Feel like I'm a burden

Posted , 10 users are following.

Well it's 3.20 am and I'm sitting downstairs all alone and crying . I'm getting over a migraine from hell that has made me feel so ill . My husband , daughter and myself stayed away in a hotel overnight Thursday into Friday as I went with my daughter Abbie to see take that . The concert was amazing and I thoroughly enjoyed , but then I came back to earth with a jolt . As I got back to the hotel I started this migraine and I think a bit of a panic attack , as I was shaking also . Anyway I had to go out to the car as the room was so hot ( I'm also getting bad hot flushes at the moment ) . I couldn't get any air as the window would only open a crack , so no air was circulating . I think this only made the situation worse . Anyway sorry to ramble , but I need to explain the situation . We got back by 10.30 Friday morning , I went straight to bed as luckily I had the day off work , but my husband had to go to work . I slept all day , got up for a while then went back to sleep on the sofa and stayed there all night . Went to work Saturday although I still felt really rough . The thing is my migraines are hormonal , so I can't do much about that and I'm not putting it on , I really do feel like death when it comes on , but it seems to me like my husband has the hump with me , really short or just not speaking to me at all . My daughter , who is 21 commented on his mood . I really feel like I must be getting on his nerves and a burden . All I want is a hug and to be told everything's going to be ok . It's coming up to the anniversary of my mums death , 2 years in the 30th of June and I so wish she was here to help me through this and it's Father's Day and I lost my dad 10 years ago . I will be 50 in august . Sorry to go on , but I feel so upset at the moment .

0 likes, 16 replies

Report / Delete

16 Replies

Next
  • Posted

    Sorry but I need to add that none of us ladies want to feel this way , but I think it's mother natures cruel joke . Some days I wish I could swap places with my husband so he would experience what I'm going through . I'm not being a drama queen . I would live more then anything to feel 100% well again . We're supposed to go to his nephews wedding in Scotland in august and after these last few days , I don't know if I can face it . I'm so worried that I'll have a migraine or heavy period while away . My home is my safe place and my anxiety levels go up just thinking about it . We'd be away for 5 days and I don't think I can face it , but I don't know what my husband will say if I broach this subject . What do I do ? Advice please . I really need it .

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      HI Jane please just take a minute to calm down and relax. I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way. First of all trying to focus on anything with a migraine is difficult to do. For now don't stress on August yet because that is a little ways away. You could feel totally healthy by then. Don't feel like you are a burden maybe your husband needs a little space sometimes to refocus. My husband goes out in the garage and plays his guitar when he needs time. You need to remember that when we don't feel good simple things can seem worse...especially with a migraine. Things will get better for you and you will feel better soon. Just take time to be good to yourself. This perimenopause is a roller coaster ride for sure but just remember there are good days ahead. Take minute by minute if you need to. Try and get some rest and I will be praying for you. Take care!

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Becky, you are right, taking minute by minute is a good approach. I try to focus on immediate goals: now I make a cup of tea and I will mend my summer dress... etc. I do not know how I will be tomorrow , if confident, secure, calm, or stressed out, beaten, anxious.I try to stick to some plans (the job!) , but I have learned the hard way that I could not , really could not explain some things to others, especially to young people. I wanted to be, and I was, open about my condition, I wanted to "educate " the young about this side of life, but it turned against me recently in a bad way. Sorry, I finished this post with these words, but my relationship with others is a constant problem for me now.

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Dear Jane, I started with migraines ten years ago, and migraines were my first symptom of peri. The worst years with terrible migraines were around 2010-2014. I had really heavy ones every week. I visited a neurologist, a lady roughly my age and we had a nice talk. It helped! I read some books about migraines, changed my eating habits (be careful with fatty stuff), took better care about my body. Since 2014 migraines somehow weakened, i have less attacks and attack are mild. Usually I take some ordinary painkiller, drink water, for me coffee helps also. I was very ashamed of having migraines... until a young (20+) daughter of a friend told me that she would like having migraines too because she would like becoming a strong woman as me. She was young and naive, and at first I became angry with her, but I thought it over... I was surprised that she did not see me as a freak but as a kind of superwoman!

    Feeling like a burden.... I struggle too. I have never had this kind of thoughts before. It started in winter with changes in my periods (missing), so it is really hormonal. It is now almost constant fear that I am not good enough, not good for my family, my work, no help for friends , a burden in my workplace. I have too much experience: burden, too emphatic: burden, my personality : a burden. It is annoying, and I do not know what to do.

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Jane, I really sympathise with what you are going through and relate to your story.

    Right - first thing, get your self to the doctor, you need a blood test to see if you are low in iron and also check your ferritin levels (the iron store-cupboard).

    Ask doc for Sumatriptan for migraine, these saved my life. ( I recently found out that you get them over the counter but - expensive!)  Like you I could not function during a migraine and let me tell you I am not one to give up on anything but my migraines were AWFUL.

    Then get yourself some B vitamins - that can really help and also Magnesium combined with calcium of course.

    I hope that helps a little.

    Since going through the menopause four years now, I still get migraine but they are not as strong, so I think it will ease for you too but the sumatriptan really helped me to function.

    As for your husband, yes, they are like little boy lost really in these situations and don't know what to do.  You ARE strong and you will get through this.  Keep smiling at him and lean on this group for your support.  Also, forgive him, he has NO idea!

    All the best Jane, hang on in there.

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thank you for your kind words . This really is a wonderful site for advice , feeling that you are not alone in all of this and just being able to vent all your anger or fears . I don't think a lot of men really understand it and maybe some do think we are being moaning Minnie's , that is the only reason about swapping places just so they could sympathise a bit . I suppose that is it , we really are strong to put up with all of this and still go to work , carry on running a house and trying to look after everyone as best we can , even if we want to scream , cry whatever at times . Maybe I should have a heart to heart with my husband , as he is a good man , hardworking and has always been there through all life's struggles including bad miscarriages that also shook me to my core . I will get through this , just as long as I have all you lovely ladies on here to help each other along 💕

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Jane, great that you felt you could voice how you feel on this site. Its very normal to feel this way as you'll find a lot if us have been through similar experiences. I suffered hormone related migraines for 25 years and 5 years ago was prescribed maxalt wafer which have been fantastic. I had severe depression through peri menopause plus the migraines would also cause depression so it was a double whammy. I was also a big cryer and although my boyfriend is very good about my moods he found it hard to take on occasions. I could cry all day and I think because he couldn't fix me he did get agitated sometimes. I'm a lot better now and when I look back I realize the whole Peri experience actually took over my life and became who I was. Don't ever feel guilty for what you do during the bad times. I know I did and even with support I often felt very overwhelmed and completely alone. For me it was one day at a time and often one hour at a time when the darkness took hold. I went down the bio identical hormone path and it did save my life but it took a while. There's always someone here to listen and help if they can. This site has been an amazing help for me. Always remember you are completely normal and you will get through this.😃

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hello I just want to say I feel your pain . I am 47 and my headaches are getting worse. I had been having this headaches for over a year and it's start I was 45 and was bad I though I was gonna die it last it 2 weeks at one point and I went to ER and they gave me pain killers and now I get them pretty much every month and doctor doesn't seem to worry about and that's why I'm in this site because I'm not the only one. Husbands doesn't understand why we go thru my husband get migraine headaches and he gets that but the rest of symptoms they don't. Just pray and everything is gonna be ok.

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Dear Jane... Sending you a big giant virtual (((HUG)))  You are not alone. What you are experiencing is real. I am 52 and have been going through pedimeno for the past 8 years. The symptoms have varied thus far. I too have had panick attacks while driving. I try to open the window or crank up the AC because I feel I cannot get enough air and my head starts to hum and I feel a cold tingling come over me. It does not help so I always have to pull over and wait till is passes or have my husband drive. I don't get that too often.  I too started to get massive migraines, I would say, around 48, when I got my period. Head pounding, vision changes, naucious, dizzy to the point where I had to sit propped up on my office couch with my head  propped up with pillows and would try to fall asleep and not move until the Exedrin would kick in. I find, if I took something before the migraine comes on it would not get so intense. We usually have symptoms before they come on (I would vision changes). They come on with a vengeance sad Apparently, this occurs because of a quick drop in estrogen or no estrogen levels at that time. Haven't had one in about a year. Insomnia has been the main longstanding problem. Up almost the entire night, tossing and turning to the point where I just get my pillows and some sheets and go lay on the couch and watch TV or go on IPad to try to get tired. I have had joint pain, hot flashes, dry skin too. I am roughing it. No HRT. I have my period every 2 or 3 or 4 months apart now. Doc says one full year with no period indicates your are postmeno. I just try to keep a mindset that this is a natural occurrence. So, I am going with the flow and say to myself this will not be forever and try to shrug it off. I find it helpful to not stay so focused on it. I think that will help you too. It sounds like your Hubby does not understand what you are going through. Talk and tell him what you are feeling and you need a hug. Keep the communication open  about what is happening. 

    I hope this was helpful to know you are not alone and what you are feeling is real. Hang in there Jane. This will pass! Just do whatever is most helpful in the meantime. Time for yourself, getting a massage, trying and taking different vitamins and minerals, exercising or yoga, practice breathing, spend some time with girlfriends. Whatever is helpful Just make sure you take care of YOU!!! 

    Best Regards, LIsa

     

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thank you . That's helped me a lot . At least I know that I am not alone . My husband is still very off with me , which doesn't help my mood . It just makes me very teary and down plus I've probably got pms as I am due on next week . I just keep quiet and don't speak much as I get curt replies and he seems so grumpy 😡 . My daughter said to ignore it all as he's just in a bad mood , but I can't help thinking it's me . I really can't help it when I'm poorly . I would love to feel 100% well again , as I'm sure we all would on here . Maybe he's having a mid life crisis . I will try and keep my chin up and hopefully not crying again in the early hours . Well I know he won't be happy tonight or tomorrow as it's Monday .

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Jane,

    You are not alone in this. Mine started 4 years ago with asful migraines, which have now becaome chronic and I feel ill all the time. It is wful to feel that the people in our lives don't understand. Keep talking here. We are all in this together xx

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thank you Sally . It really does help to know that we can we always talk about things worrying us or a new symptom without being judged . We all need sympathy and reassurance that we are not dying ( even though we may feel like it sometimes ) . Let's hope there's light at the end of the tunnel soon . I'm just so worried about this wedding in August . I thought I could be strong and go , but as it's getting closer the thought of being away from home for six days terrifies me . Do I sound like some mental freak ? It doesn't help that I went away last week for just one night and panicked and ended up with one of the worst migraines I've had so far . I felt so ill . I couldn't wait to get home again . My husband would go mad if he knew I was saying all this . I just get the ' of cause you'll be ok , we can keep stopping if you don't feel well ' . That really isn't the point though as if you feel ill youre not going to enjoy anything going on around you . I don't think he doesn't believe me , but maybe he thinks I'm exaggerating my symptoms when I'm really not . My mum used to get migraines , so my chances of following her were increased anyway .

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi Jane,

      No you don't sound like a mental freak. Planning and doing things is so hard now with all of this going on. My daughter graduates from university in July and I am supposed to be going to it and I am so worried about because because of how awful I feel and also the anxiety that goes along with it. And things we used to do without eben thinking about take so much planning.

      My dad had migraines and so did his mother so I am genetically predisposed to them. I had them at puberty and again after one of my children was born and now chronically so it has to be part of the migraines xx

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      No, you do not sound like a mental freak. I have been staying with my sister for the last 2 months. She lives 60 miles away from my home. I came to stay with her when I needed to be cared for because I had Serotonin Toxicity.

      Well... Menopause symptoms kicked in in a bad way!!! I've been in perimenopause for years now but the Serotonin Toxicity & a few days on Prednisone seemed to send me into terrible menopause symptoms.

      I haven't been able to go home to my husband. Not even to visit for a day. I get HORRIBLE anxiety whenever I even think of trying to go home. Panic attacks even. Weepy. Crying. Depressed, discouraged etc...

      No, you are not crazy. This menopause crud just sucks!!!!

      Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up