that you get them over the counter but - expensive!)  Like you I could not function during a migraine and let me tell you I am not one to give up on anything but my migraines were AWFUL.

Then get yourself some B vitamins - that can really help and also Magnesium combined with calcium of course.

I hope that helps a little.

Since going through the menopause four years now, I still get migraine but they are not as strong, so I think it will ease for you too but the sumatriptan really helped me to function.

As for your husband, yes, they are like little boy lost really in these situations and don't know what to do.  You ARE strong and you will get through this.  Keep smiling at him and lean on this group for your support.  Also, forgive him, he has NO idea!

All the best Jane, hang on in there.

Hi Jane, great that you felt you could voice how you feel on this site. Its very normal to feel this way as you'll find a lot if us have been through similar experiences. I suffered hormone related migraines for 25 years and 5 years ago was prescribed maxalt wafer which have been fantastic. I had severe depression through peri menopause plus the migraines would also cause depression so it was a double whammy. I was also a big cryer and although my boyfriend is very good about my moods he found it hard to take on occasions. I could cry all day and I think because he couldn't fix me he did get agitated sometimes. I'm a lot better now and when I look back I realize the whole Peri experience actually took over my life and became who I was. Don't ever feel guilty for what you do during the bad times. I know I did and even with support I often felt very overwhelmed and completely alone. For me it was one day at a time and often one hour at a time when the darkness took hold. I went down the bio identical hormone path and it did save my life but it took a while. There's always someone here to listen and help if they can. This site has been an amazing help for me. Always remember you are completely normal and you will get through this.😃

Hello I just want to say I feel your pain . I am 47 and my headaches are getting worse. I had been having this headaches for over a year and it's start I was 45 and was bad I though I was gonna die it last it 2 weeks at one point and I went to ER and they gave me pain killers and now I get them pretty much every month and doctor doesn't seem to worry about and that's why I'm in this site because I'm not the only one. Husbands doesn't understand why we go thru my husband get migraine headaches and he gets that but the rest of symptoms they don't. Just pray and everything is gonna be ok.

Dear Jane... Sending you a big giant virtual (((HUG)))  You are not alone. What you are experiencing is real. I am 52 and have been going through pedimeno for the past 8 years. The symptoms have varied thus far. I too have had panick attacks while driving. I try to open the window or crank up the AC because I feel I cannot get enough air and my head starts to hum and I feel a cold tingling come over me. It does not help so I always have to pull over and wait till is passes or have my husband drive. I don't get that too often.  I too started to get massive migraines, I would say, around 48, when I got my period. Head pounding, vision changes, naucious, dizzy to the point where I had to sit propped up on my office couch with my head  propped up with pillows and would try to fall asleep and not move until the Exedrin would kick in. I find, if I took something before the migraine comes on it would not get so intense. We usually have symptoms before they come on (I would vision changes). They come on with a vengeance Apparently, this occurs because of a quick drop in estrogen or no estrogen levels at that time. Haven't had one in about a year. Insomnia has been the main longstanding problem. Up almost the entire night, tossing and turning to the point where I just get my pillows and some sheets and go lay on the couch and watch TV or go on IPad to try to get tired. I have had joint pain, hot flashes, dry skin too. I am roughing it. No HRT. I have my period every 2 or 3 or 4 months apart now. Doc says one full year with no period indicates your are postmeno. I just try to keep a mindset that this is a natural occurrence. So, I am going with the flow and say to myself this will not be forever and try to shrug it off. I find it helpful to not stay so focused on it. I think that will help you too. It sounds like your Hubby does not understand what you are going through. Talk and tell him what you are feeling and you need a hug. Keep the communication open  about what is happening. 

I hope this was helpful to know you are not alone and what you are feeling is real. Hang in there Jane. This will pass! Just do whatever is most helpful in the meantime. Time for yourself, getting a massage, trying and taking different vitamins and minerals, exercising or yoga, practice breathing, spend some time with girlfriends. Whatever is helpful Just make sure you take care of YOU!!! 

Best Regards, LIsa

 

Hi Jane,

You are not alone in this. Mine started 4 years ago with asful migraines, which have now becaome chronic and I feel ill all the time. It is wful to feel that the people in our lives don't understand. Keep talking here. We are all in this together xx